


Strip Pokerstuck: New Universe Plus

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Exhibitionism, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Reader-Interactive, Sexual Content, Strip Games, Strip Poker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-08 13:02:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 42,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: You are JANE CROCKER, and almost four years ago, the dozen of you in the room all played a game and won. Today is the day you play another game, of high stripping stakes and nudity and a good helping of titillation all round.You've been looking forward to this for a while now. If all goes to plan, the sexual shenanigans that take place today will be remembered for centuries to come.(Update, April 30th: officially discontinued. Fan continuations welcome. Passing the strip poker torch to anyone who'll take it.)





	1. Setting the Scene

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is inspired by [Strip Pokerstuck: God Tier Style](http://archiveofourown.org/works/368253) and [Strip Pokerstuck: Double Down](http://archiveofourown.org/works/384300). I've wanted to write a post-game version ever since Homestuck's ending, and here I am finally getting round to it.
> 
> Characters are aged around 19-20 by this point, so the tone is more "college-age experimentation" than "first time teens" (though that's not to say _everyone_ involved has done it before, which you'll find out over the course of the fic). I also won't be avoiding M/M pairings like the original fics did, but with seven female and five male characters, things will probably skew somewhat female anyway.
> 
> Of course, a good part of it's down to luck and reader interaction. Like the original fics, I'll be playing this out as a genuine poker game, so if people aren't getting naked fast enough, the cards are the ones to blame. Things like dares later on will also be done by random chance. For the sake of speeding things up, I might be making the choices on how the characters play their hands (see chapter end notes), but as for which items of clothing the POV characters remove? That'll definitely be up for you to decide.
> 
> That's all I have to say for now. Enjoy!

"Hello, everybody!" you begin. You're using your CEO voice, the one that will make any group of people shut up and listen, but today it's laced with something a touch more... salacious. Fitting for the situation.

You are JANE CROCKER, and almost four years ago, the dozen of you in the room all played a game and won. Today is the day you play another game, of high stripping stakes and nudity and a good helping of titillation all round.

You've been looking forward to this for a while now. If all goes to plan, the sexual shenanigans that take place today will be remembered for centuries to come.

"Well, all of you know why you're here," you say. And they do, as you contacted all of them beforehand to ask them to come along. Everyone agreed, which surprised you; you expected some to decline or show reluctance, at the very least. But no! Here you all are. Twelve of you, just one short of a baker's dozen.

Even Karkat, who you've always known to be quite the curmudgeon, is here. He's sharing a big beanbag with his human partners Dave and Jade, cross-legged and with his knees almost jabbing them both (though neither one particularly minds). You remember his response when he contacted you: a simple "YES. I'LL BE THERE." His standard capital letters, of course, but without the vitriol you're used to. Strange.

And there's Terezi, having flown all the way back in from the Furthest Ring to be here. You're surprised she actually made it, and more so that she made it _on time_ ; from what you hear, the Furthest Ring is nigh impossible to navigate! But the promise of strip poker is compelling, you suppose. It has proven to be a beacon in the Furthest Ring's darkness, drawing her back across the void.

Beside her is your ecto-son, John, who certainly seems to appreciate her return. You're surprised he's here as well; he's almost as much of an unfamiliar face as Terezi is these days, spending most of his time as a recluse. You haven't heard a word from him since he arrived, but he's been undergoing an intense silent dialogue with Terezi the whole time. He catches her sniffing in his direction. He glares. She grins. He doesn't stop glaring, but does accompany it with a dark smirk (well, less "dark" and more "dork"). Unbroken, staring eye contact ensues, its effect preserved even despite Terezi's blindness, and inevitably one blinks first. The victor looks smug and pleased with themselves, and they subsequently pretend to ignore each other until the cycle repeats.

Then there's Rose and Kanaya, happily married. Another couple you doubted would come. It speaks to the health of their relationship that each consulted the other before confirming they would come, but confirm they both did. Wanting to explore a little outside the confines of their marriage? You don't blame them! For years, you saw marriage as something you _had_ to strive for, as if your life was inherently less meaningful if you didn't end it with a spouse at your side. But you feel as if it would be far too limiting for the person you are now. A traditional marriage would be, anyway. A marriage with allowances for something extra on the side... now _that's_ more your style.

Speaking of "something extra on the side", that's essentially the role you play in Roxy and Calliope's arrangement. You don't mean that in a negative way, oh no! No, your job means you're busy almost every day of the year (barring today, but that was planned well in advance: co-workers notified, duties delegated, secluded little can cottage by the river booked...), leaving absolutely no time for the demands of a full-time relationship. It's not something you mind. Your work can be stressful, but ultimately it's rewarding, and when you find yourself needing intimacy in whichever form it might take, the lovely human and cherub before you are happy to oblige.

(Not that you're not amenable to venturing outside your usual arrangement, of course. That's a large part of why you've arranged this today.)

Finally, there's Dirk and Jake. Two of the people in this room that you've known the longest. There was a complicated situation between the three of you for quite some time, but thankfully that's in the past; you were fixated on Jake for so long that you didn't really see any alternatives until this new world opened up to you, whereas the two boys overcame their difficulties (years of isolation took a toll on them both!) to settle into a far more relaxed and stable relationship. You're happy for how their relationship turned out, and proud of Jake in particular. He ended up following quite a similar path to you, in the end! Skaianet may be your largest competitor, but it's a healthy rivalry at the very top. You respect each other, and are confident that your difficulties are safely behind you. 

The fact that you still wouldn't mind getting into those shorts is entirely independent from this. After all, he's still hot. And he's only got hotter.

The players are here. Time to get them into position. "Now, with twelve of us, each person playing individually would make this game impractically long! So, in order to expedite matters, I'd like it if we could all arrange ourselves into pairs. Both members of the pair will remove an item of the other's clothing upon losing a hand... barring any shenanigans to shake things up."

"Shenanigans?" Terezi queries in her characteristic scratchy voice.

"You'll see!" you say, remembering too late who you're saying that to.

"Wow, what an insensitive comment," she snickers. John elbows her, and Terezi jabs him right back.

"Hoo hoo, whoops! Now get to it!" You clap twice, bordering on gleeful, and watch as the game's participants get to organising themselves.

For most in the room, it's not a particularly difficult task. Almost everyone is already part of a couple, and sitting with their partner to boot; they drag beanbags and shuffle themselves around, with a little chatter, until they've formed a circle. Everyone's arranged in neat pairs... barring the three-person arrangement of Dave, Karkat, and Jade.

You knew this was going to happen. You couldn't possibly have arranged something like this without having overthought it for weeks beforehand, oh no! And you know exactly what you plan to do about it. You _could_ allow the happy trio to play all together, and go as your own group to compensate. But the idea of playing on your own with everyone else in a pair would defeat the point of having organised this game. No, that won't do at all.

Instead, you march over to them, picking up on some of their chatter as you approach:

"Dude, we can't have Jade undressing her mom!"

"Yeah, that would be weird! And it's still kinda weird that she's my mom..."

You're somewhat more at ease with the fact that she's your daughter than she is, but that means it's even less of an option for you to be paired with her. And it was a non-option in the first place!

Which leaves Karkat and Dave. They're still going, indignant shouting versus incoherent rambling. Unstoppable force, immovable object. From the sounds of it, each one of them is trying to suggest that they go with you so the other can stay with Jade. Hoo hoo, those knights! Always coming to each other's rescue.

(Perhaps you're downplaying your own worth by putting yourself as something they want to rescue each other from. But you know that, at least to start off with, both of them would rather stay with Jade.)

Well, if both of them are offering, you suppose you get to decide! Being honest with yourself, you know you'd prefer Dave. He's certainly not unattractive, and he's certainly prone to Freudian slips whenever you're within five miles of him. That's a starting point for chemistry, and as you know very well, baking is all about chemistry! And this game will do plenty to add heat and leave it to rise.

But you have considered Karkat, and he's certainly an option too. Of the three species in this room, he's a member of the only one you haven't yet "experienced". You're still not sure what kind of equipment they come with, and while today you'll probably find out, you'd certainly appreciate a front row seat.

All three of them are looking up at you. The choice is yours...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three choices, in fact!
> 
> [Choice #1 is obvious: who does Jane pick?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14909845) As she says, Jade's not an option. It's either Dave (for initial pairs of Jane/Dave and Jade/Karkat) or Karkat (for initial pairs of Jane/Karkat and Jade/Dave). I'll happily write either, but this will affect how the story plays out!
> 
> [Choice #2: what "equipment", as Jane puts it, should the trolls have?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14909851) I'll give you a choice between the standard human set (penis or vagina) or the stanard xeno fanfic set (tentabulge and nook). Again, I'll happily write either, but this will affect what happens once the clothes start coming off to that point.
> 
> (note: I already know exactly what I'm doing with Calliope, so there'll be no reader input taken on that)
> 
> [Choice #3 is a meta one: should I take reader input on the way the POV characters' cards are played?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14912493) The original Strip Pokerstuck did, but AO3 in 2018 is very different to Livejournal in 2012. It'd slow down the rate at which chapters get posted, as I'd have to wait for reader feedback on the hand before being able to post the next bit, but if you care about the "poker" part of Strip Poker, then by all means go for it!
> 
> (If "take reader input" wins this one, I reckon I'll use the first "play it this way" comment posted for each hand. Saves time. If you think it should be done differently, by a vote or whatever, leave a comment saying as much.)
> 
> Voting will effectively close as soon as I've posted the next chapter. That should be tomorrow, at the earliest. If you're reading this at a point when there's more than one chapter up... you can still vote, if you want, but it's not going to do anything.


	2. Hand 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game begins, though not before Jane and Dave accidentally engage in the lewdest act of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Results last chapter were 100% in favour of nooks/bulges on the trolls and not taking reader input on playing the poker hands. Jane's choice between Karkat and Dave was a bit of a closer call, but ended up in favour of the Strider.

It doesn't take you long to decide. It's a bit of a no-brainer, really.

**== > Jane: Choose Dave.**

As much as the contents of Karkat's alien pants intrigue you, you'll probably be seeing them anyway. Besides, you barely know him... though you suppose this would have been a heck of a way to get to know him!

It doesn't matter, though, because you already have your sights set. "Dave, would you care to join me?" You hold out a hand to him, as if you're inviting him to dance rather than to play a lewd card game with you.

"Sure, J..." He stops talking abruptly. You get the impression he's teetering on the line between "Jane" and "Jade's hot mom". You'll happily take either.

He takes your hand and pulls himself up; Jade scoots closer to Karkat on the beanbag, while the pair of you walk over to the beanbag pulled up between them and Dirk and Jake.

Only once you're sitting down do you realize Dave never let go of your hand. The two of you have walked all the way over here holding hands. Dave realizes this just as you do, and tries to let go in the most nonchalant manner possible. (He fails. His face is an open book, even with the shades.)

From the next beanbag over, Dirk raises an eyebrow.

Somehow, you're feeling even more self-conscious about the hand-holding than you are about the prospect of stripping in front of your friends.

Speaking of which! Time to get down to it! You take off the satchel you're wearing, and Roxy shouts across the room: "Whoo, go Janey! Stripping already!"

"Well, of course! Nothing sets the mood quite like scandalous satchel removal," you joke back. You reach into the satchel, fishing out a case containing two decks of cards. Both were purchased a few days ago when you had business in the Carapace Kingdom; you were sure to ascertain that they were not the type that turn into weapons at no provocation. This is strip poker, not strip Russian roulette.

"Do you want to deal, or shall I?" you ask your partner.

"You can, it's your game," Dave replies, still looking a little flushed from the hand-holding.

"Alright!" You shuffle quickly (you've been practicing) and deal out the cards.

**== > Jane: Be Dave.**

You are now DAVE STRIDER, and you've just left the safety of a beanbag shared with your boyfriend and girlfriend to enter the new, unexplored territory of a beanbag shared with Jade's hot mom.

By which you mean, John's hot mom.

Shit. Uh, Jade and John's hot mom.

_Jane!_

There you go. You are a functional human being who is perfectly capable of calling people by their actual fucking names in your internal monologue, not just various different forms of "hot mom". You've fucking MASTERED that.

Another thing you've fucking mastered, black belt, gold medal, A+, is not imagining what she looks like naked. Or, really, anyone in this room. You're deliberately not looking at the ones who happen to be related to you, like your sister or mom or dadbro, but in the middle of pointedly not looking at your dadbro you look at his boyfriend instead and, fuck. You've seen Jake English and his legendary booty shorts on TV too many times to count, and some of those times... most of those times... all of those times, you've found your mind slipping to the subject of what's inside them. Not that they leave much to the imagination. But your imagination picks up the slack anyway.

God you're glad the shades hide your staring.

Fuck. Between him and Jade's hot... you mean _Jane_ , you can see where Jade gets it from. One scoop of hot mom, one cup of hot dad, and the result is a fuckin' stunner of a daughter. The dog ears are just the icing on the cake.

And on that baking metaphor...

**== > Dave: Be Jade's hot mom again.**  
**== > Dave: You mean Jane.**

Either would have worked!

You've just finished dealing the first hand, and you nudge Dave while holding the ones you've given yourself. He snaps out of some trance to look down at your hand:

**You've got: J(S), 9(D), J(C), 3(H), 3(C)**

"Damn. Good cards," he mumbles.

"Agreed! But they could always be better," you say.

To your left, Jade and Karkat request three cards; you deal them, and get a shrug from Karkat in return. Terezi flings her entire hand at you in disgust, and once you've fumbled around to pick them all up, you give her five different cards (which John looks reasonably satisfied with). Three for Roxy and Calliope... three for Rose and Kanaya... three for Dirk and Jake... then it's back round to you.

"Looks like we're sitting prettiest," you say, and Dave gives a silent nod. "What say you we discard that measly 9 of Diamonds and try our luck at a full house?"

"Sure."

You deal yourself one new card:

**You get: 6(H)**

Well, you missed your shot, but it's hardly a loss: you're still safely on a two pair.

"Let's see your hands!" you announce.

**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (Kings)**

Your ecto-son the jokester chooses to take your announcement literally, doing jazz hands with a goofy grin on his face. Terezi gives a melodramatic sigh, and puts down their hand herself.

**John and Terezi have: Pair (10s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Two pair (10s, 5s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Two pair (Aces, 10s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (10s)**  
**You and Dave have: Two pair (Jacks, 3s)**

Well, you _did_ tell them to get into pairs. Lo and behold, pairs as far as the eye can see. It's as if you walked into a pair tree and all the pairs came tumbling out.

People peer over to inspect the John/Terezi and Dirk/Jake hands more closely, but Dirk's already come to the conclusion and is radiating smugness: "We've got an ace as well. Beats their 7." He gives Jake a high five.

"Damn it!" says John.

Terezi pulls off one of his shoes and clubs him over the head with it. "You said we'd be fine!"

"Hey, how was I meant to know?" He yanks off her glasses.

"You bastard, I can't see without those!" She grabs his other shoe as well.

"You can't see _with_ them either, you weirdo!"

You're not entirely sure what's up with those two. You hear they're in one of those troll hate romances, albeit one played out largely over Snapchat. They seem to have fun with it, though, and you have no plans on getting between your ecto-son and his hatedatemate.

You pass the deck to Karkat and your ecto-daughter, and wait for them to deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be leaving this running tally of how much everyone's wearing at the end of each clothing removal chapter.
> 
> For the sake of speeding things up, shoes count as one and socks count as one. Glasses don't count for people who actually need them... with one exception.
> 
>  **Jane:**  
>  Blazer -> Blouse -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave:**  
>  Shades  
> Jacket -> Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade:**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Slip  
> Boots -> Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat:**  
>  Sweater -> T-shirt  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  Glasses  
> T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  Top -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
> Pumps -> Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  Shades  
> Wifebeater  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  Bodywarmer -> Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	3. Hand 2

Karkat deals like a teacher handing out a particularly difficult piece of homework. He's slightly more delicate when it comes to you and Dave, though.

"Love ya, K," Dave calls to him.

He makes a face that's halfway between a snarl and a smile.

Once he's done, you check out your cards and yeah this isn't looking good. Ouch. It really isn't good.

**You've got: 5(S), 6(C), K(C), 9(C), 2(H)**

"Jane, these cards suck ass," Dave mumbles. "I can't believe Karkat would do that. Give me such shitty cards. Can't believe I trusted that fucker."

You can't help agreeing. What a disgraceful hand!

John passes four cards back to Karkat, but lights up at the four he gets in return. Roxy _whoops_ when she gets her three new cards, because she wouldn't know a poker face if it slapped her in the face. Rose and Kanaya get one new card and aren't particularly fussed. Dirk and Jake grab two, with a similar reaction. 

Then it's your turn.

"All of them," you say.

"Not keeping the king?"

"Absolutely not!" You will not stand for any of these five layabouts! Five new cards gives you your best shot at _decent_ cards. Cards with even the slightest chance of not having you strip. _"All_ of them."

"Gotcha." Then, to Karkat: "They all suck. Gimme new ones." With an exaggerated eye roll, Karkat passes five more.

**You get: 3(H), 8(H), Q(S), 3(D), J(S)**

You're about to dismiss it as another duff hand until you notice the pair of threes. Not phenomenal, but certainly better than a high card!

"Thanks, Karkat!" Dave yells. Appearances deceive: turns out his skill level with poker faces is about as high as Roxy's.

Karkat barely hears; he's in the process of dealing with his own hand. More specifically, arguing with Jade about it. Finally, he discards four, only to complain almost as much about the new ones he takes.

"Lay down!" yells Jade, as Karkat's too preoccupied by his own grumpiness.

**John and Terezi have: Pair (As)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Two pair (8s, 3s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Two pair (8s, 2s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (9s)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (3s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Ace high**

"I _knew_ it!" shouts Karkat, somehow both triumphant and self-loathing at once. He slips Jade's poofy jacket down her shoulders. Jade gives him a look, then unlaces and pulls off his shoes.

"Can't even give myself some decent cards," he grumbles under his breath, which you still manage to hear because "Karkat" and "quiet" don't belong in the same sentence. You catch snippets of him emphatically telling Jade how much he sucks as a dealer, how he fucked up his first time dealing in the game, and Jade aggressively assuring him that no, that's _not_ the case, it's all down to chance...

"He's blaming himself for the bad cards, isn't he," Dave whispers to you.

"Certainly sounds like it," you tell him.

"Yeah. He ain't a confident guy. Me and Jade are pretty good with helping him deal, though." He nods his head towards Jade: "She gives as good as she gets with his yelling. Tries to shout some sense into him, and when he hears it from her, it gets through. Then I'm around to reassure him it's all cool, he's cool, we love him. Usually helps him feel better. Hey, is it cool if I go over for a bit?"

"I don't see why not," you say. "Just don't look at their cards!"

He hops up and semi-jogs the few feet over to them, dropping down onto the back of their beanbag. You see his hand hover near Karkat's head, then after a moment or two it nestles into his hair. You can't catch what he says to him, but the tone of voice sounds comforting at least.

You feel a little bad for splitting up such a nice trio just so you had someone to go with... but then, this game wouldn't be anywhere near as fun alone. Besides, Dave's already back beside you before you can go much further along this train of thought.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay with them for the game?"

"It's cool. Jade's got him."

You take his word for it.

**== > Jane: Be Karkat.**

He still needs some time to calm down. Maybe later.

You continue being Jane as your ecto-son finishes dealing the next hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane:**  
>  Blazer -> Blouse -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave:**  
>  Shades  
> Jacket -> Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade:**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Slip  
> Boots -> Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat:**  
>  Sweater -> T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  Glasses  
> T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  Top -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
> Pumps -> Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  Shades  
> Wifebeater  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  Bodywarmer -> Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	4. Hand 3

"I still don't see why you won't let me deal." Terezi punctuates her sentence with a sharp poke in John's ribs.

"Ow! Because you're blind, remember?"

"As if I'd forget!"

"If I let you deal, I guarantee you'll be throwing a card like a shuriken right into someone's eye. Either as an accident, or you pretending it was an accident."

Terezi... doesn't _deny_ it, and suddenly you're beginning to regret having invited her. "People with functioning eyes have had it too good too long," you hear her mutter.

Dave presses his shades more firmly into his face. "Hope the Stiller shades are card-proof."

Dirk leans over from the beanbag on your right to assure him: "Saint Ben Stiller would have them no other way."

While Dave gains a newfound appreciation for his own sunglasses, you check out your cards:

**You've got: K(C), K(D), 8(S), 4(C), J(C)**

You show them to Dave, and he gives a little nod.

Roxy and Calliope ask for two cards, and... you thought Roxy's reaction last hand was the opposite of a poker face, but this is so far opposite it's completely _eradicated_ the concept of poker faces. She screams with joy, then flings her arms around Calliope while giggling with glee.

"I think we know who _won't_ be losing this hand," comments Kanaya, in monotone.

She and Rose look like they're the ones who might be losing: they turn in all five of their cards. They're moderately pleased with their return, though.

Dirk and Jake turn in three cards, and... no real change.

Your turn: "Keep the kings?" you ask Dave.

"Keep the kings," he agrees.

You keep the kings and turn in your other three cards. John attempts to "magic" your three new cards out of his sleeve, but you saw him put them in there earlier. That's not magic, that's him being a doofus.

**You get: 10(S), 7(S), 9(S)**

Jade and Karkat turn in three cards, and the three they get back definitely seem to be helping Karkat calm down. Finally, John returns all five of his and Terezi's to the deck, and seems less than enthused about the new cards he picks out... until his eyes widen on the last two.

"Let's see them," John says, earning a red-eyed blind glare from Terezi. You're pretty sure he phrased that one deliberately.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Full house (2s and 3s)**

"If that was your reaction to the lowest possible full house, we'll need to draft evacuation plans for the event of a royal flush," says Rose.

**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Ks)**   
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Qs)**   
**You and Dave have: Pair (Ks)**   
**Jade and Karkat have: Two pair (6s and 5s)**   
**John and Terezi have: Two pair (As and 10s)**

You're kind of impressed that John and Terezi managed to go from throwing all their cards away to two pair.

It takes people a while to realize that Dirk and Jake lost with a pair of queens, but by the time they do, Dirk's already unzipping Jake's big dorky bodywarmer. His own reaction is a little delayed, but soon enough he's undoing the straps on Dirk's stylish sneakers and pulling them off in kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane:**  
>  Blazer -> Blouse -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave:**  
>  Shades  
> Jacket -> Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade:**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Slip  
> Boots -> Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat:**  
>  Sweater -> T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  Glasses  
> T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  Top -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
> Pumps -> Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  Shades  
> Wifebeater  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	5. Hand 4

Calliope's on dealer duty this time round. She deals with a flourish each time, and you half-expect to hear her say "is this your card?" Of course, you didn't pick a card in the first place, what with this being strip poker and not stage magic... but Calliope's demeanor is so hypnotic, you'd probably be convinced it was your card anyway. 

When she stops dealing and you finally tear your eyes away, you notice John looking a little jealous.

"Wow, Callie," says Roxy, still mesmerised. Calliope beams.

"That was quite some showmanship," Rose observes. "Ever considered performing in public? I know the Carapace Kingdom would be enthralled by such a display."

"Oh, goodness, I'm not sure," says Calliope, her confidence suddenly offset. 

"It's no obligation," Rose clarifies. "Consider it all you want, or talk to me about it later. But I do think it's an area in which you could excel."

You notice Callie's cheek spirals becoming ever-so-slightly more green. Then Roxy distracts her with some eager whispered chatter, which you probably shouldn't be eavesdropping on and can barely hear anyway (though you just manage to make out the word "majyykwizord").

"Decent enough," Dave says.

What? Oh yeah, Dave's been looking at your cards while you were busy not eavesdropping. He shows them to you:

**You've got: 10(H), K(S), J(C), 9(C), 9(H)**

You nod; you can't disagree with his assessment. A pair of 9s will be enough to ensure you don't strip this hand... probably. You just have to hope that everyone doesn't do really well.

Unfortunately, Rose and Kanaya seem to be doing just as well as usual. Only replacing one of their cards means they're probably pretty confident with their hand, though they don't have much of a reaction when they get their replacement card.

Dirk and Jake throwing away their whole hand is a more hopeful sign (for you, anyway), but when they get their five new cards... though Dirk's stoic as ever, you can tell that Jake's relieved. 

"Pair?" asks Dave.

"Pair," you confirm.

Three more cards, artfully served by Calliope.

**You get: 8(C), 2(C), 4(D)**

No surprises, but no real loss.

Jade and Karkat discard their five cards, but are reassured by what they get back. John and Terezi _also_ ditch all five (looks like there were some really shitty hands this time round), but their new cards send them instantly into near-silent squabbling. With their relationship being what it is, you're not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one.

Finally, when she's done with replacing three of her cards, Calliope announces: "Lay down your hands, please!"

**Rose and Kanaya have: Two pair (Qs and 6s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (8s)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (9s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (9s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Queen high**

Oof. Definitely the game's worst hand so far.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (5s)**

The hatedate couple's argument rises to a volume you can hear. John's definitely not happy: "I fucking told you to keep that ace!"

"We'd still have lost!" shrieks Terezi.

_"We'd have lost less shittily!"_

She yanks John's glasses off his face.

"Terezi, what the _fuck?_ I need those to see!"

"Ohhh noooo, you can't see? That must be sooo terrible, I can't imagine what that must be like!"

"There's a difference, okay? You can smell colours and shit, I can't!"

"Well, no better time to learn than now!"

As their argument goes on, you notice people looking to you. You suppose it's your call as to whether that was a "legal move", so to speak.

You're not sure. There's one thing you need to know to make up your mind. "John?" Still arguing. "John!" CEO voice. He shuts up and listens. "Are you nearsighted or farsighted?" If he's inherited it from you, you know the answer already, but you figure you should at least make sure.

"Nearsighted," he says. Looks like you were correct. "I'll be able to see my cards. And... the people nearby, I guess. But across the room, things get blurry."

"Then the glasses stay off," you rule. "You can put them back on for dealing or whenever else you might need them, and you can have them back full-time if you lose. But for the rest of the game, glasses off!"

"Aw, man." He gives Terezi a glasses-less side-eye.

"What about other people with glasses?" Jake asks, to the right of you.

"Hmm..." You think it over. "If you need them to see, you can keep them. But Striders, I'll be expecting to see those eyes by the game's end!"

Dirk raises an eyebrow. "These could be prescription anime shades, for all you know."

"Hush, you, you can see fine! You're just a huge nerd who likes wearing pointy glasses."

"Point taken." The huge nerd folds his arms.

"Man, how am I gonna card-proof my eyes now? Got the blind card shuriken-thrower over there," (he nods in Terezi's direction) "and I kinda like my eyesight, thanks."

"Hoo hoo, I'm sure you'll be alright!"

John looks decidedly pissed off. "How come I'm the exception?"

"Well... you aren't wearing very much otherwise," Jade notes. "I had my big poofy jacket, Jake had that bodywarmer, and Jane's got her stylish blazer!" You smile at her as thanks for the compliment. "You're the only one of our family who came here with just a T-shirt on your top. The glasses buy you more time!"

"Agreed! Thank you, Jade!" You don't add that you'd prefer there to be as little time between now and Jake getting naked as possible.

"Fine," says your ecto-son, sounding distinctly as if it's not fine. He vents his annoyance by pulling off Terezi's bright red shoes, revealing... bright red socks underneath.

Enough has been said. Calliope passes the deck to Kanaya, and the game continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane:**  
>  Blazer -> Blouse -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave:**  
>  Shades  
> Jacket -> Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade:**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Slip  
> Boots -> Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat:**  
>  Sweater -> T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  Top -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
> Pumps -> Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  Shades  
> Wifebeater  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	6. Hand 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter features discussion of depression, because this couldn't possibly be just a happy sexy fun fic, oh no.
> 
> Skip to " **== > John: Go back to being Jane.**" if you'd rather avoid that.

**== > Jane: Be your ecto-son.**

Ugh, fine. You are now JOHN EGBERT, and yes, you are PISSED OFF.

You know exactly why you agreed to come today, even if you're ashamed of the fact. It's because the most action you've ever had was Terezi flashing you her tits over Snapchat once. She promised you more if you didn't screenshot, but you are not a man of impulse control. And so, true to her word, all of her snaps have been frustratingly squeaky clean ever since.

You want more than that one screenshot of alien boobs. You feel like you should have more in the way of sexual experience by now (you're almost 20, for fuck's sake). You're practically guaranteed to see Terezi's tits again, so if nothing else, you'll get to see that screenshot in the flesh today.

And with your pair's luck so far, that'll be pretty soon. You're two losses in when half the room hasn't even lost once. That's closer to you having your dick out for everyone to see, but it's _also_ closer to teal tits. Fact is, you'd be even closer to dick out if Jane hadn't made an exception for your glasses, so... she did you a favor, you guess.

Still, there's the whole eyesight thing. Who are you _actually able to see?_ And who do you even want to see, for that matter? You've got the front row seat to Terezi, of course, and the people on the adjacent beanbags should be visible enough. Next to you on one side are Karkat and... your sister. You resolve _not_ to look in that direction. 

Then there's the other direction. The direction with Roxy in it. Roxy Lalonde, who you thought you had a good thing going with! But from what you've heard, she didn't really know many boys when she was growing up? Like... literally no boys except Dirk and Jake. And then she saw you, and you were the first new boy she'd seen _ever,_ and she started hitting on you. Of course she did. You know what it's like to be a lonely, horny teen, and you know it too fucking well.

And then she brought Callie back to life, someone who she actually _knew._ Oh, and you started withdrawing from society and never fucking leaving your house. That probably didn't help.

Congratulations, you've managed to get onto the familiar train of thought about how you're a useless, worthless shut-in! This is the last thing you want to think about when there are sexytimes soon to be had, but nevertheless, here the fuck you are.

**== > John: Think about naked people instead.**

Yeah. If there's one thing more distracting than your own depression, it's your own sexual frustration. Though of course the two often come hand in hand.

God, you can't wait to see Terezi naked. It's sad and embarrassing, but you really have looked at that screenshot countless times. It was the most you had, okay? You had to make the most of it!

How long does she have to go? There's her T-shirt, her... is she wearing a bra? You know she wasn't in the screenshot! And it'd be just like her to deliberately not wear one to surprise everyone here, too. Though, looking a little closer, that does look like a bra strap...

Oh fuck, she's caught you looking.

"Like what you see?"

The actual answer is obvious, but damn it, you've got to be wittier than that. Got to match her on her snark. "Better than what you see." Yes! Score one on the blind joke! Low-hanging fruit, but who cares.

She gives a quiet cackle. "You're terrible, John."

You don't disagree.

**== > John: Go back to being Jane.**

You are now Jane again, which is accompanied by a sudden rush of feeling a lot better about yourself, aside from the touch of anxiety that you suppress at all times and try to pretend isn't there especially when you've turned all your duties over to other people for the day and have no idea how well they'll actually do them and for that matter this game still very much has the potential to take a turn for the disastrous and oh yeah Kanaya's just finished dealing your cards.

**You've got: 8(C), 2(C), A(C), 3(D), 7(H)**

Yeah, those don't help with the anxiety.

Dirk and Jake take three cards, and don't seem particularly fazed by them. Then it's your turn:

"Five cards," you tell Kanaya in the CEO voice.

"Wait, are we not even keeping the-" Dave's interruption is too late: you've already got your new ones.

**You get: J(H), 4(D), A(S), 8(S), 4(C)**

Well, if you had kept the ace, you'd now be in possession of a pair of them. Regardless, that 4 of Clubs was the last card you got, so it was an either/or situation - and, seeing as all you have to do is not lose, you're probably good either way.

Dave seems to be having the same thoughts. He shrugs: "Meh. Good enough."

Jade and Karkat replace all five, and with Karkat's voice being what it is, you manage to overhear him saying "the most marginal fucking improvement my miniscule think pan can conceive of". For John and Terezi, it's three cards and nonchalance. Roxy and Calliope: five cards and an over-dramatized sigh of relief from Roxy, who flings an arm around Calliope's shoulders.

Kanaya gives herself and Rose five new cards. The worried look on her face dissipates with the final two cards.

"Show your cards," Rose announces.

**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (9s)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (4s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Queen high**

"Believe me, this is _better_ than our original hand," Karkat mumbles at what must be at least 200 decibels.

**John and Terezi have: Pair (8s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Two pair (2s and 3s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Ks)**

"No fucking surprises there," says the troll to your left. Jade motions to pull up the hem of his sweater, and he lifts his arms up to help her as she does. Once she's done, he tugs off her sturdy boots.

Like you, Jade's usually a practical dresser, but one trait of hers that isn't inherited from you is a weakness for pretty dresses. She'll send you snapchats of her expeditions where she's halfway up a mountain, bundled up in a huge hooded coat... and wearing a dress straight off a Human Kingdom catwalk. It's an interesting sort of fashion sense, but you'll stick to sensible slacks and skirts.

The deck gets passed to Dirk and Jake, and Dirk picks it up to deal. This should be a sight to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane:**  
>  Blazer -> Blouse -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Socks -> Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave:**  
>  Shades  
> Jacket -> Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade:**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Slip  
> Boots -> Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat:**  
>  Sweater -> T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  Top -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
> Pumps -> Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  Shades  
> Wifebeater  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	7. Hand 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to put that "Reader-Interactive" tag on this work to good use!

A series of flashes around the room. You _just_ barely glimpse Dirk's face among it all. A split second later and the cards are all dealt: neat rows of cards, lined up edge-to-edge, have materialised in front of you. Dirk is sat back down on his beanbag, in the same pose as before, as if he didn't even move.

"Showoff," teases Roxy.

Dirk, unlike her, _does_ know how to pull off a poker face. He does so perfectly, not a trace of emotion in that straight-line mouth.

It seems a travesty to pick up such precisely arranged cards, but you do so anyway: the show must go on!

**You've got: 2(D), K(C), 6(C), A(D), 6(S)**

A pair, no surprises there. You're in pretty safe hands with this hand.

"The obvious thing?" Dave asks.

"The obvious thing," you confirm.

Dave gives back the obvious three cards and requests the obvious three more, and in a dash they're there in front of you. There's a slight breeze left in Dirk's wake, and you watch as it ripples through Jake's hair.

"Still kinda freaks me out when he does that," says Dave under his breath. You're not sure if he meant to say that out loud. Best not to pry.

Again, you disrupt the perfect formation of the freshly-dealt cards to survey your new situation:

**You get: 3(D), 10(H), K(S)**

Not much different from the old situation, then.

Jade and Karkat ask for three new cards and get them in another flash of Dirk. Terezi gets a single card for herself and John, and on receiving it her face cracks into a terrifyingly wide grin.

Roxy and Calliope draw three, as do Rose and Kanaya... and Dirk and Jake... yeah, there seem to be a lot of people getting one particular hand. 

"Fuck, I'm falling down all these pairs," Dave says, somehow managing to translate Comic Sans into speech.

**You and Dave have: Pair (6s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Two pair (6s, 9s)**

Like two pairs of Karkat's symbol, you think, certainly not interpreting it in any dirtier ways.

**John and Terezi have: Full house (Qs, 10s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (10s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Qs)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (10s)**

Well.

Huh.

You were bound to lose a hand eventually, but you weren't expecting it on _this_ hand. You thought your pair of 6s would carry you through, strip-free! Yet here they are, losing the hand, the filthy backstabbers.

"So," Dave says eloquently. "Uh," he continues, speaking with his characteristic grace. "Guess we're doing this? Stripping 101? Introduction to Stripping? Entry-Level Striptease?"

"Well... yes! I suppose we are! That is what this game is for, hoo hoo!" You're matching him on saying a lot of nothing. You planned and planned and planned to make this a reality, but now that you're actually doing this...

Roxy puts her hands around her mouth and yells across the room: "Janey, for the love of fuck, only you would get nervous about taking a guy's shoes off!"

... she does have a point.

But _will_ you be taking his shoes off? From the looks of things, you have three options at the moment: the shoes, of course, but the shades and the jacket too.

He interrupts your train of thought: "Any requests?" Since you declared prescription glasses off-limits, it seems as if he has an easier choice than yours: it's either the blazer or the shoes. 

Why _are_ you getting nervous about this? It's not a particularly difficult decision! Make your mind up, Crocker!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Choice #4: which article of Dave's clothing does Jane take off?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14926595)
> 
>  
> 
> [Choice #5: which article of Jane's clothing does Dave take off?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14926585)
> 
> As with the previous polls, you've got until the next chapter tomorrow, which I'm expecting to post around 6am EST.


	8. Hand 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jane's poll was pretty clear results-wise. Currently it's at 8 votes for the winning option and 3 votes for the losing one.
> 
> Dave's poll, on the other hand? God damn, if that was a SPORTS match the announcers would be frothing at the mouth by now. Zero people voted for the sneakers option, but the other two... the vote was actually 50/50 for a while, with the now-losing option in the lead directly before that. Winning option has a two-point lead now, though, so I probably won't have to worry about the result flipping on me in the middle of writing these notes.
> 
> As for what the winning options were... read on.

As you try to make up your mind, you catch yourself wondering exactly what kind of shirt it is he's wearing. Long-sleeved? Short-sleeved? Sleeveless? Or, to put it another way, how much skin will you reveal if you go for it? You can't tell under the half-zipped red hoodie.

You stop wondering, and go for it.

He's a little surprised when you start pulling down the zip, but he helps you by shrugging a little to make it fall off his shoulders and bring it down his arms. As he does, the mystery is solved: short-sleeved! His arm muscles aren't particularly well-defined, but they're there and they're visible, and... not bad.

There's a black record symbol in the center of the dark gray shirt. The record's in one piece, not split in two like you've seen on some of his old selfies (which he posts _constantly_ ).

"Guess I'll do the same," he mumbles. Your blazer is a brighter red than the muted shade on the hoodie you just took off him, and underneath yours is one of your nicest blouses: pastel blue, with a frilled neckline that scoops down and stops just short of cleavage.

Those shades are too dark for you to tell where his eyes are going. But as he slides his hands from your chest onto your shoulders to take off the blazer, you hope he appreciates the view.

Dirk calls from the next beanbag over: "Dude, can you wrap up the copping a feel? One of the two of you's got to deal."

(Was the rhyme intentional? Knowing Dirk, it probably was.)

Dave gets flustered. "Copping a-?"

Wait, is that what it looks like from the outside? Or is Dirk just messing with you?

**== > Jane: Be Dirk.**

Nah, Dirk's thoughts are too well-guarded for a segue into them right now. Maybe later. Maybe when he loses those shades. You know what they say about eyes and windows of the soul, after all.

But since you cared enough to attempt a perspective shift, he'll give you a freebie: for the record, he was _definitely_ just messing with you.

And yeah. The rhyme was intentional. That's how he rolls.

**== > Jane: Continue being Jane, then.**

In the time you spent trying and failing to be Dirk, you realised the deck's now gone round the whole room! You give it a bit of a shuffle, for luck, then dish out its contents to the card-hungry masses.

So, what have you served up for yourself and your newly-jacketless partner?

**You've got: K(D), J(C), 8(C), 2(S), 9(S)**

Oof. King high. Maybe calling this a lucky shuffle was premature.

Dave pre-empts what you're about to say: "All of them."

You nod. There's nothing else you can do with these cards, really. 

Time to handle the second helpings. For starters, Jade and Karkat want the whole lot - were your cards not good enough the first time? Damn critics! Well, from the looks on their faces, at least the new ones seem alright. More than alright, you'd venture. Even Karkat looks pleased.

Two cards for John and Terezi! No real reaction from them, but they seemed pretty happy regardless (you can tell from the terrifying quantity of Terezi's teeth on display). 

Roxy and Calliope get five cards, and Callie's tensely clenched claws relax upon seeing them. One card for the Maryam-Lalondes, and the smug smile on Rose's face remains unchanged. Dirk and Jake receive five their new cards; Jake exclaims "oh, thank Christ!" loudly enough to draw stares from all round the room.

As for your hand... _all of them._ You take five new ones and hope for the best: 

**You get: 3(H), 6(S), 2(C), Q(S), A(S)**

Well, you certainly weren't the Hope player in your session.

You still can't see Dave's eyes, but his face has definitely turned from looking at your cards to looking at you. Considering which piece to take next? Or perhaps he's just appreciating your fine figure? Why not both?

"Lay down your cards," you call, somewhat resigned to your second loss in a row.

**Jade and Karkat have: Three of a kind (6s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Three of a kind (10s)**

You correct your earlier thought: it _was_ a lucky shuffle, just not for you.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (Qs)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Two pair (8s, 9s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Qs)**  
**You and Dave have: Ace high**

Oh dear. You lost that one by a long shot. You make a mental note to never attempt a "lucky shuffle" again.

Well then. What now? Both you and Dave are still in the early stages of stripping, but with your outer layers removed, your choices now could start to show some of the skin that counts. By your reckoning, the choice is between your blouse and your shoes for Dave, and between Dave's shades, shirt, and sneakers for you.

Dave's hesitating. Better make up your mind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE INTERACTIVE STRIPTEASE x2 COMBOB
> 
> [Choice #6: Dave takes off Jane's...](http://www.strawpoll.me/14930473)
> 
> [Choice #7: Jane takes off Dave's...](http://www.strawpoll.me/14930474)
> 
> I'm impatient today and mostly just wanna keep churning out chapters, so I'll take the results after 5 votes on these polls. If there's a tie, I'll make the call myself.


	9. Hand 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a little while it looked like the winners on the polls were gonna be Jane's shoes and Dave's _shirt,_ which is a hilariously uneven pair of options. Imagine it. Dave meekly taking off Jane's shoes, and then she whips his fuckin' shirt off because she is a no-nonsense CEO who wants to see some shirtless boys, pronto! Double time! Make it snappy!
> 
> Didn't work out that way, though. Shame.

Dave beats you to the decision, pulling off your classy red pumps. Your pastel blue socks are left out in the open.

He turns to look across the room: "Hey Terezi, indecent sock exposure is probably illegal, right? You're gonna have to arrest the fuck out of Jane now."

She grins. "I'll have to arrest you too, as an accessory to the crime."

"Objection! Or whatever the fuck. I plead not guilty, Crocker here coerced me. Don't let her lead me into a life of crime. I'm too talented to go to jail, jails don't run paleontological digs or have mixing decks and record collections or whatever. I think."

You "hoo hoo" quietly, and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder: "Don't worry, Dave. When we're in jail, I'll be sure to start a smuggling ring purely to supply you with deejaying equipment."

You may be joking around, but secretly you're glad he went for the shoes rather than the blouse. That would have been far too much, this early in the game! Regardless, you're fairly sure you saw him eyeing it for removal earlier... though the shades make it difficult to tell.

Hmm. You can remedy this.

You put your other hand on his other shoulder, and grip the fabric just slightly as if you were going to pull off the shirt. He raises his eyebrows in surprise... and then you let go, raise your hands to his face and whip off the shades.

Red eyes! You don't think you've ever seen them before. Gosh, they certainly are striking.

"Oh shit, now my eyes are naked. Another casualty in Jane Crocker's ongoing war against decency. Socks, eyes, what's next? Bare feet? Fuck, I'm not sure my innocent mind can take it." You hear a dirty giggle from Jade on the words "innocent mind". She whispers something to Karkat, earning a splutter out of him.

Dave's rambling, and his wide eyes give away his nerves. You give him a reassuring smile, and some of the tension goes out of his face. Seems like it helped... at least a little.

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice your cards. You hadn't even realized Jade was dealing. You hold them up for yourself and Dave to see, now unimpeded by shades:

**You've got: A(H), 6(H), 7(D), Q(S), 4(C)**

Hello again, ace high. While you will profess a fondness for stylish hats, you'd prefer it if your losses didn't form a hat trick.

Jade asks round the circle for new card requests: she gets three three-card discards in a row, from John, Roxy and Kanaya. You suspect the pair tree is at work again.

Dirk and Jake replace all but one of their cards, and Jake frowns at what they get back. Then it's your turn, and Dave turns to whisper to you: "Ditching 'em all? As usual?"

"I'm not sure..." After your double loss, you feel like you could do with being a little nicer to the cards. The last thing you want is more bad kardma. "Let's keep that ace," you decide. "Especially since it has such a lovely red heart on the front."

"Gotcha, Crocks." The nickname is both adorable and horrendous.

Four more cards for you, then:

**You get: 5(S), 5(S), A(C), K(H)**

Excellent! You'd have the pair of 5s even if you'd discarded your whole hand, but people (including you) have lost with higher. The aces put you in a far safer position.

Jade deals herself and Karkat three cards, and the pair tree's handiwork (branchiwork?) is once again clear. Once she's done, your ecto-daughter announces: "Lay them down, everybody!"

**John and Terezi have: Two pair (Ks, 3s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (3s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (As)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Ace high**  
**You and Dave have: Two pair (As, 5s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Three of a kind (5s)**

"Oh, smashing, now I get to do this!" Jake snatches Dirk's shades off his face, and he _yelps_ in outrage.

"Just for that..." In flashes of fingers, the buttons on Jake's shirt are undone. It's too fast for anyone to react, but Dirk's next move gives them time: slowly, almost agonizingly so, he pulls Jake's shirt open and slides the shoulders down.

With Dave's shades gone, it's now perfectly clear that his red eyes are fixed on Jake's torso - and they like what they see. He lets out a long, low " _damn_ ".

You certainly agree. They're only a few feet away from you, and you _certainly_ appreciate being as close to the spectacle as you are.

Jake does the occasional magazine photoshoot. You buy them for the interviews, you say. Reading up on your closest competitor, you say. And you're not lying, but you're also failing to mention the time you spend gaping at those full-page spreads, a glossy Jake English gazing up at you. Some of the photoshoots are pretty tame. A lot of the others... aren't.

What's being revealed on the next beanbag along is nothing you haven't seen before... and yet it's different. Removed from the careful composition and lighting, not to mention the fact that it's right there in front of you, Jake's famed hotness is suddenly oh-so-very- _real._ He's got a boxer's physique: powerful arms, _gorgeous_ shoulder muscles, and... that _certainly_ is a six pack.

He knows all eyes are on him. You know he used to resent the attention, but over time he's come to thrive on it. He stands up, flexing with a bucktoothed grin, and does a turn for the benefit of the whole room. You particularly appreciate the view from the back: not only do you get to see more of those shoulder muscles, as well as the well-defined back muscles leading into them, you _also_ get to see the legendary English Ass. Clothed, and in fairly loose shorts by Jake's standards... but this game will fix that in time.

"Is it wrong that I kinda wanna fuck my bro's boyfriend?" Dave mutters, awed.

"Not wrong in the slightest," you reply.

You barely notice Jade (one of the few people in the room unaffected by the display) passing the deck to John (another one of those few people) so that he can deal the next hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it wasn't Dave, but Jane got to see a shirtless boy this chapter anyway. Score one for the thirsty CEO!
> 
> Hoping to get one last chapter out today (it's already something like half-written). Can't guarantee I won't fall asleep first, though.
> 
>  **Jane:**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > Blouse -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave:**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Shirt  
> Sneakers -> Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade:**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat:**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  Top -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
> Pumps -> Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  Wifebeater  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  Sneakers -> Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	10. Hand 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I fell asleep before finishing this last night.
> 
> Here it is, better late than never.

**== > Jane: His shades are off. NOW you can be Dirk.**

Alright, alright, hold your horses. You are now DIRK STRIDER, minus the shades, and you're having to be a lot more careful about where you stare.

Not that there's much to stare at. When you have cards, you'll be able to stare at them, and when you don't... the English chest is a fuckin' stare-magnet, no matter how many times you've seen it before. All it takes is one look, and fuck, you're falling down all these stares.

Really, though, there aren't that many people in the room that you're particularly jonesing to see naked. Over half the people in here are definitely not your type. Of the five who are, one of them's you, and while you'd be interested in a first-hand experience of how you fuck, you've had enough experience of versions of yourself to know it wouldn't be pleasant. Besides. There's not even another version of yourself in here. Get back to the point.

Of the four others... well, Dave over there is nominally your bro, temporally your ancestor, and biologically your son, which is a whole fuckin' cocktail of familial relationships amounting to no desire to see him naked. Jake, on the other hand, is already your boyfriend; you see him with his clothes off (and with various skimpy outfits _on_ ) on a regular basis. Having said that, undressing him in front of an audience is new to you, and it was pretty fuckin' sweet to show him off like that. You're looking forward to him undressing you in turn.

It's a nice little twist to the game. You'll have to thank Jane later.

Apart from that, there's John, whose appearance always called to mind a knockoff Jake for you. Looks decent, but you'd rather have the real thing, thanks. Karkat, on the other hand? He's pretty cute, and in a way that isn't really like anyone else in the room. Smaller, softer. You'd be down to see more of him.

Between that and Dave obviously ogling the fuck out of Jake, you get the impression that your side of the family shares a taste in guys.

So. If you ain't too invested in the stripping side of things, why'd you even come? For one, you were actually kinda interested in the poker side of things. You love a good game of poker, though it helps that you're good at it - your poker face has always been flawless. This could be the only time you get to play it with all your fellow gods. So why not?

And you won't hesitate to say it: another reason was general curiosity. You've always held an interest in the dynamics of sex, and you're anticipating seeing how that manifests between all twelve of you with decreasing amounts of clothing in the equation. Overly clinical? Perhaps. Maybe you'll get distracted by "baser urges" as the game progresses further (and you'll admit that Jake's half-naked body is already pretty distracting). Regardless, you don't think it's wrong to simply be intrigued by how this might play out.

At this point, you're also kind of speculating a bit. You're pretty damn sure that Jane and Dave will be all over Jake by the game's end, for instance. And he'd probably be fine with that, and you're fine to let him have some fun with people who aren't you. Doesn't change the fact that you're who he comes home to, at the end of the day.

**== > Dirk: Be Jane again.**

You snap back to being Jane, watching your ecto-son deal. As permitted by your rules, he's got his glasses back on temporarily; as soon as he's done, though, Terezi snatches them off again. John sighs, resigned to his semi-sighted fate.

You pick up your cards:

**You've got: 2(C), 9(C), Q(H), 8(C), 6(D)**

There's no doubt about it. This is an absolute unmitigated disaster of a hand. To hell with "bad kardma"! All of these cards need firing on the spot!

You notice both Lalondes turning in their entire hands, and apparently so does Dave: "Guess we're not the only ones who got shitty cards." Dirk and Jake promptly only turn in three, though, which undermines his statement a little.

You request five new cards, and Terezi takes it upon herself to fling them haphazardly in your direction; it's miraculous that they all manage to land face-down.

**You get: 8(S), 3(S), K(H), Q(D), 7(H)**

"This is a little less shit," Dave says. "But it's still shit."

Hopefully you don't have much competition. The fact that both Karkat and John also turn in their entire hands gives you some relief, though both pairs seem relatively pleased with what they get back.

"Let me smell 'em!" screeches Terezi.

You cross your fingers for luck.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (10s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (9s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Js)**  
**You and Dave have: King high**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (Qs)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (Js)**

In a round of abysmal initial hands, somehow you've managed to get the worst deal of all.

"You see, this is how it always goes," says Dave. "You plan out this sexy game, hopin' to see everyone do stripteases, and then you end up being the one stripping long before everyone else. Sod's Law."

That sounds silly and almost superstitious to you... but regardless, you certainly are a little too far ahead for your own good. Neither of the Lalondes (or their partners) have taken off an inch of clothing yet, and here you are, about to lose your third piece!

"Well then," you say. "What will it be?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Choice #8: choose an article of clothing for Dave to take off Jane.](http://www.strawpoll.me/14937664)
> 
>  
> 
> [Choice #9: choose an article of clothing for Jane to take off Dave.](http://www.strawpoll.me/14937665)


	11. Hand 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, I had a whole bunch of stuff written for mutual top removal, then after doing other things I checked back on the polls to see they'd flipped the other way
> 
> oh well, I'll save what I've written for when that time comes

Now that you have the benefit of seeing Dave's eyes, you _know_ he was looking at your blouse there. You raise an eyebrow, and any toplessness plans he might have had vanish; he goes for the socks instead. Once he's peeled them off, you are officially the owner of the first pair of bare feet in the room.

"Your jail sentence just doubled," shouts Terezi.

"Thanks," Dave replies. "I'll think of you as I'm forced to carve my shades into a mini spade so I can dig my way out."

"Please tell me you'd never do that," Dirk says, horrified.

"It's what Stiller would have wanted," he says in a tone of reverence.

You should probably hurry up and take off some of Dave's clothing. After Dirk's stunt, it's all too tempting to go for the shirt, but... after Dave's only taken your shoes? It wouldn't be right! 

And you won't be caught playing copycat, anyway. Imitation may be the highest form of flattery, but mirroring Dirk's own move merely a hand later... that's verging on plagiarism. Though the concept of shirt removal is likely in the public domain.

The sneakers, then. You reach over and undo the straps on them: they're black with a red accent at the soles. You pull them off, and he's wearing plain black socks underneath.

As you finish, you see Roxy's been flinging cards around the room. The last one somehow manages to land _behind_ your beanbag.

"Nailed it," she says.

You lean back and grab it, then assess the situation:

**You've got: 7(S), 7(C), K(S), 3(D), A(D)**

A pair! That'll have you relatively secure, though that depends on how the rest of the hand goes.

Rose takes five new cards from her fellow Lalonde; her brow's furrowed when she shows them to her wife. Five new cards for Dirk and Jake, and the latter is positively jubilant. You even notice Dirk's eyes widening a little.

The turn's come round to you. "You know how this goes," says Dave.

You do. Three new cards from Roxy:

**You get: K(H), 2(S), 5(C)**

Nothing to sweeten the deal, but then it didn't need much sweetening: a judgement you're uniquely qualified to make, being the CEO of a major baked goods corporation. Who knew your expertise in baking would be so applicable to strip poker?

Three cards for all the rest of the players. Jade breaks into a grin at hers, but there's no particular reaction from the others.

"Let's see 'em!" Roxy yells.

**Rose and Kanaya have: Ace high**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Two pair (As, 5s)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (7s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Two pair (6s, 5s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (3s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (6s)**

Finally, something from the penultimate fully-clothed pair!

"The time has come, I'm afraid," mourns Rose. "Kanaya, now is your chance to bid your shoes farewell, before cruel fate parts you."

Her wife gives her a quizzical look, then glances down at her classy black pumps: "Goodbye...?"

Roxy is cracking up next to them. Rose's mouth quirks into a smile as she slips off Kanaya's shoes, revealing the translucent gray shoe liners beneath.

"As for my shoes," she says, "I regret that I must take this journey without them, for they have served me with such loyalty in the past. They have been kicked and stepped on, but these kitten heels play their role with feline grace. I thank them for their dutiful obedience, but now... they must be set free."

There is a moment of silence, then Kanaya interjects: "That was quite the stirring speech, but that's not what I was planning to take."

"Oh. Well, isn't that bathetic. Wait, what were-"

Kanaya's hands find the bottom of Rose's top - a heavy knit sweater with the neckline looping like a scarf - and lifts it clear. Rose's upper body is now clad solely in a silky violet undergarment (a camisole, you believe it's called), with underwiring supporting her modest bust.

"Well, that's certainly an alternative," Rose says.

Kanaya smiles, the tips of her fangs showing on her bottom lip, then takes the deck to deal the next hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone asks: ["bathetic" is not a typo.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bathos)
> 
>  **Jane:**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > Blouse -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave:**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Shirt  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade:**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat:**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  Wifebeater  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  Sneakers -> Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	12. Hand 11

**== > Jane: Be Kanaya.**

You are now KANAYA MARYAM, and even as you deal, you're smiling to yourself about that last hand's results.

The camisole you just unveiled is one of your proudest works, tailor-made to fit perfectly to your wife. It accentuates the bust, opening out at the neckline to give a teasing glimpse of her breasts, then flutters out delicately below. It's a simple design, but you're particularly happy with how it turned out... as is Rose. As such, it's usually reserved for special occasions, and as you remarked when you were getting dressed this morning, this event certainly qualifies.

Your work has been routinely displayed on Carapacian catwalks, but certain garments that the two of you are wearing have never been seen by anyone else. It'll be nice to get to show them to a slightly larger audience. In fact, it was somewhat disheartening that you'd been playing so well until now... so, of course, you took the first chance you could get to begin the show.

You're determined to make the most of this. Both yourself and your wife were eager to participate in this game: marriage may not be a native concept to you, but Rose has constantly emphasised that it doesn't have to be _limiting._ And so here you are, on the precipice of baring yourself to friends and acquaintances, being the exact opposite of "limited". It's slightly intimidating, but you appreciate Rose's presence beside you as you play, and you fully intend to see the game to its conclusion.

And that's not all you'll be seeing today, you think to yourself, as you deal each pair their final card. Going round the circle: Dirk and Jake don't interest you in that way, but Jane next to them will almost certainly have something in store (she's had the longest to prepare, after all). Jade... you've always got along quite well with her, and you've always thought she looked quite pretty. You know she's happy in her three-sided relationship, but you're equally happy that she's also choosing not to limit herself.

Terezi is... the most fitting word you can think of is _bizarre._ A little intimidating in herself, and unfamiliar now that you haven't seen her in years. Roxy, on the other hand, is the opposite. As fellow queens of the Carapace Kingdom, you know each other well, and ever since you met her, she's been friendly and open and welcoming to you no matter what. You couldn't ask for a better... mother-in-law? Yes, you think that's the term. As far as incoming nudity goes, it's clear which Lalonde you personally find more attractive, but that doesn't mean you're not amenable to seeing more of Roxy.

You're not sure what to think of Calliope; she's certainly adorable when clothed, but you can barely conceive of the impression she'd give when wearing less. You know exactly what to think of Rose, though. You give her two things: her final card, and a kiss on the cheek. She smiles softly as you settle back into position on the beanbag.

(What is it with the beanbags?)

**== > Kanaya: Look at your cards.**

Just as you try to execute the OUT-OF-BODY CARDPEEK MANEUVER, you suddenly snap back to being Jane! While you may be the one making the rules in this particular game, taking advantage of a narrative perspective switch to look at somebody else's cards is still _cheating._

Time to look at your own cards instead.

**You've got: J(C), Q(H), 2(S), 10(C), 2(D)**

Oh, marvelous, the lowest possible pair. At the very least, if anyone ends up playing a high card, you're safe.

Jake seems pretty happy already as he requests two new cards. Then it's round to you, and you don't even need to consult Dave: you've got a pair, now let's see if three other cards make up for it.

**You get: 9(D), J(C), 4(D)**

Well, you got another Jack of Clubs to replace the one you discarded, but apart from that...

"Nothing particularly inspiring," you say to Dave.

"If these new cards were giving some kinda inspirational speech, they'd have half the crowd snoozin' and the other wanting to go do something more interesting. Like clean a toilet," Dave agrees.

Jade and Karkat replace three cards, an obvious sign of a visitation from the pair tree... and then all three of the pairs after them replace their entire hands. Your pair of twos may well do you fine after all.

**Dirk and Jake have: Three of a kind (9s)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (2s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (6s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (Qs)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (2s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Js)**

You inspect your cards again... seems like the highest card you have is that duplicate Jack of Clubs.

Roxy picks up her Ace of Spades and waves it from side to side. "Sorry, Janey," she teases.

Looks like it's time to lose another item of clothing. Your _fourth,_ when the runners up have two lost and your occasional girlfriends are still fully-clothed. Good grief.

Dave nudges you. "Told ya, Jane. Sod's Law."

You're starting to believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Choice #10: shirt or socks?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14947364)
> 
> [Choice #11: trousers or blouse(rs)?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14947362)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's been voting so far, by the way! The response has been great.


	13. Hand 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has definitely been my favourite chapter to write so far.
> 
> (one of the polls has evened out at 50/50 but eh, I've already written this, I'm going with what it was before that)

Dave is dumbstruck. His hands appear to have stopped functioning in midair. Looks like you'll be the one making the first move.

You _could_ go for the sensible option and simply remove his socks, but... he's going to remove a major article of your clothing no matter what, so you may as well beat him to it. You feel as if this room could do with more shirtless boys in it, anyway.

And besides, you didn't organize this game just so you could be _sensible_.

Hands to the hem, you start lifting his shirt. Those big eyebrows of his shoot to the ceiling, but he raises his arms to help you pull it off. Once done, you set the shirt to one side and survey your handiwork: one half-naked Dave Strider.

Now, you've seen more than your fair share of Dave's selfies in your time, but none of them show even the slightest bit more skin than he usually shows. Not even ironically, let alone erotically!

So all of this is new to you. The sight is a far cry from Jake's musclebound body, but certainly not in a bad way! Dave's far more compact, and in spite of the cute little bit of pudge at his stomach, it's generally a pretty sleek physique (hoo hoo). And _hair!_ Little curls cropping up all over. Some scattered across his chest, and more leading from his lower belly down into his jeans (which are cut just a little lower than you'd expected, and you see the beginnings of a V shape leading down from the top of his hips too).

All in all, you have to say, it's quite a sight.

He's looking you in the eye now, his gaze a little unsteady. What's his move going to be?

**== > Jane: Be Dave.**

You are now DAVE STRIDER, and you know how the saying goes... turntable is fair play?

Nah, that's not how it goes. Turn _tech_ is fair play, that's it.

Whatever it is, it basically means: if someone does something shitty, it's cool if you do it back. And Jane just took your shirt off, which isn't really shitty, it's kinda what you're _meant_ to do here, but you still had socks she coulda taken, so, maybe?

Looks like you got two options on her. That blue top thing she's wearing, or the slacks. Simple choice. Top or bottom. (Not in that way, oh god, don't think about that right now. Just. Don't.)

(You think about it anyway.)

Alright. She took your shirt, so, so, you should probably take hers, right? And you're mostly into ass, not boobs (Karkat doesn't have any and Jade barely does), so you probably won't lose your cool at Crocker tits. Right?

You grab onto it and start lifting it over your head and oh fuck, oh fuck, you lose your cool.

She's got this red bra on. Really, really nice red bra. All sorta lacy round the edges. And. God. Fuck, those are some boobs. Big and soft and you kinda wanna squeeze 'em.

And she's all cute and chubby, and all soft and round, and she's staring up at you, big blue eyes behind those glasses, and

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

"Our cards," says Jane. You didn't even notice Dirk dealing them out.

"Right," you say. About all you can manage right now.

You take a sneaky glance down at your jeans. You can feel things tightening up in there, but for now... hidden well enough.

For now.

**== > Dave: Go back to being Jane.**

You're kinda hyperventilating still. Can't really pull off a perspective switch like this. You think you'll just stick to being Dave for a bit.

Hey, you know what you should do? Take a look at your fuckin' cards, jackass.

**You've got: K(S), 5(C), A(D), 8(S), 5(D)**

A pair right off the bat. Not the best one, but who gives a fuck. It'll probably be fine.

Or maybe you've just doomed yourself to stripping by saying that.

(and to stripping Jane some more but don't think about that nope)

Fuck it. You're up first, and you know what to do with pairs. Easiest tactic there is. The kind of poker tactics they could teach in kindergarten. Not for strip poker though.

"Hey Jake, gimme three?"

**You get: A(C), 7(S), 7(C)**

Fuck yes, another pair. Sweet.

Your boyfriend and girlfriend replace four. Bit of angry grumbling from Karkat, but you can't make out any of it. Make any of it out. Whatever. He sounds regular Karkat-pissed, not sad-pissed, so it's cool.

John and Terezi take one card, and then John takes one of his shoes and gives Terezi a weak bash on the leg with it. Then a load of angry arguing with Terezi, too quiet for you to hear the words. The hell is going on there?

Roxy grabs one for her and Callie. Looks pretty chuffed about it. Kanaya and your sis take five and look alright with them, and Dirk and Jake... Jake's facing a bit away from you, so you can't tell what's going on with him (but you _can_ tell what's going on with his back muscles, and the answer is _a hell of a lot, holy fucking shit_ ). Dirk's facing more your way, but you can't read a fuckin' thing on his face. As usual.

"Bring on the cards!" says Jake.

**You and Jane have: Two pair (7s, 5s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Ace high**  
**John and Terezi have: Four cards, all Diamonds, and one more that Terezi's clutching so hard she's almost pierced it with her nails**

"All of them, Pyrope," says Dirk.

"Fine." She slams down a mangled Six of Hearts, and John sighs.

**John and Terezi have: Queen high (and a failed attempt at a flush)**

You hear Karkat muttering "thank fuck", and you know from Terezi's brief snarling twitch that she heard it too.

John rolls his eyes and goes to take off Terezi's socks, but Jake interrupts: "Hey, wait a minute! We haven't finished yet!"

He gives him an incredulous look. "It's not like anyone will have any worse."

"Just wait," says Dirk, straight-faced and staring like a motherfucker.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Two pair (As, 5s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (4s)**

Finally, Jake lays down his hand. John puts his glasses on and squints till he can make out what they've got, which is... "Oh."

**Dirk and Jake have: Jack high**

Terezi points at them and laughs like a maniac (while John winces and covers his ears).

"It's hilarious, I know," says Dirk, deadpan.

"And it means I get to do this!" Jake grabs the back of Dirk's black wifebeater and pulls it up and off. And, uh, yeah, now he doesn't have a shirt on.

**== > Dave: Be someone who can actually appreciate this.**

You are now KARKAT VANTAS, and you can't believe it! There are people in here who are worse at this game than you! You were pretty fucking worried there, but no, it turns out this game hates everyone.

So why the fuck are you here? Why haven't you got off this _fucking beanbag_ (seriously, what is it with the beanbags??) and just, just run out the room, out of the building, and gone home and curled up in the dry human bed until Dave and Jade come home and curl up with you? Or maybe they won't! Maybe they'll have too much fun here and just never come back????

And what, just keep playing poker forever? That doesn't make any fucking sense!

"Karkat!"

Jade's noticed you freaking out, because she always does. So you focus on your breathing and... begin to calm down.

(You're so glad you have her and Dave. You love them, and they... they love you. You don't always get why, but they really fucking love you.)

Why are you here? Because you've seen shit like this in movies, human and troll. Read it in trashy novels too. You wanted to be part of it yourself, is that such a fucking crime?

Of course, you were nervous, because you always have been. Stripping means people seeing the color of what you've got in your pants, and... it's fine! People _know_ your blood color, and they don't care, and you won't wake up tomorrow to a culling drone.

You have to keep reminding yourself that. The first six sweeps of your life trained you to know that wasn't the case.

English and Other Strider have lost, with a hand even more pathetic than yours, and Other Strider's shirt has just come off. And... ugh. He's, he's hot, okay? He's hot.

It's not that he looks like Dave. Which he does. Obviously. For obvious reasons.

It's that he looks like...

For fuck's sake, he looks like the male highblood hate interest who drops in halfway through the book and seduces the male protagonist. With the tight muscled body built for being a deadly motherfucker who could slice through three bodies in one swing. And an INSUFFERABLE smirk. They're usually threshecutioners, they're usually assholes, and you usually imagine them looking _just like he does!!!_

For fuck's sake. Give him gray skin and huge horns and you could imagine him gracing the cover of any of... fourteen? Fifteen? Off the top of your think pan, you can think of _fifteen_ different novels with characters whose descriptions he would fit like a hand cover. And in twelve of those you remember hopelessly hating those characters just as much as the male protagonists did. You have a weakness for this type, and you know it. And you hate it.

And then Strider takes English's socks off, which you don't care about, because you don't give a shit about that asshole's feet. You don't have a foot fetish and you don't plan on developing one solely for this perspective switch. They're just feet.

While you're busy not giving a shit about feet, your eyes drift back to Strider's chest.

God fucking dammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Choice #12: After this chapter, should we stay in Dave's perspective for a bit? Or go back to being Jane?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14949020)
> 
> **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Trousers -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Bra  
> Shoes -> Stockings -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Singlet  
> Shoes -> Trousers -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > Shoe liners -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Shorts -> Briefs


	14. Hand 13

**== > Karkat: Stop fantasizing about Other Strider. Go back to being the other Other Strider and deal the next hand.**

Alright. You're now THE OTHER OTHER STRIDER, by which you mean DAVE STRIDER, and "other" has kinda stopped sounding like a word.

You're dealing the next hand and not talking to Jade's hot... _Jane,_ because you know if you open your mouth you're just gonna let loose a torrential flood of "hot mom" slips. And maybe that "banging your mom" SBAHJ reference.

Don't think about banging her. Don't.

Somehow, you actually managed to deal all the right cards to all the right people, even with your head stuck in a cloud of _not thinking about banging Jade's hot mom,_ and... yeah. Now you gotta look at them. Which you do.

**You've got: Q(H), 6(D), 5(H), 4(C), J(S)**

"Not a single one of these is good," Jane says, like a soccer mom returning a bunch of unripe bananas at Walmart and getting pissed off at the manager. Fuck you're thinking of her as a mom again.

All you do is nod to agree with her, because shit, everything you just thought is embarrassing enough when it's just in your head.

Oh yeah people need cards. Five for Jade and Karkat, and he shrugs. John and Terezi get two. Terezi's had that terrifying grin on ever since taking the piss outta your bro last hand, and fuck, you didn't know it was possible, but now she's grinning _harder._

Roxy and Callie, five cards, and a loud "aw, FUCK". Rose and Kanaya get three... Dirk and Jake get three...

**You get: 2(D), 3(C), J(S), J(H), 8(D)**

_Guess we're jacking it now,_ you think.

FUCK

The game. Focus on the game.

"Show 'em," you say.

**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (2s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Four of a kind (8s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: King high**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (9s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Js)**  
**You and Jane have: Pair (Js)**

"Callie, we were doing _so well!_ " Roxy sobs.

"And we still are!" says the little green girl. "But we were bound to lose a hand eventually. It's quite a feat that it took us this long!"

The two of them smile at each other, and fuck, it's cute even though one of their smiles is full of green teeth.

She takes off ~~your mom's~~ ROXY'S pink hi-tops, Roxy takes off her classy dress shoes, and you pass the deck to the other two thirds of your relationship on your left. Time for them to deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point on, I'm taking dare suggestions in the comments. If you've read the original Strip Pokerstucks, you'll probably know how these work, but for those who don't know or don't remember:
> 
>   * If a character would have to remove a piece of underwear this round, they get the chance to do a dare instead.
>   * Everyone gets two chances to do dares: girls get once before bra and once before underpants, guys get twice before underpants.
>   * Out of dares? Gotta remove the clothes!
>   * The second Strip Pokerstuck fic had solo dares and group dares, but to keep it simple here I'll limit it to solo dares: each person doing a dare draws one for themself.
>   * Every character writes down dares for the others to do, then everyone who needs to do a dare draws one at random.
> 

> 
> With that explained: go ahead, suggest some dares! Funny dares, sexy dares, any dares. Suggest dares for certain characters to have written, or suggest general dares not written by anyone in particular. Bear in mind that people _will_ be in their underwear by this point, so feel free to take full advantage of this fact.
> 
> You're not allowed to refer to specific people in the dares (eg: "make out with Jake"), but you _are_ allowed to refer to other people in ways that'll vary from person to person and from round to round (eg. "make out with your partner/one person in the pair to your left/both people in the pair who won the round").
> 
> I'll keep track of dares in the end notes from now on. I reckoned it was best to start taking dare suggestions a little before dares started happening, to give people a chance to get dares in, but... Jane and Dave are both pretty close...
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  T-shirt -> Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Stockings -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > Shoe liners -> Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	15. Hand 14

**== > Dave: Stop thinking about hot moms. BE your hot mom.**

Hell yeah! You are now THE HOTTEST MOM, aka. ROXY LALONDE.

You and Callie have been looking forward to this for weeks! Janey's been talking about her plans to you two on and off for aaaages now, and you and your gorgeous cherub gf are going ALL IN.

You are totes down to see some hot bods. God daaaamn, you wish you coulda told your past self, stuck in the middle of the ocean aka. complete desert of any hot bods minus your own (and you weren't about to bang a chess piece) that one day you'd be here, surrounded by beautiful friends, and about to see them naked. When did your life become a sex dream come true?

And Callie! Fuck, Callie didn't even have chess guys! She had a bunch of _jack shit_ , and her imagination, which you know is vivid as hell but it's never really as good as the real thing, is it? You know she had aaaaallllllllll those fantasies back when she was stuck alone with her piece of shit bro, and now... looks like she might see a few of 'em come true. Wink wonk.

You two've been putting those imaginations to good use in the meantime though. You've been chatting about what you think's gonna go down for days on end. Callie wants to see what Jade gets up to in particular, and you... man, you're curious about pretty much everyone! Like... _also_ Jade, and John too (what's he been up to lately?) And Terezi for that matter, popped up outta nowhere to play some poker and show some pussy.

Well. Not _exactly_ pussy. As someone who takes pride in taking pleasure from pussies in all their forms (cats, cunts, take your pick), you know for sure that a pussy ain't exactly what trolls have. Little different. And with _extra._ You're looking forward to seeing some of _that._

You know Callie herself _definitely_ has something the people here ain't used to. And she ain't particularly confident about it. She's the only person in the world who looks like she does. Feels like she does. Has a two-foot tongue like she does...! 

You know she makes do with what she's got (and oh boy, she does _more_ than make do). Doesn't stop her being nervous, though. But she came here anyway, bless her.

You'd be lying if you said people would be okay with it immediately, they'll probably think it's weird, but... you know these guys, you trust them enough to know they won't fuck this up. For Callie's sake.

**== > Roxy: Switch back. Here comes the son.**

God, you'd better not come just yet. That would be way too premature. You've kinda settled down a bit, kinda got used to Jane in her bra right fuckin' next to you... kinda still internally screaming about that fact. But you got it covered. Mostly.

Jane's just finished dealing out the cards, and _fuck,_ the way her ears twitch when she's happy is cute. That's one thing that always sends you all goofy happy, no matter how many times you've seen it.

And you can mostly just see the side of Karkat's face, but you can tell he's happy to see it. Little bit of a smile. Shy-happy, but still happy. You love him. You love them both.

Cards. Right. Let's see if you love these.

**You've got: 8(S), 2(H), K(C), 5(C), 5(C)**

Oh hey, double Five of Clubs. You wonder if that should be some kinda special hand for people playing with two decks. Like... Time Clone Pair. Or something.

Terezi takes five new cards and sticks her tongue out in disgust. Callie takes three, looking like she's on the happy side of nonchalant. Two for your sis... and when your bro gets his three, Jake lets out an awed "ay carumba".

Your turn.

**You get: 4(S), A(S), 3(D)**

Nothing really interesting. Time Clone 5s'll have to do.

Jade grins at her three new cards (holy SHIT look at those ear twitches!) and then: "Lay down your cards!"

**John and Terezi have: Ace high**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (4s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Three of a kind (Ks)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Three of a kind (As)**  
**You and Jane have: (Time Clone) Pair (5s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Three of a kind (7s)**

Damn! Triple three of a kinds! Hell of a round.

And wow, Terezi's wasting no time in whipping John's shirt off. "Hey!" he yells - she's tugging it up from the back of the neck and it's got stuck round his armpits. He gives her some side-eye, then lifts up his arms so he can pull it off.

Huh. Shouldn't really be a surprise, but John looks a lot like Jake. Difference is, Jake's maturing into some kinda beefy badass businessman boxer, while John is... well, whatever he's maturing into, it sure ain't something that sees much sunlight. Like, you can _tell_ he's got the potential for muscles there, but it's mostly just kinda soft. Which ain't a problem. You like soft. Maybe he gets it from his hot mom who oh yeah is sitting right next to you and is almost as topless as he is.

John, though. Man. You've never really thought of him, like, being attractive or whatever.. Maybe you did back when you were shades-deep in denial, but if you did it would've been buried under a fuckton of "nope". And maybe you did when you were figuring this shit out, realizing what you'd been denying all this time, but you were a whole twisted bunch of time and space away from him back then.

You sure are now. He... he ain't bad. Would he even be interested, though? He's always been sorta clueless when it comes to sexuality shit. And you don't think he's really taken the chance to broaden his mind, see what's out there - you snapchat him a whole lot, but all those snapchats come from inside his house.

Regardless, if he'd rather just leave it at "childhood friend", you'd be down for that. But you'd be down for other things too if he's willing.

And oh shit, train of thought's broken by Terezi's shirt coming off. It's that saying again, turntables are airplay. "Take that!" says John, sounding more than a little dumb.

"Yeah, I kinda had it coming." She grins, looking like she doesn't regret a damn thing.

You heard (from John, over Snapchat, who as always was as subtle and tactful as a grand piano comically dropped from above) that you dated Terezi in another timeline. Like, not your sort of timeline, where a Dave comes back and dies and you know you fucked up. _His_ sort of timeline, where he changes shit and suddenly shit just always has gone that way, which ain't how your understanding of time works. It's weird. You dated Terezi. John fucked shit up. You didn't date Terezi.

You asked him how it went, and he said he thought it sounded kinda weird? But that he hadn't heard much about it. And you took his word for it, and brought it up sometimes in your usual rambly way, and he didn't have a damn thing else to say about it any of those times. So instead you wondered, imagined what the hell it woulda been like to date the blind Scourge Sister with her coin and her cane.

You wonder if the other version of you ever touched those pointy tits she's got, sitting in the black bra lined with red. She's all skinny and bony and you think those ribs would cut your hand to touch. And she'd probably be into that.

Her and John. _What the fuck kind of couple are they?_ you wonder as the deck gets passed to them and - 

Oh god.

Terezi's dealing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovin' the dares so far. Fair few of you may end up seeing yours (or similar ones) turn up later on. Keep 'em coming!
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Stockings -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  Suit Jacket -> Shirt -> Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > Shoe liners -> Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	16. Hand 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little more depression talk here. Go down to " **== > Terezi: Be Dave again. Also, look at your cards.**" to skip.

**== > Dave: Be the terrifying blind dealer.**

You are now TEREZI PYROPE, and you're going to have some _fun._

You've enjoyed this game so far. It's brought out your competitive streak... and your "messing with John" streak. You can smell his eyes - those little spots of liquorice surrounded by blueberry - are pointing right at your boobs. You fiddle with your bra strap just a little, exposing them a little more at the cup, and you _know_ those liquorice spots expanded just then. Just a little.

You've loved fucking with him over Snapchat, but you forgot how good it was in person. There's so much more you can do... and so much more of a reaction to savor. Like the reaction you can smell in between his legs! Something's beginning to cast a shadow there. You can't wait to take off his jeans and get a closer sniff.

You're looking forward to a lot of things with John. You've spent months teasing him... and it's been frustrating you as much as it's frustrated him. It's about time you sealed the deal. You know he'll want to. You know you drive him crazy, and you love it.

But you also know that this is all just a distraction. This is fun, but you're not happy. You can enjoy this, but you _know_ that tomorrow you'll be out in the Furthest Ring again, picking up the trail where you left off, still on the hunt for your best shot at being happy.

You know that one version of you managed to find one version of her, and you felt, just briefly, the bliss that it brought.

You've been chasing that bliss ever since.

Doesn't matter now though. This is the time for fun, not for moping and hoping and searching for her. You'll make the most of this game while you can.

You hold the first card menacingly aloft. Dave clamps a protective hand over his eyes... and you throw that card like a discus directly at Roxy and Calliope.

**== > Terezi: Be Dave again. Also, look at your cards.**

You'll have to uncover your eyes for that, and no way you're doing that when Terezi's still dealing!

It's... kinda quiet, though, and you're not sure if that's just normal quiet or the shitty horror movie "too quiet". You're gonna open your eyes to see everyone dead with a card through their throat, aren't you?

You peek through your fingers... just as John squeals at Terezi flinging a card at his arm. One's ended up in Calliope's shoe. Another gets lodged in Kanaya's hair. Dirk fuckin' snatches one in mid-air before it reaches his anime bangs.

 _Shit!_ One just zoomed right past your fuckin' head! You're pretty sure it skimmed some of your hair too. You hear Jane clambering off the beanbag and reaching to get it... and you hear Terezi's giggled "whoops".

What the hell.

Sounds like she's finished. _Now_ you can look at your cards.

**You've got: 10(C), K(D), A(H), 6(D), 2(S)**

This is a steaming pile of shit. "Thanks, Terezi," you mutter. (Did she hear that across the room? Because she just fuckin' grinned.)

Could make for a decent high card situation, at least... but that's if Jane doesn't get rid of that ace like she's firing a shitty employee. Out of a cannon.

"Oh goodness," says Jane. "I suppose we may as well hold onto that ace." Thank fuck.

Roxy and Callie take five cards (dealt by John this time), and HOLY FUCK. ~~Mom~~ Roxy just fuckin' screamed. Good scream, not "murdered by a card" scream.

Sis and sister-in-law grab two, which Terezi insists on dealing this time. One slots itself right under Rose's headband. Bro grabs all three of Terezi's murdercards and adds them to his hand without missing a beat.

"Hey _John!_ Gimme four," you shout, sliding over your four non-ace cards. He beats Terezi to the deck this time. God you hope John cards are better than Terezi cards.

**You get: Q(C), 9(C), 3(H), 2(S)**

Well fuck.

Jade asks for three cards _from John_ , but this time John's not quick enough and Terezi throws the cards to bump into Karkat's li'l horns instead. Then they're fighting over the deck for their own cards, and somehow they manage to get five new ones in all their arguing.

"Gimme a whiff!" Terezi yells.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Four of a kind (8s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Three of a kind (9s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Three of a kind (Qs)**  
**You and Jane have: Ace high with Q and 9 kicker**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (10s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Ace high with Q and J kicker**

Jesus fuck. Close call between you guys and the hatelationship. Sure enough though, you lost out, and now Terezi's doing the classic point and laugh. Even John looks a little smug.

And now, uhh...

Yeah, you're not going for the bra yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [to the people who caught this chapter before I realised a few paragraphs of it were still just notes, a) god damn you're fast and b) whoops]
> 
> [Choice #13: what item of clothing does Dave lose this time?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14972329) 
> 
> Jane only has her slacks between her and dare territory, so no choice for her this time.
> 
> As she's about to get down to her underwear - and introduce the dare rule - the characters will be writing their dares next round. **This is your last chance for dare submissions!** (For now, at least - there'll be another batch when the original dares run out, but that won't be for a while.)


	17. Hand 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing dares!

**== > Dave: Be Jane.**

Oh dear. Looks like you're altogether much too far ahead of the curve for your liking.

You can't say you expected this. You _considered_ it, of course, when you were thinking things over and thinking things through and thinking of all possible worst case scenarios, but you convinced yourself that it was very unlikely to actually happen.

Well, that's probability for you. As unlikely as something may be, if there's even the _smallest_ chance of something happening... then it might. And, in this case, it _has_.

You suppose you'll let him get it over with. You stand up, stepping closer to present the waistband to him, and... "Go ahead," you say.

Sitting on the beanbag beneath you, he looks... conflicted. Unmistakeably aroused, but also almost intimidated? You laugh weakly, almost as if to reassure him that you're as nervous about this as he is, and that seems to help a little.

He gets up. Undoes the little red button at the top. Pulls down the fly with a shaky hand. Grasps each side...

Well. That was a little too quick a pantsing for your liking, but you'll attribute that to nerves. It's exposed your high-waisted red and white-polkadot panties... and your larger-than-average thighs. Your eyes scan the faces in the room to gauge the response: it's mostly positive or neutral, with family members looking away and Roxy, of course, grinning. "GET 'ER, DAVE!" she yells, and he winces.

The overall reaction is a relief. The person you were a few years ago would have balked at the idea of exposing her legs to an audience, but you'd like to think that years of no one giving a shit (and conversely, your chosen partners _loving_ them) has assuaged that somewhat. Still, though, the worry is there.

You wonder what Dave thinks...

**== > Jane: Be Dave. Think things.**

fuck fuck fuck you wanna cuddle her and squeeze her ass and kiss all the way up her thighs

**== > Dave: Return to Janehood.**

Whatever's going through his mind, he certainly seems preoccupied. And is constantly stealing glances downwards.

You suppose it's your turn. You're fairly sure you're going to go for the jeans rather than the socks - it'll even you up a little, as well as doing more to expose a rather objective method of gauging his reaction. At issue now, of course, is the matter of _going through with it._

Button undone. Fly unzipped. Pants down, shimmied somewhat down the hips so it's not quite so abrupt, and... somewhat toned legs, with dark red boxers and a _definite_ reaction inside.

"Don't I look like a fuckin' dork, here in my boxers and socks and no shades," he says, running his mouth as his primary defense mechanism. "Sure, I'm shirtless and stripped down, but don't worry, still got my socks on. Precious minds are spared the sight of my naked feet."

You sit back down on the beanbag, and he quickly follows, crossing his legs in an awkward position.

**== > Jane: Introduce a new game mechanic.**

Goodness, you _have_ reached that part of the game, haven't you?

The deck's being passed to Roxy to deal, but: "Wait!" you interrupt, in something that's not quite managing to be your CEO voice. "Before we get started on the next hand, I have an announcement to make! As we've now reached a stage of the game where... well, _I'm_ on the verge of losing underwear, I'd like to introduce a new feature to the game..."

You fish into your trusty satchel (it's just so much _nicer_ than the common man's sylladex) and retrieve a box of blank business cards as well as a pencil case. You deal out the business cards - one each - and then distribute pens to all in their favourite colours. Lovely light blue for you!

"Everybody, write a dare on the card I've just given you! From now, when you've lost a hand and are due to lose a piece of underwear, you may now draw one of the dare cards instead, giving you a brief respite from briefs removal." There's a groaning around the room at the pun. "Or whichever garment to which this may apply!"

Dirk makes a slanderous accusation: "Are you just making up this rule last-minute? To literally cover your ass?"

"Shoosh, you, I had this planned!"

"Yeah, I believe her," Roxy drawls. "Janey here won't do a thing if it ain't planned out and thought about for days and days and days."

Well, she's right in this specific instance, but: "I can be spontaneous sometimes! Roxy, you know that _very_ well."

"I sure do!" Roxy gives an exaggerated wink. Dave hides his face in his hands.

You write down your own dare:

Spray whipped cream all over your partner's face and chest, then lick it off. Make sure you don't miss any spots!

You've had this planned for three weeks and finalized for two days. You've stashed a can of whipped cream in the kitchen fridge in preparation. You spent days deliberating on the "and chest" section of the dare, and spent further days considering other possible regions of the body. This was your final decision: it's risqué, but doesn't go too far just yet. You've got a dare involving the groin region saved for the top-up dares!

Then there's a couple of clarifications on rules that you announce to the room: "As we women in the room have both bra and underpants to lose, I'm allowing the menfolk to take two dares on their underpants. Evens things up nicely. And by the way: no referring to anyone by name in the dares!" John groans, tearing his card into pieces. You chuckle and pass him a fresh card. "It's fair game to refer to people like the dealer, the winner of the hand, or the dare-doer's partner. But nothing more specific!" 

People finish up with thinking of and writing down their dares; you collect their cards, one by one. Then a new set of cards are dealt, as Roxy delivers five playing cards to all in the room.

**You've got: 8(D), 10(D), 5(S), 9(H), 6(H)**

You're fairly sure from the fingernail marks on this Six of Hearts that it's the same one Terezi was clawing at a few rounds ago.

You're half-inclined to claw at it yourself, given how perfectly it completes this quintuple dose of dire cards. Nothing in here is worth spending even a moment's more consideration: it _all_ has to go.

"Jesus fuck," says Dave, summarizing your thoughts nicely.

(You briefly suspect Roxy of somehow rigging the deal in order to get you further with Dave. It's logistically implausible, of course, but... Roxy.)

Rose and Kanaya turn in five cards, so at least you're not alone on bad hands. Dirk and Jake only need three. You request five, and Roxy grins as she turns them over: "Enjoy 'em!" Suddenly your wild theory on hand-rigging has become a fraction more plausible.

**You get: A(H), 5(H), A(C), 4(H), 4(S)**

Well! That's quite the fortunate happenstance. Barring unusually good hands from everybody else, it looks like none of the freshly-written dares will be finding their way to you. Not yet, at least.

Barring John and Terezi, who turn in four, everyone else following you has their entire hand replaced. Looks like you weren't alone on the initial bad luck.

"Reveal your cards!" calls Callie.

**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Ks)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (7s)**  
**You and Dave have: Two pair (As, 4s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Two pair (5s, 3s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Three of a kind (7s)**

Quite a recovery you all managed to make there!

**Roxy and Calliope have: Jack high**

Most of you.

You'll admit, you feel as though their losses have been a long time coming. They've been the happy recipients of your strip poker plans for weeks now, and for most of this game they've been deftly sidestepping any consequences. About time they got to catching up!

Calliope reaches up Roxy's legs, delicately slipping her claws under the tops of the stockings so that she can pull them down and off. Her taloned toes wiggle as she does. "Such pretty legs!" she exclaims, and you certainly agree.

Then Roxy goes to unbutton and remove Calliope's suit jacket. To the untrained eye, the outfit Callie wore today would seem a little too formal for the occasion. You know better: by her standards, she's _under_ -dressed. She's not even wearing a bowtie! And the dark green shirt she's wearing underneath has its two uppermost buttons left undone. Scandalous!

Hmm. Now that you're looking in their direction, you've noticed something: is that a bowl of popcorn behind their beanbag...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This batch of dares is now set in stone. I've taken/adapted a fair few from suggestions, though some (including Jane's one here) are my own ideas.
> 
> They'll run out of dares at one point though, and at that point everyone'll write new ones. So if your suggestion doesn't show up or you didn't get the chance to write one, there'll be a second opportunity eventually!
> 
>  
> 
> [Choice #14: should we continue from Jane's perspective for a bit, or switch back to Dave?](http://www.strawpoll.me/14981473)
> 
>  
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > Shirt -> Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
> Shoes -> Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > Shoe liners -> Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	18. Hand 17

**== > Jane: Be your cherub girlfriend.**

You are now CALLIOPE, and goodness, this is exciting!

For most of the game, you've been watching with glee as the various colourful dynamics in this room play themselves out. Not to mention enjoying all the more you see of them! You do so love human and troll bodies, and you can't wait to see what everyone looks like underneath all that clothing. You and Roxy are of one mind on that. The two of you have enjoyed your roles as spectators, commenting on the show with each other and covertly eating popcorn when nobody's looking.

The dares have added a fascinating new element to the game, too. Your one will hopefully confirm or disprove a few headcanons you have, and Roxy's sounds like it will be tons of fun.

You're running the smooth underside of your claw along Roxy's thigh, which you've always loved doing, as you whisper a conversation with her: "What do you think dear Jane's dare was?"

Roxy's got an arm swung casually around your shoulders, leaning lazily against you. Your head rests against her bosom. "Well," she says, drawing out the word, long and lascivious. "She _did_ mention something about licking whipped cream off someone's bod a couple weeks back. It sounded hot. And tasty."

"Oh, splendid!" you exclaim. "That sounds delicious! And something I'm uniquely suited to...!" You flick out a few inches of your tongue in demonstration, and Roxy waggles her pristinely-shaped eyebrows.

"You should try that on Janey yourself someday," she says.

The thought is enticing. You see her over there, looking as pretty and plump as ever, and you entertain the thought of licking cream from her soft body. Her squishy belly, her pillowy breasts, her tender skin giving way to the pressure of your tongue's twin points. Such lovely sights and sensations. And if Jane herself suggested it for others to try, it's all the more likely that she'd enjoy trying it herself!

"I'll keep it in mind!" you say. "And you, dearest Roxy, are always welcome to watch."

She rubs your bare head with enthusiasm. "Atta girl!"

Oh, you love Roxy, you really do. And while you're still somewhat worried about how people will react to the loss of your own clothes, it's made so much better by the fact that Roxy in all her splendour will be on display right beside you.

**== > Calliope: Be your human girlfriend. The non-Roxy one.**

You're Jane again, looking at the hand Rose dealt you:

**You've got: 6(S), 6(D), Q(H), 8(S), 9(S)**

A pair to start off with. Fairly reassuring.

Dirk takes three new cards from your ecto-daughter, and then it's your turn:

"Three?" you ask Dave. It's not really necessary with such an obvious play, but you feel as though he could do with the comfort of communication.

He gives a shaky nod, making too-deliberate eye contact. "Three."

**You get: 9(C), A(H), 3(H)**

Doesn't change your hand in any significant way, though the ace is handy for your hand if it happens to reach the point of duelling pairs.

Jade and Karkat get three, but all the following pairs replace their whole hands, and none of them (barring Terezi's toothy grin) look particularly happy about it.

"Your cards," prompts Rose.

**Dirk and Jake have: Two pair (Ks and Qs)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (6s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (7s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (Js)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Ace high**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: King high**

Two Lalonde losses in a row! And a close call between the two family members, too. You hope this is a trend.

Rose peels off Kanaya's gray shoe liners, revealing long, slender feet. Her toenails are painted half-and-half diagonaly in green and black, matching her fingernails.

"Goodbye to my sturdy, serviceable kitten heels," Rose mourns, then adds: "That's all I have to say. I'd rather not step on the heels of my prior speech." She gives Kanaya a Look. Kanaya gives a fanged smirk in return, clearly admiring the sight of her wife in her camisole. It's clear that she doesn't regret a single thing.

Rose, well aware of where her wife's looking, gives her a flirtatious eyebrow-wiggle before passing the deck to her ecto-son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  Dress -> Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > Shirt -> Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	19. Hand 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, unexpected three day hiatus
> 
> let's get things back on track, and by that I mean "get back to bashing out a new chapter every eight picoseconds"

Dirk shuffles so quickly, you'd think a tornado was forming in his hands. You blink, and notice that the cards have all been dealt.

Moderately stunned, you pick up yours and Dave's:

**You've got: 7(S), 10(S), Q(H), 10(D), 8(D)**

"Basically your average hand," Dave comments. "Nothin' too good, nothin' too bad."

You're up first, and the number of cards to draw is obvious.

**You get: 3(H), 5(H), K(D)**

Nothing earth-shattering, but you're still comfortably set for this round.

The game continues around the circle. Three cards for both Karkat and John's pairs, with not much in the way of reaction from either. Roxy requests four... and lets out a comical, Darth Vader-esque "NOOOOOOOOOO".

Three for Kanaya, with no real change in her expression; two for Dirk, with again no noticeable difference - but from his eyes, you can tell he's pretty chuffed about his cards regardless.

Jake does finger guns. "Show your cards!"

**You and Dave have: Pair (10s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (2s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (As)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Ace high**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (6s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Three of a kind (7s)**

"Oh, how the mighty fall," Rose observes, sardonic.

You dread a repeat of the Darth Vader "NO", but Roxy, never one to dally when it comes to oncoming sexual shenanigans, has already got to unbuttoning Callie's shirt. Once the front is fully open, she pushes the shirt down her shoulders:

"Check this babe out," she says, and Callie blushes green.

Callie's mostly skeletal, with leathery green skin stretched over her bones; you know from watching her that Roxy quite enjoys tracing the outlines of those bones, feeling the texture of her skin as she goes. There's not much that the simple white singlet she's wearing has to hide, but you know from experience that she quite likes the process of undressing people, and likes allowing others to do the same. In fact, watching her and Roxy undress each other was part of what inspired this game.

"I think you'll find that you're quite the babe yourself, Roxy!" Callie announces both to her and to the room. She demonstrates: she puts her talons to Roxy's legs, gently tracing them before reaching the hem of her dress (white, with her pink cat symbol printed all over). She draws it up, slowly, gently, revealing dark blue panties frilled with black on her wide hips... further up past the curves of her waist... lifting it past her ample breasts, held in a matching strapless bra... and Roxy lifts her arms for the final stretch, her hair bouncing as it's freed of the dress.

And there she is. Quite a sight! A familiar one, but certainly not one you'll complain about seeing. You have some _very_ fond memories in which Roxy Lalonde's pristinely curved body takes pride of place.

Now no longer the only woman stripped to her underwear, you realize that you're not the only one who's now on the verge of a dare. Your mind drifts, imagining what you might be very close to seeing her do...

You hope she at least has the decency to beat you to it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	20. Hand 19

You recieve the deck from Dirk, and give it a good shuffling to kick off its fourth orbit around the room.

(You make sure not to refer to it as a "lucky shuffle" at any point. You know all too well that that only leads to disaster. _Declothed_ disaster.)

"Can I deal?" Dave asks.

"Oh! Yes, of course," you say. You pass it to him, your fingers brushing briefly as you do. You feel the touch lingering even once it's over.

He deals quickly and cleanly, and once he's done, you take a look at what he's given you:

**You've got: 10(C), 10(H), 10(S), 6(D), 8(D)**

Well, that's quite a way to start off! "I should let you deal more often," you whisper to him, and dear goodness, if that slight smile of his isn't just the _cutest_ thing...

Oh yes, the other players exist. You watch as Dave deals a single card to Jade and Karkat, to John and Terezi, and to Roxy and Calliope in turn. Ooh, here's his sister and her wife breaking the pattern on three cards - and looking quite pleased about what Dave gives them! His dadbro and his boyfriend continue that three-card mini-pattern... and now it's your turn.

Dave takes two more cards for you two:

**You get: 8(S), A(D)**

Marginally better than what you already had! On the off chance that everyone does phenomenally well this round and you happen to be in joint last place with three 10s... well, that ace will give you the edge in that extremely unlikely hypothetical situation!

Dave nods in approval. "Lay 'em down," he says to the circle.

**Jade and Karkat have: Two pair (6s, 9s)**

You wonder briefly if Karkat's sign attunes him somehow to getting that particular hand.

**John and Terezi have: Four of a kind (7s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Two pair (As, 2s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Two pair (As, Ks)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (7s)**  
**You and Dave have: Three of a kind (10s)**

"Well, lick my pickle and call me grandpa!" Jake exclaims; you see Jade shuddering on the next beanbag over. "I thought we had that one!"

"Nope," says Dirk. "Everyone else was just too damn good, I guess. C'mon..." He grips the tips of Jake's socks, and Jake does likewise with Dirk's. The two of them engage in a rare and highly dangerous simultaneous de-socking maneuver.

Dave passes the deck to Karkat for the next hand to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake exclamation courtesy of [this excellent generator](http://orteil.dashnet.org/callmeshirley).
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > Socks -> ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	21. Hand 20

Karkat's freshly-dealt cards splat down grumpily in front of each one of you, though as always he's more delicate when it comes to Dave. He gives Karkat a little nod each time a card touches down, and you could swear you just saw Karkat smile back.

A smile from Karkat. Rarer than a royal flush... except when Dave's around.

**You've got: 5(H), A(C), 6(C), 9(C), 6(H)**

A pair of 6s - lower than what Dirk and Jake lost with last round, but that one was _particularly_ unusual in how well the rest of you all played. In all likelihood, this pair will do you just fine.

Probably.

Terezi and Callie both replace their entire hands, which bodes well for yours considering your good deal first time. Both look mildly relieved at what they get back, but you're _probably_ still fine.

Three grumpy cards for Rose and Kanaya, and only a single card for Dirk and Jake. Dave flashes three fingers at Karkat while sliding your three non-paired cards over:

**You get: 2(C), K(S), J(S)**

No different from your original hand, in practice... though again, "probably" applies.

Karkat follows your lead, dealing three cards for himself and Jade; she holds them up for him to see, and his only response is a shrug.

"Show the fucking cards," he yells.

**John and Terezi have: Pair (Ks)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (8s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (As)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Two pair (Qs, 4s)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (6s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (10s)**

"Probably"!

_"Probably"!_

You make a mental note to make a bonfire sometime after this game, construct an effigy of that word, and _burn it at the stake!_

"Well, then!" you say, breaking the silence the room has fallen into. "I sure seem to be the one doing the first dare! Hoo hoo!"

Your CEO voice is nowhere to be found.

Oh, for fuck's sake, you need to get this over with! It's merely a matter of reaching over to the pile of dare-defaced business cards, still sitting by your side, fanning them out and then choosing one...

Dave catches sight of the dare you've just drawn, and his face turns as red as the pen he wrote it in.

this is a get out of jail free card to touch your partners butt right now. do it. touch the butt

You read it out to your eager audience, and Dave flushes all the further. You don't think he anticipated himself being the recipient of the butt-touch.

"So..." you begin, voice shaky. "Just... outside your boxers? Or..."

"Whatever," Dave mumbles. His entire face now resembles a ripe red apple, all ready for the juicing. You're surprised he's still capable of speech.

He adjusts himself on the beanbag to give you better access to the butt in question. You think you'll keep to the exterior of the boxers for now - you'll get better access to their contents later on.

They're not particularly form-fitting boxers, so you think you'll appreciate the knowledge gained through the hands-on experience...

You take a good handful, and goodness, that certainly quite a pleasing quantity of buttock! A _plush rump_ , you would venture to say. You rub along the boxers, getting a feel for it, then introduce your other hand to the mix. Can't just let one have all the fun!

You're getting quite absorbed in this... to the point where you're startled when Karkat launches into an indignant rant: "Do you have any plans on finishing groping my boyfriend, _Ms. Crocker?_ Or have you found your new calling in life? Is the rest of your immortal existence to be spent cupping Dave Strider's round, pleasant asscheeks? Do you intend to expand Crockercorp's assets with his own _assets?_ "

Jade's shooshing him down, but the point still stands. Yeah, you've probably done enough.

Dave lifts his head from where he'd firmly buried it into the beanbag. The rest of his body shifts upright, and you notice one part of his body that is undoubtedly _upright_ just before he crosses his legs over it.

Now more than ever, you're looking forward to seeing him without those boxers. For now, just his socks will have to do. You strip him of both as the deck gets passed to John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dave's dare was taken from [this suggestion](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147203265), though I changed it from boobs to butt (not everyone's got boobs and Dave's an ass man).
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Trousers -> Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	22. Hand 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this one's the longest chapter so far.

**== > Jane: While your ecto-son deals, be your ecto-daughter.**

You are now JADE HARLEY, and you've just been _not looking at_ your ectobiological mom feeling up your boyfriend, because it's really, really weird.

Karkat, on the other hand...

"It's a nice ass! This is objective fact: Dave has a nice ass. Anyone with any sense in their head or in their pants would be falling nook over think pan to get their hands on his ass."

"Karkat..."

"No, I understand! I really do. Getting your nook wet over Dave Strider is probably just something that runs in your family, right? Well, if she wants his ass, she can fucking have it! Not like it's mine, anyway. Strider's ass is shared property, and I guess a new owner just signed the fucking contract."

"Karkat!"

He goes quiet, looking sullen. You're pretty sure your greatest superpower is getting Karkat to shut the fuck up and listen. You've wondered - is that a Witch thing or a Space thing?

"Karkat, you're jealous, aren't you?"

He screws his eyes tightly shut as another card lands in front of him, and sighs. "Yeah."

"You don't get jealous when I claim ownership of Dave's ass." Which you do, very frequently, because Karkat's right: Dave has a nice ass.

"I got over that." He sighs. "I have to get over this too. We've always been clear on this! We all let each other do what we want. I've been letting you do what you want! Why can't I let _Dave_ do what he wants?"

He's whispering, but even then he's getting a little too loud. Loud enough that Dave hears. He has a brief inaudible conversation with Jane next to him, then gets up and sits down beside the two of you.

"Oh, look who it is," says Karkat. "Asshole Rumpus himself." You notice him glance down at Dave's obvious boner, which he isn't bothering to hide around you guys. You've seen it all before..

Dave's red eyes look into Karkat's gray-red. "Jane says if you ain't comfortable with this, you can leave."

"She-- what?"

"She ain't an asshole, you know. We can leave any time we want. It ain't like Jane's got us trapped in her weird sex house and is forcing us to perform lewd acts on each other under duress."

"That phrasing isn't helping, Dave."

"Just sayin'. It's all just fun. If it ain't fun, we don't have to play. If you wanna leave, I'll leave with you."

Karkat's eyebrows furrow up as he thinks. "No," he eventually says.

"Sure?"

"I want to stay. There... there are things I want to do here too."

"Fair enough. Offer's still open. Any time you wanna bail, just say." He hops up and walks (awkwardly, so that his legs hide the big tent pitched in his boxers) back over to Jane.

You're glad he wants to stay. Part of it's for his sake (you want him to enjoy himself!), part of it's for your own, because if they walked out you'd probably be expected to walk out with them - which you don't want to do.

As he said, Karkat _has_ been letting you do what you want, and lately, you've been wanting... girls. Human girls. Troll girls. Mostly troll girls, because with them you can be sure you won't look into their eyes, wonder where you recognise them from, and realize the answer is "looking in the mirror". Trolls have a precisely 0% chance of being even slightly descended from you, and as such are ALWAYS the safer option.

You won't deny, boys are hot too! But Karkat and Dave are enough boys for a lifetime, which in your case is eternity. So occasionally, you find yourself some girls to look at and have fun with instead.

This is one of those occasions.

There are only five boys in the room, anyway. You're dating two of them, you're related to another two, and you're pretty sure the other one only likes other boys? But the _girls!_ Roxy's over there in that sexy bra, and Rose on the next beanbag (you LOVE the beanbags) is wearing that lovely floaty underwear top thing! Kinda like the one you're wearing, actually... but yours is cute, while Rose's is definitely sexy.

You wonder what the people in the room will think of what you've got under this dress. You're not uncomfortable about it, not like you used to be. The opposite, in fact - you kinda want to lose some more hands so you can show off! In the meantime, though, you can always wonder.

Karkat interrupts your perspective-switched reverie, showing you the cards your ecto-brother just dealt, and... oh wow. These really are some shitty cards.

**== > Jane: Hurry up and stop being Jade, you've got a hand to play!**

You snap out of Jade's perspective before she can drop any more tantalizing hints on the content of her hand, and focus on your own instead.

**You've got: 2(C), 3(C), K(H), Q(H), 7(S)**

Oh, wow. These really are some shitty cards.

Dave leans over to discuss battle strategy, but before he can - a strangled scream from across the room! Roxy has replaced all five of her cards, and is staring at them in abject horror.

"Calm your tits," says Terezi, whose nose is noticeably pointing in her tits' direction.

Rose and Kanaya draw three, while Dirk and Jake replace their entire hand (but look happy about what they get - Jake does, at least). Now it's come round to you.

Dave makes no bones about it: "All of this is a steaming pile of shit."

You nod in sagacious agreement. Dave dumps the steaming pile on John, who gives you five replacements:

**You get: K(S), K(H), 5(H), 10(H), 3(H)**

Thank goodness. You're very thankful for that replacement King of Hearts replacing the one you thoughtlessly discarded. Just think... if you'd kept the original one too, you could be sitting on three of a kind now! You'll ~~probably~~ _most likely_ be fine regardless, though. 

(You dismiss that this is the exact same line of thinking that led to you groping Dave last hand.)

Jade and Karkat replace four, as do John and Terezi... winces all round from the final two pairs. Except for Karkat, who simply glares at his despised new cards in resigned acceptance.

"Let me smell them," Terezi says, a little lackluster.

**Roxy and Calliope have: 10 high**

You hear loud sighs of relief from Karkat and Terezi alike.

**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Qs)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (As)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (Ks)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Ace high**  
**John and Terezi have: Ace high**

Roxy picks her hand up again simply so she can dramatically toss it on the floor in disgust.

"Gimme a dare, Janey," she says.

You fan out the cards for her, and the one she picks out is:

"Let your partner cover your skin in blue body paint all around the area of the garment youre due to take off! Ugh, Jake, what the _fuck?_ And where am I gonna get blue body paint?"

Jake, whose eyebrows have shot to the ceiling, pops a tub of blue body paint out of his sylladex. (You wonder... does he always have that on him? And is that a missed patch of blue you see behind Dirk's ear?)

"Thank you, Jake!" Callie exclaims, dashing over and taking the tub. She unscrews the lid and approaches Roxy...

**== > Jane: Experience sudden dare-induced perspective switch!**

You are now CALLIOPE, and this dare is perfect for you! You've applied body paint to yourself many a time, and even to Roxy before when making trollsonas for fun... but you've never done so this intimately.

You scoop up some body paint in your claw; it's a vivid blue, lighter than that of Roxy's bra. You kneel down beside her, put your hand to her chest, and deftly stroke the edge of the claw along.

You want to be thorough with this, so you begin by dragging a blue line all the way around Roxy's chest, merely an inch above the bra and its fastening around the back. You move around her: over the curves of her breasts, down the dip between them, under her arms, across her shoulder blades and spine. Occasionally you dip your claw back into the tub for more paint, then you return to the loving process of stroking in the blue, right up to the edge of the bra.

Roxy shivers at the contact. You keep your hands steady throughout.

Now... beneath the cups? That area of the skin is currently concealed, but you want to be thorough! And so you pry away the fabric enclosing Roxy's breasts, just enough so that you can paint strokes down along their swell. Along the top... underneath... you repeat the motions until, with the pad of your thumb, you rub in delicate circles around Roxy's nipple. Right to its tip. Now the smooth valley between the breasts, and the same process on the other: circling from the top to the bottom, around and around, and finishing with a swirl on the hardened areola right to the bud of her nipple.

Yes, you think that's enough.

Roxy's newly blue chest heaves slowly in and out. You draw away to see her looking up at you, her eyes lidded, her breathing heavy, her lips just slightly parted. You love seeing her like this. You can't resist it: you purse your thin lips and lean in to kiss her full ones. She savors it, bringing a hand to your chin, and after a few seconds she breaks it. She looks into your eyes and smiles softly.

Jake is catatonic.

You bounce back to him. "Thank you for that wonderful dare, Jake!" you say, placing the tub of body paint at his side.

**== > Calliope: Return to being Jane.**

That was utterly hypnotic.

People around the room are still staring. Dave's been looking away, but on one side of you Jade has been enthralled, and on the other... well, if Jake were currently in possession of a mustache, he'd be in serious danger of starting a mustache fire.

"Damn, Callie," Roxy finally says. "And I still gotta take off your pants!"

"Oh!" says Callie. "Right." And she lets Roxy take hold of the elastic waistband of her trousers, pulling them down to reveal plain white briefs at the top of her bony legs.

**== > Jane: Be Jake.**

You would, but Jake still hasn't recovered from what he just saw.

Jesus jumping Jehosaphat...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake's dare was my own idea. Lined up very nicely with this particular pair. I was thinking it'd work well with John and Terezi, too. Just imagine all that blueberry!
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > Dare -> Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	23. Hand 22

Still lost in the haze of strangely erotic body painting, it takes a moment or two for Roxy to notice the cards passed to her, realize she should be dealing, and deal.

Your five new cards land in front of you, one-by-one:

**You've got: 2(D), K(S), 10(H), 4(D), 6(C)**

And they're utter crap.

Rose and Kanaya take three, while Dirk and Jake take five. You follow the latter's lead, because there's really nothing else you can do with these shitty cards, and:

**You get: A(H), 2(C), J(D), J(H), Q(H)**

Jade and Karkat also throw away all five of their cards, because apparently Roxy's still too dazed to deal decent cards. John and Terezi only need three, though... and then Roxy needs five more for herself and Callie. "For fuck's saaaaake," she groans as she looks at the new ones. "Show 'em, I guess."

**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Qs)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Qs)**  
**You and Dave have: Pair (Js)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (8s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (8s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: King high**

Roxy sighs.

"I'll do my dare," says Callie.

Your human girlfriend seems too fed up to argue.

You offer Callie the ten remaining cards; she picks one, reads it, and... "Um. This is my own dare," she says, tapping it nervously with her claw.

"I don't see anything wrong with that," you say. "Read it out for us, please?"

She shifts uncomfortably on the beanbag. "Alright... tell everyone in the room all aboUt yoUr biggest tUrn-ons! ^u^" 

Oh no. From conversations you've had with Callie in the past, you know this won't be easy for her to answer.

**== > Jane: Be Roxy.**

Awwww fuck. This is kind of a sensitive topic for Callie.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to!" Jane yells across the room, sounding kinda worried.

"No, it's alright," says Callie, drawing her clawed feet closer together. "I, er. I don't think I really can be 'turned on' like you can? At least, not with those who aren't of my own kind! It's, um, something of a different situation for cherubs like me...!"

You imagine Callie as a _fuckhuge snake_. :O

"Cherubs like me don't really interact with other species! I think I'm the only one who ever has," she continues. "But I love how humans and trolls form relationships, in all sorts of colourful ways! And, uh, the things they do in those relationships interest me too. There's so much, and it's fascinating, and I like to take part in it! It's not... _natural_ for me, I suppose, but I love it! And I came to love it through watching and being with all of you." As soon as she's finished speaking, she's fixed her eyes on the floor, avoiding all eye contact.

"That's interesting," Dirk says. "There are humans like that too, you know. They aren't sexually attracted to people, but that doesn't mean some aren't still interested in sex in general. Some enjoy it, just in ways that don't involve sexual attraction."

Damn, Dirk comin' in with the sex facts! He may be shameless but Callie's not, and she's just started staring at the floor twice as hard. You're looking at her face, though, and you _know_ that's got her interested - that her not being into people in that way's something that some humans share.

You'll have to get her to talk to him about that sometime. Sometime when you don't have an audience.

Alright. Your turn. Time to show your blue tits.

You hold up your arms to help your cherub gf. Callie's claws undo your bra clasp at the back, and gradually she draws the sides around, until the cups of the bra are merely resting on top of your boobs.

With a magical flourish, Callie pulls the bra away. Now your boobs are out in the open, as is all the body paint that didn't get rubbed off by the bra. You could hide them, hug your arms round 'em, but... you don't wanna get your arms blue too. So, fuck it. Public display of boob it is.

Seems like a lot of people appreciating them, round the room. Jake, of course; they're blue. And Jane, who's seen it all before, good to see she still likes what she sees. There's Jade, yesss! Girl's got good taste in tits. And John! Shit, are yours the first boobs he's seen IRL? Could be! God damn he's lucky they're your bangin' breasts.

Maybe this loss ain't so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calliope's dare was taken from [this suggestion](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147565890). Didn't anticipate it landing on her, but took the chance to elaborate on how I've been writing her.
> 
> This will be the last chapter for today. After that unexpected three-day hiatus... five chapters and three dares in one day make up for it, don't you think?
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	24. Hand 23

**== > Roxy: Be the CEO. Ogle the boobs.**

You didn't specify _which_ CEO! 

However, the SkaiaNet CEO is still far too busy being comatose in response to the sudden appearance of blue boobs in the room. You'll have to be the CrockerCorp CEO instead.

Ogle the boobs, huh? Yes, you can certainly do that. You were already well and truly in the process of doing that, as it happens, but you'll happily do it some more.

Curve's the word when it comes to Roxy Lalonde. Ample-breasted, slim-waisted and wide-hipped. You have the urge to run your hand along the side of her body, feel how it rises and falls... but you'll refrain. For now. You know she'll be all too happy to oblige some other time.

Her boobs aren't usually _blue,_ though. You're not sure whether that's an improvement or what, but it certainly is the current state of her boobs. Quite thoroughly painted, too, even with some having come off on the underside of her bra. Callie did a good job.

Kanaya has meticulously dealt you five cards: 

**You've got: Q(S), 6(C), A(D), 2(D), 8(C)**

Well... the outlook isn't great. Not a total wash, though. At least you can keep the ace as insurance.

It's a total wash for Dirk and Jake, who turn in all five (but do seem happy with the return). Your turn to turn in four:

**You get: 6(H), 5(C), 8(D), J(H)**

Ouch. Good thing you had your insurance.

Karkat turns in three, and Jade's ears prick up at what comes back. Four for Terezi and your ecto-son, and four for your girlfriends too... same move as you, perhaps? 

Finally, Kanaya sorts out three new cards for herself and her wife, seeming altogether nonplussed by them. "Display your hands," she enunciates.

**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (10s)**  
**You and Dave have: Ace high with Jack kicker**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Three of a kind (7s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Ace high with Queen kicker**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Ace high with King kicker**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (9s)**

Fat lot of good your insurance did you there!

"Oh man," says Dave, and you realize he's about to do his first dare. More than that - you're about to join Roxy in the braless brigade!

In a magnanimous act of kindness, you decide you'll be the one to take the fall first. You present your back to Dave so he can undo the clasp, and you feel his trembling hands fumbling to get it undone. One hook... two hooks... all three!

He clumsily brushes the straps off your shoulders, then wrangles it off your arms. You turn around to face him and... oh. He's, yeah. He's staring.

"Do you want to do a dare?" you prompt him.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Sure. Just gotta do a dare, and I get to keep my boxers on. I got this shit covered."

You fan out the nine remaining dare cards for him, and he picks one:

"Oh fuck, I recognize this handwriting. L1CK YOUR P4RTN3R 1N THR33 PL4C3S CHOS3N BY TH3 W1NN1NG T34M. How was the impression? Could I have done with a little more 'deranged psycho'? Or should I dial down the 'murdersniff rocketpack'? How many Golden Shame Globes do I win for that performance?"

"None of them!" Terezi grins widely, crosses her legs (almost budging the hapless Egbert off the beanbag), rests her bony elbows on her skinny legs and leans forward intently.

You notice people looking closer at the hands played... and then looking up at Jade and Karkat.

" _I'm_ not choosing!" Jade protests. "She's technically my mom!"

Karkat's gray skin is turning a fluorescent shade of beet.

"You got this, Karkat." Dave gives him a shaky thumbs up.

"Uh..." Even Karkat's nervous fillers are loud. Louder than usual, in fact; this "uh" sounds as if he swallowed a foghorn. He finally manages to get a word out. "Neck." His heavy breathing is painfully audible. "Chest. Thigh?"

"Sure," says Dave, clearly far from entirely confident himself.

He leans over to your neck, tongue stuck out, and you feel it make contact, warm and wet, on the soft skin near your collarbone. He drags it up in a diagonal, slow but shaky, until he's reached where your jawline meets your ear. You feel your pulse rate heightening.

He breaks the contact there, and moves further down. How's he going to - oh, he's going in between them. From below the breastbone, he moves up along it, and you feel his cheeks brush along either side (they're... big, and rather hard to avoid).

You wonder how Karkat's doing, seeing his boyfriend licking--

Oh. Dave's just cupped a fistful of boob. To steady himself? Or... not? Either way, Karkat's jaw sure has dropped to the floor. No sign of picking it up again any time soon, either.

Dave's back up to the collarbone again, so he pulls away and moves down for the last lick. Hands grip your thighs, and...

Warm and wet, one more time, this time on your inner thigh. Just above your knee. He brings it up... up... up... and not only can you can hear his heavy breathing, you can _feel_ it through your panties as he approaches. 

Speaking of which, your panties certainly aren't dry any more.

He's nearly reached the edge of them... and then he pulls away and sits up, his breathing quite apparent in the movement of his bare chest.

You look to your left to see Jade pointedly not looking... and Karkat doing the opposite. Is that the tip of _something_ in his pants? Is it... _moving?_ Goodness...! Whatever it is, you don't think he regrets staying!

 _Then_ you notice that Dirk's already dealt the next hand. And none of you noticed. That confounded Texan ninja!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were three [Terezi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147177912) [dare](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147202119) [suggestions](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147565890), and all of them were licky. This is mainly taken from the third, though with a bit of modification based on one of Strip Pokerstuck: Double Down's dares - just made it a little more flexible.
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Pantyhose -> Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  Jacket -> Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	25. Hand 24

People are flicking glances in your direction. There's a question hanging in the air: _did that just happen?_ You're not quite sure of the answer yourself, but the wetness still remaining on your skin is certainly an indicator.

"Cards," says Dave.

"Right. Yes. Sorry."

**You've got: 6(H), J(D), 8(S), 2(H), 2(D)**

Hm. The lowest possible pair. That could have you in trouble if everyone else does well.

Fortunately, you have the chance to improve on it... and with yourself and Dave clockwise from this hand's dealer, you're getting that chance right now!

Three cards from Dirk, all making their way to you in an instant.

**You get: 6(S), 2(S), 3(H)**

Three times two! Now that's more like it!

Jade and Karkat draw two, and Jade looks reasonably confident about it. Four for John and Terezi, and relief on your ecto-son's face. Only two make their flashstepped way to Roxy and Calliope - lots of confidence going round right now! Rose and Kanaya take three, presumably as standard pair protocol, and Dirk switches out his entire hand in an instant.

"Bring them out!" Jake exclaims with gusto.

**You and Dave have: Three of a kind (2s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Three of a kind (7s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (Ks)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Three of a kind (3s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (4s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Js)**

"I had hoped the game had forgotten about us in its hurry to disrobe my dear mother," Rose laments, though she doesn't sound particularly unhappy about it. Almost the opposite. She moves Kanaya's black lacy shrug off her shoulders, showing off more of her wife's sleeveless green dress.

Kanaya reaches up her skirt - from this distance, you can't tell where her hands might have lingered - and pulls down Rose's black pantyhose. "Such a shame," she says, while looking lovingly at Rose's long legs. (You don't blame her. They're not bad.)

The deck is passed to you. Time for your team to deal, for the fifth hand this game!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	26. Hand 25 (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. _Part 1._

Dave's the one of you who takes the deck, and you watch as he shakily shuffles. Then he deals them out, one by one, providing your team with:

**You've got: 5(H), 3(H), 2(D), 10(H), 4(C)**

Good grief. Not even a single decent high card in sight...

... though, now you're past the initial disgust and looking more closely at it, you do see one redeeming factor. That 2, 3, 4, 5... if you land an Ace or a Six, you've got a straight.

You don't think there's been a single straight played in the game so far. Between the increasing amount of nudity in the room and the high number of non-heterosexual people in the room, you suppose it's been difficult for most of you to think straight.

You mull over your options as Dave deals with the other players. Three for Karkat and then for Terezi; looks like the pair tree's been at it again. Four for Roxy and Calliope, and a theatrical sigh of relief from the former. Two for the married couple, and an entire hand replacement for Dirk and Jake (who seem to take it well).

Your turn. "Should we risk it?" you ask Dave.

"Risk what?"

You point out the consecutive cards.

"Oh damn, yeah, could get a straight." He considers it. "I dunno. We're safe if we get it, but it's risky as fuck. We ain't got much left." He nods at your boobs, and you notice him slip into ogling more than just a little.

"Our alternative is to replace them all and hope for something decent," you say. "But that leaves us at risk of nothing decent, and having to cope with a high card situation. Which may not do us well in the game's current climate!" You look around the room, trying to remember who got what. "Dirk and Jake were the only ones to replace their full five, weren't they? But Jake at the very least seems alright with what they got, so I'd imagine it's at least a pair! And Roxy and Callie - with four cards, you'd assume she has a card that merits keeping, and that's almost certainly an ace! Even if we do luck out on an ace ourselves, it would be a very close call!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Alright, we don't have to do a full business seminar on this. Let's just go for the straight." He returns the non-straight 10 to the deck, puts his finger to the top card, then adds: "I better look away from shirtless Jake over there, though. Can't do anything straight with him around."

People are looking at you two in impatience, so Dave gets to dealing your one new card:

**You get: 8(H)**

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

"Fuck," Dave says.

"Fuck," you agree.

"Lay down the fuckin' cards," Dave announces.

**Jade and Karkat have: Three of a kind (2s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Three of a kind (7s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (Ks)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Three of a kind (3s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (4s)**

And here come your fifteen minutes of shame.

 **You and Dave have: 8 high**

Roxy winces. Terezi does her now-standard point-and-laugh. Dirk simply says "nice".

"Well! Looks like both of us get dares!" you say, trying not to sound like a strangled seagull.

"Yeah," he says, sounding like one as much as you do.

You fumble to pick up the dare pile and pick one for yourself: "Leave A Hickey On Your Partners Body In A Place Where It Will Be Visible And Not Easily Obscured By Clothing." Sounds simple enough. You could probably manage this. You've never given a hickey before, but Roxy has a few times (which led to strategic positioning of scarves for the days after), and you can just do what she did, right? It can't be that difficult, can it?

Dave fishes one from the pile as well: "On your next dare (or now, if this is your final dare), draw two dare cards and attempt both simultaneously." He looks at Dirk in dawning horror.

"Have fun," is all Dirk says. Jake's simply grinning at his side.

So. One dare for you, and one featuring two other dares for Dave. "So, um," you begin.

"Fuck it, I'm going for those other two cards now," Dave says, scrambling for the dare pile again. "Can't handle the suspense."

He grabs two of them out, nearly dropping one. "Okay... oh god... make out with someone on the team on your left for 30 seconds. there must be tongue." He slips out of his nasally John voice. "So, that and... _oh god._ Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck." 

You peer at it in his hands, feel yourself blanch a bit, and read it out yourself. No need to do an impression of Jade's voice; your voices are similar enough regardless. " theres a really lovely river outside, why not go skinny dipping?? if you can swim 20 meters on your first go you get to put your underwear back on afterwards... if you can swim 50 meters you get to dry off before you do!" 

"How the _fuck_ am I gonna make out with someone while swimming?" Dave gasps, sounding like a strangled seagull with a punctured lung.

"Uh," says Jade, looking a little distressed (and also having realized she's on the team to Dave's left). "You can just... stand in the river and make out before you swim? It's not too deep!"

"I ain't making out with you after you gave me that dare!"

Both of them on the beanbag protest at once: " _I_ didn't give you UP TO MY BULGE IN WATER?? you chose it for yourself!!!! NO FUCKING THANK YOU!"

"It's deeper than bulge height, Karkat," Jade clarifies.

"Oh, thank you, that makes it infinitely fucking better!" he grouches in response.

Dave makes up his mind: "Guess I will take Jade, then."

That calms them both down pretty quickly. Jade seems pretty happy about it, whereas Karkat's merely relieved.

Your partner moves to get up, but you tug his arm back down: "Hickey first, remember?"

"Oh. Right. Sure." He sits back down beside you and leans his neck to the side, to let you get to work.

You move in, clasping his shoulders on both sides, and... how did Roxy do this again? Just sucked hard on a specific spot? Right.

You go for a spot that's high up, just under his jawline (that should be hard to conceal, as per Kanaya's request) and give it a small, tender kiss before sucking in. You suck at the tiny patch of skin beneath your mouth, touching it with your tongue, and... how long does this even take??

You break away for a little bit to kiss around the area, then return to it and... _now_ you seem to be making headway. The skin's certainly reddening there. Just a little more, and that should be good enough.

There. A bonafide hickey left on Dave Strider's neck. You've never done this before, and you're not really aware by any metric for judging hickey quality, but you think you did a fairly good job.

"Welp. Now I'm CrockerCorp property forever," says Dave. "You shoulda done it in the shape of a spoon. Red spoon! Fits the branding."

"It's not forever," you laugh. "It'll fade in a few days' time."

"So I'm just temporarily leased to CrockerCorp," he says. "Cool." Then, quieter: "You _know_ this?"

You do, but you'd rather not tell him who you know it from. Now is an inauspicious time for a "your mom" joke, not that those fit your style of humor in the first place.

You "hoo hoo" quietly instead. "Now, go jump in a river!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things really aren't going well for our player characters, are they...?
> 
> Four dares cards in one chapter! Kanaya's was from [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147201663) and [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147565890); Dirk's was also from that second link; John's dare was based on [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147203265) and Jades was my own idea. (I was half-afraid and half-hoping Jade's river dare would end up combined with someone else's via Dirk's, and John is a lonely boy who wants to make out with someone dammit.)
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Dave**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	27. Hand 25 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we got a new longest chapter here, folks

The cottage you're staying in is a fine example of Carapacian architecture, constructed from smooth-walled cans standing eight feet tall.

A boxers-clad Strider is emerging from it, accompanied by his boyfriend, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's brother, and his girlfriend's brother's hatedatemate. They're joining you by the river that flows outside your cottage, which is crystal clear and looks shallow enough for a person to stand in with their head above water... but is quite a bit faster than you remember it being.

You look up to the cottage window to see some of the other players gawping down at what's going on... which, currently, is Jade shamelessly getting undressed, right out in the open.

It's a fairly warm day for the time of year, and the sun's only now going down. It's quite a nice sunset, in fact. This dare might not be that bad for them after all.

**== >Jane: Be the dare-doer.**

You are now DAVE STRIDER and god damn, look at Jade just stripping like that! Pulled that dress off like was nothing, and her little strappy top thing and underpants too, all stashed away in your sylladex. Now she's stepping into the water, giving you a _nice_ view of that toned ass as she goes.

_Damn._

Sitting on the edge with her legs dangling in the water, she turns back to look at you: "It's not even that cold! Come on in!"

And shit, when it's a naked Jade sayin' that, you ain't gonna argue.

You come up to her side, dip a toe into the flowing water, and... yeah, the temperature ain't bad. Little cool, but you can deal. Flowing kinda quickly though, which shouldn't be a problem as long as you're standing on the riverbed. You whip your boxers off as quickly as you can, then jump in to ensure the people behind you ain't seeing shit before they're meant to.

She slides in beside you and turns to you, smiling that goddamn bucktoothed grin that kills you every damn time.

"Shall we do this?" she says.

John sighs. You get the impression that he did not intend for his dare to end up involving his sister. "Thirty seconds, guys. Anyone got a timer or a watch or anything?" He folds his arms over his bare chest.

"Anyone _got_ a timer? Dude, I _am_ a timer." But then you might let this makeout session go a little beyond thirty seconds anyway. With Jade here and as eager as she is, you're not sure you can resist.

"Fine, get on with it," John says.

And just like that, Jade's gone in for the smooch. Her mouth's fully on yours, her head tipped to one side so her cute nose doesn't bump into yours. She knows what you like and you know what she likes, and she likes nipping at your lip just a lil with those canine teeth, and fuck, you fucking love that. 

Around the ten second mark, you part your lips for that "there must be tongue" part of the dare. Jade takes the invitation and slides her tongue in slowly, unable to resist lapping about a bit.

Twenty second mark. She's got one hand round your waist but the other is underwater and god damn, she's gone for your dick. Can they see that?? You've got your eyes closed, you don't wanna open them, but god, you hope they can't see that. Would Jade do that if she knew they could see it? Would she care??

These thoughts get hard to think when her fingertips start moving on there.

Thirty second mark. How long can you stretch this before people start getting suspicious? God, fuck, she's got a finger and a thumb clasped round and she's stroking, up and down, that's gotta be visible. In the feeling of it, though, you're not sure if you even care. Her tongue's still in your mouth and her hand's gripping your waist and even in the cool water you feel very, very hot.

She breaks away. Lets go of your waist. Lets go of your dick, for fuck's sake. "I think that was more than thirty seconds, Dave," she says.

It was forty-two, and dammit if you don't have the answer to life, the universe and everything standing right in front of you.

She hops up out of the river, pulls a towel out of her sylladex, and wraps it around her. Then high-fives Terezi. (What the hell's going on there? Definitely something that's made John uncomfortable.)

"Okay!" she shouts, heading back to the riverbank and picking up your boxers from there. She runs along the bank and drops them 20 meters away (her measurement of space is as accurate as yours of time). And oh... she's dropped them _up_ stream. Thanks, Jade.

A further 30 meters and she drops a towel. "If you get here, you get to dry yourself off before putting them back on!" She runs back to the boxers: "But if you only reach here, you have to put them back on when you're all wet!"

Of course. After that transcendental makeout session she's gotta remind you of how shitty her dare is.

"What if I don't get to the boxers?" you ask.

"Then you don't get to put them back on, and you're out," Jane says.

God fucking dammit.

You're gonna have to figure out some way to do this. Not just to swim, but to swim in a way that incorporates elements of random chance and can be recorded in fanfic form. Some way that involves dice rolls, maybe.

Dice rolls... and the Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition Player's Handbook.

**== > Dave: Become a D&D character.**

**DAVE STRIDER**  
Level 6 Fighter

 **STR:** 13 (+1)  
**DEX:** 18 (+4)  
**CON** 15 (+2)  
**INT:** 13 (+1)  
**WIS:** 12 (+1)  
**CHA:** 13 (+1)

You're going to need to roll an Athletics check for each 10 meters of this river, with nothing but your +1 Strength modifier to help you. Not even swim shorts.

You really wish you were proficient in Athletics (or that these were Dexterity rolls instead). Your bro made sure you had proficiency in Stealth and Acrobatics (all the better for pirouettes off the handle), but he never really focused on Athletics all that much. Which is going to make this all the harder.

**== > Dave: Roll to seduce the river with your impressive +1 to Charisma.**

You're naked, you're inside it, and it's gushing wet. There's not really any more seduction to be done here.

You roll to seduce it anyway.

**Rolling 1d20: 5**  
**+1 CHA = 6**

The river is not impressed.

**== > Dave: Start swimming. Roll an Athletics check.**

You're starting from a standstill, so it's probably gonna be a little hard to get going - especially with the current against you. You could probably manage it, though.

**Rolling 1d20: 1**  
**Critical Fail!**

You try to leap forward to swim through the water... just as a floating branch is coming through. It knocks right into your face, disorientating you; in the confusion, you're swept back five meters.

You cough and splutter as you get to your feet in the water again, clutching the riverbank for support. "That didn't count!" you yell at Jade, who's run over to you in a fit of giggles.

"I'll let you try again," she concedes. "The branch wasn't your fault! But you still have to swim all the way up there." She points to the towel, now 55 meters away.

Goddamn GM-slash-girlfriend.

**== > Dave: Start swimming... again. Roll an Athletics check.**

**Rolling 1d20: 9**  
**+1 STR = 10**

You _just_ manage it, doing an uncertain but sufficient breaststroke for the five meters you were swept back, plus five meters more.

You've got momentum now. The next roll should be easier.

**Rolling 1d20: 1**  
**Critical Fail!**

Somewhere in the next stretch of river, you get swept up in an unexpected swell; caught off-guard and unable to power on through, you're washed back in a big splashing mess to the point where you began.

"It was just a bad start," you try to convince Jade as she bounds on over. "C'mon, one more try?"

**== > Dave: Roll a Persuasion check. With advantage, because you're naked and she's Jade.**

**~~Rolling 1d20: 10~~**  
**Rolling 1d20: 15**  
**+1 CHA = 16**

Her ears twitch and your heart fuckin' melts. "Okay, Dave. But just one more!"

Terezi objects: "This is blatant favoritism!"

"My dare, my rules," counters Jade.

Terezi mutters something that you don't really catch. Something about lousy dog girls and their lousy double standards.

**== > Dave: Start swimming, one more time. Roll an Athletics check.**

**Rolling 1d20: 14**  
**+1 STR = 15**

Way stronger start this time (hey, maybe what you were saying to Jade wasn't entirely bullshit). You pull yourself forward through the water, and bam, the ten meter mark. Further than you've ever got before.

For the next ten meters, you're gonna use the point of Inspiration you earned after resolving a pretty bad argument between Jade and Karkat a few months back. That had better get you to 20 meters. If you still somehow manage to fail this fuckin' DC8 roll, or get _another goddamn crit fail,_ you're gonna... do something. Probably just be naked and be pissed off about it.

**== > Dave: Keep on swimming. Roll an Athletics check, with your point of Inspiration giving you advantage on the roll.**

**~~Rolling 1d20: 1~~**  
**Rolling 1d20: 5**  
**+1 STR = 6**

You make a damn good effort. You're powering through those waves with all the might you can muster. But before you can make it to the twenty meter mark (and to your beloved boxers), an undercurrent makes you lose your balance in the water. You're thrown off, tugged underwater, and you end up flailing about and achieving a whole bunch of nothing.

When you surface, Jade's rushed to the riverside and is holding out a hand to help you up. "It's okay, Dave," she reassures you.

You always were a shitty swimmer.

You climb up, and oh fuck since when was not being in the water so cold. John notices you shiver a little, and wafts a warm breeze over (while not looking in the direction of your dick, which oh yeah, is out on display now). It's like some kinda ambient hairdryer. The air around you feels nice and toasty, and the water clinging to you... stops clinging. "Thanks, bro," you say, and he gives you a thumbs up while still not looking at your dick.

Terezi's not looking at your dick either, for obvious reasons, but you can fuckin' tell she's sniffing in that direction.

"Sorry, Dave," says Jane. "Looks like you're out."

First one out. Fuck, why's Sod's Law gotta betray ya like this? It was meant to be the one who organized it going out first, not her hapless teammate.

You guess it just goes to show. Everything that can go wrong _will_ go wrong in all the worst ways... even/especially Sod's Law itself.

Your train of thought gets interrupted by Terezi throwing John's shoe in the river.

"Hey!" he cries out.

"I was going to throw it at Dave when he was swimming," she says. "But he didn't get far enough. So I thought, why let the shoe go to waste?"

(She high-fives Jade again. Seriously what the fuck.)

"It's going to waste _now!_ " John gesticulates wildly at the slowly sinking shoe, then remembers he has wind powers and lifts it outta there with 'em.

Then sends it thudding into Terezi's arm.

She cries out a little, then laughs. "Turnabout's fair play, Egbert."

Is that how the phrase goes? Nah. You're sure it was something to do with turntables.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it just ain't Strip Pokerstuck unless there's a dice-based RPG system involved.
> 
> All the dice rolls were done with random.org's random number generator. Would've done it with an actual D20, but my dice set's gone missing. Maybe real dice would've been kinder to Dave.
> 
> With our POV team in such hot water (river water in Dave's case), best to ask:
> 
> [Choice #15: If Jane gets eliminated while the game's still in full swing, should we switch POV to another pair? Which one?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15031841) (multiple choice in case you like more than one option)
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  ** ~~Dave~~**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Boxers~~
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Singlet  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	28. Hand 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "which POV should we switch to when/if Jane loses" poll last round seems to have settled out on Roxy/Calliope in the lead, with Jade/Karkat one vote behind... and all the other options not far behind either. (Barring Dave and Jane just observing, which has practically nothing.)
> 
> So here's an alternative. [Choice #16: should we just switch POV to whoever the dealer is on a specific round?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15042406) That covers every pair still in the game.

**== > Dave: Be back in the room. Also, be Jane again.**

You're now back inside, sitting on your trusty beanbag with your arms hiding your chest. You're the only member of your pair still in the game. Dave's next to you, now stark naked, his legs crossed to give a little modesty to what's in between them.

"Hey, is it cool if I go sit with the others?" he asks you, jerking his head towards his boyfriend and girlfriend. (Jade's all dressed again after her quick dip in the river. To the extent she was dressed before that, that is, though that extent was almost fully-dressed regardless.)

You're conflicted. On one hand, you're fond of the sensation of a warm, naked body beside you. It's not quite full contact at this point, but the side of his thigh is touching yours, and it's a comforting presence. Knowing your luck, it won't be long until you're out too, at which point he'll be removing your panties and you'll be free to do whatever you like... but until then, you don't want to play this on your own.

But on the other hand, the three of them really do make for a nice relationship. You haven't quite seen how true that is until today. They're three distinctive individuals, but they all seem to balance each other out. They synchronize.

You don't want to be the spanner in the works any longer.

"Of course!" you say, a little too brightly to sound genuine.

He picks up on that. "I can stay here if you want, you know. Pretty comfy where I am. And with you."

"Just go." Too harsh this time. You soften it up a little: "But don't think I won't be right over there with you as soon as I can, mister!"

A shy little smirk. "Gotcha."

And he heads back over, half-crouching so that he still manages to hide himself on the way. He sits back down on the back of the beanbag, leaning back on the backs of both of his partners. Neither seems to mind, and in fact they seem grateful for it.

The power trio, back together.

(It makes for a bit of an incongruous contrast: Jade and Karkat are only undressed to the same degree one might be when visiting a friend's house, whereas Dave's completely bare. Hopefully the game will do something to even that out.)

Karkat's dealing, which he does a little less grumpily than usual (you presume it's a result of his boyfriend's renewed prescence behind him). You pick up the cards he's given you:

**You've got: 9(D), J(D), A(S), 6(H), 6(S)**

The twin sixes are welcomed; alone, they'd be enough to carry you through a reasonable round. After the last hand being as _un_ reasonable as it was, you think you're due some reasonable rounds again.

Terezi takes three, and that's altogether far too many teeth for one grin. Roxy replaces the lot, and you hear a pained "noooooo" wailing out from her side of the room. Three for Rose and Kanaya... three for Dirk and Jake...

You motion to Karkat to replace the three of your cards that don't have the decency to be in a pair.

**You get: K(D), 10(S), 10(D)**

Oh, wonderful! You've somehow stumbled onto two pair. You welcome the new pair into your hand, and encourage them to settle along nicely alongside the sixes.

You dearly hope this overimaginative card interaction isn't you simply substituting simulated socializing to make up for Dave's absence.

Karkat deals himself and Jade a new three cards; Dave looks at them over his shoulder and shrugs.

"Show them," Karkat shouts.

 **John and Terezi have: Three of a kind (2s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: King high**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Ks)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (7s)**  
**You have: Two pair (10s, 6s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (3s)**

"Aw, man," Roxy groans.

"It's alright, Roxy," says her cherubic partner. "I'll go first. Don't worry."

"You sure?"

Callie's steadfast. "Absolutely."

And so Roxy reaches around her, lifting her singlet from her, revealing the green-skinned ribcage on her skin-and-bones form.

You've seen it many times. It wasn't particularly a surprise, given the rest of her appearance. And you've come to love it, like the rest of her... though not as much as Roxy.

In the early hours of the morning, when nobody's awake bar you attending to business on your phone, there are times when you'll notice Roxy fast asleep beside you, tracing the trails of Calliope's ribs.

You don't think she even does it consciously. It's another one of Roxy's sleeping habits, like the murmuring or occasionally feeling you up a little (she never remembers it the morning after, and you honestly believe her). But what she does with Callie... you've always found it endearing, and somewhat soothing to watch. Even when she's fast asleep, ruled only by her subconscious mind, Roxy really does love all of Calliope.

They're smiling sweetly at each other now. Then: "Alright! Dare time! Doin' this shit!"

You pass over the four remaining dare cards. She picks one of the ones on the outside, and... "Oh man, this is _my_ dare," she says.

The second time someone on her team has drawn their own. It's almost a pattern. "Well, what does it say?" you ask.

"Can't say. It says not to say."

That's strange. Almost suspicious. You'll allow it, though. "Alright. As long as you do what it says! And believe me, I'll be checking after the game!"

"Oh noes!" Roxy exclaims, covering a gasp. "Better be good, Detective Crocker's out investigatin'!" Then, a little more flirtatious: "Whatcha gonna do if your investigatory-isms show I've been breakin' the law?"

"I'm sure I'll be able to think of an appropriate forfeit." You give her a sly wink.

John's eyes are almost dangerously wide as he hears this; he takes the deck from Karkat and puts his glasses back on to deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxy's dare is a secret for now... though not a particularly well-hidden one. If you're interested to know, turn on your Crocker-style snooping; let's see if you can detect what it is.
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  ** ~~Dave~~**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Boxers~~
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > Skirt -> Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	29. Hand 27

Terezi yanks John's glasses off his face as soon as he's finished dealing, but this time he retaliates by putting Terezi's glasses on.

"Hey! This is a contravention of the sacred laws of this game, Egbert! What would your ectobiological mother think?" Terezi's clearly saying that loudly so that you can hear it, not just because she says everything loudly, all the time.

"She'd think you're a filthy snitch, _Pyrope._ " John presses the glasses more firmly onto his face, dodging Terezi's attempts to grab them back.

You consider allowing it, because their relationship amuses you and because John looks funny in those red glasses, but that would open the door to all manner of accessory-stealing mania... though that's tempting to watch. Poor practice as the one who's meant to be enforcing things here, though. "You look very silly, John, and though that's usually something I'm happy to accommodate, I'll have to ask you to take those off," you tell him.

"Fine," he says, following your order. "She's probably licked them, anyway."

"Many times," Terezi taunts him. He wipes his eyes frantically while she giggles.

You pick up the cards John's dealt you... just as you notice Terezi going to write something with one of your pens from earlier. What's that all about?

Never mind. You've got a hand to play.

**You've got: 7(H), 7(S), 4(H), 5(S), J(D)**

Roxy squeals (with happiness, you presume) on receiving her three cards. Rose requests a full replacement, and... you can't quite read her reaction to the return. Three for Dirk and Jake, with no noticeable change, and then...

"Three cards, please?" you ask your ecto-son. Terezi beats him to it, and sends them flying at you.

**You get: K(H), Q(H), and one that managed to land several feet behind your beanbag**

You crawl back to get it, which you don't realize gives people an all-too-good view of your ass until you turn back around and catch Dave staring.

**You also get: 2(H)**

So many hearts...! If you'd replaced the Seven of Spades instead of the Four of Hearts, you'd have landed yourself a flushed flush.

Dave's big eyebrows shoot to the sky when he sees what Jade and Karkat get in their three cards, and then Terezi slaps down three new cards from the deck in front of her and John before your ecto-son gets the chance.

He's not even particularly impressed with what the cards turn out to be.

"Showtime," calls John.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Three of a kind (2s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: King high**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Ks)**  
**You have: Pair (7s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Two pair (10s, 6s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (3s)**

Rose... _smiles_ at her loss. "Let's make things interesting," she says. She takes Kanaya's hand and stands up, her wife following her lead. They stride forward, a little closer to the middle of the circle.

You watch with intent, wondering what she meant. From the look on Kanaya's face, she doesn't quite seem to know either.

Rose turns Kanaya around, displaying the back of her dress for the room to see. 

"Now, then. As you can see, there are five buttons leading down from the neckline of this dress." She traces down the back, along Kanaya's spine, with a single finger. As she says, there are five buttons in a column: large, black, and each shaped like a square. The five of them are set into the fern-patterned verdant fabric. "I will undo each of them in turn, in order to remove the requisite garment. Kanaya, as I do this, I want you to do something for me: you've got your skin dimmed for now, but with each button I undo... can you up the brightness, just a notch?"

"Of course," she says.

"Very good. In that case, I'll begin."

The first button is not much of a spectacle: Rose's fingers, her nails painted matte purple, simply undo the button and pull back fabric to expose the highest part of her back. You can't see any trace of undergarments.

On cue, Kanaya's skin begins shining at a low, pleasant brightness. Mood lighting, you'd call it, if the room wasn't already well-lit.

"And now for the second," Rose announces.

As the second lengths of fabric are pulled away from Kanaya's back, you're beginning to see something: a diagonal strap, sloping up to meet her left shoulder. It's a simple black, but translucent, almost gauzy.

Rose slides the dress's short sleeves just a little downwards, exposing her wife's shoulders. Her bare right shoulder is facing you.

As you look, the brightness of Kanaya's skin rises. It's not yet bright, not even enough to light a dark room, but it's filtered through the strap in such a way that the opacity of it is becoming meaningless.

"Button the third," Rose says, moving her nimble fingers down.

It's undone, and the fabric is moved aside; you see more of this undergarment. It's a simple piece, a band of fabric round the chest rising to a strap around her left shoulder. It's also skintight, and with Kanaya's luminance rising a third time, it's beginning to appear as little more than a dusky sheen on her skin.

Below that, is that the beginnings of a corset underneath it? You wouldn't put it past Kanaya to wear them regularly, but if not, then she really has gone all out just for this.

Rose brings the sleeves down Kanaya's arms a little more. Now the entire undergarment is exposed. From your vantage point, slightly to her right, you can see a little of her in profile, where the swell of her breast begins to fill out the garment. The glow of the skin makes it clearly visible beneath. You wonder how much can be seen from the front.

"The penultimate button."

That's _definitely_ a corset. A beautifully-designed one, too, though that's Kanaya for you. The top is rimmed with lace in dark green, with the rest black (and decidedly opaque enough to block out her emanant light). Vertical slits in the fabric expose bright red beneath, and from the beginnings of the curve you're seeing... the corset's constraining her figure a _lot_ further than you'd expect.

You admire her as her glow increases further, and at this point she's reached a level that's undeniably bright. You can see it illuminating around the individual hairs on her scalp, down her neck and the exposed V at her back, beneath where the form-fitting dress ends at her knees: her calves, her heels, the tendons at the back of her ankles all beam out light.

"And the last."

As the fabric comes away, showing the corset to its full length, you can't help but be astounded. The corset cinches her waist to a slimness you wouldn't believe to be possible, were it not for you seeing it before your very eyes. You wonder: is that _dangerous?_ At the very least, is it _healthy?_

Kanaya's skin flares. She's a brilliant white beacon in the center of the room, almost difficult to look at - and yet you simply can't help but gaze on and wonder.

"It's like a vanilla explosion," you hear Terezi murmur.

From there, Rose takes off the dress in its entirety. She slides the sleeves right off Kanaya's slim wrists, then draws the two sides of the bodice apart so that it falls off her hips to the floor. Kanaya steps nimbly out of it, and now her panties can be seen, hemmed by the same green lace as the corset.

Rose addresses the dazed onlookers... as well as the single onsniffer. "Hope you enjoyed the show," she says with a quirk of her brow.

(Kanaya turns around to face everyone else, and you're mildly disappointed when she dims her glow as she does so. Her one-shoulder bra dealie returns to its intended function: concealing her boobs.)

Beneath the hem of her camisole, Rose herself is clad in a knee-length pencil skirt. It's to this that Kanaya now turns, pulling it down a little too swiftly. 

Rose's face betrays a little drop in confidence as her thighs become suddenly bare. Her panties are black, outlined in purple, and is that a monogrammed RL at the side?

"Well, I suppose that did the job," she says.

"I'm sorry, I never quite possessed the same flair for performance as you." She looks a little embarassed.

"It's quite alright. I believe your radiant display has given our audience more than their fill of performance for one hand."

Kanaya hesitates before she adds: "And your legs are quite a show of their own."

Rose smiles, a little sheepish. She bends down to take the skirt and dress with one hand, takes Kanaya's hand in her other, and together they return to their seat.

It's Roxy and Calliope's turn to deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  ** ~~Dave~~**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Boxers~~
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > Corset -> Dare -> Bralette  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	30. Hand 28

**== > Jane: Be the performer.**

You are now ROSE LALONDE, and you've just dramatically un _dress_ ed your wife in front of a crowd. You're quite proud of yourself. Admittedly, the way she went on to disrobe you was less dramatic, but you don't hold it against her. She more than makes up for it by... well, by being her.

You're very, very happy to show her off. You picked a good one! Well, less "picked a good one", more "got repeatedly trolled by, eventually got to know, spent three years on a meteor with, were painfully guided out of alcoholism by, entered a new universe with, married, and proceeded to spend your life with a good one". Strange circumstances for any couple to get together. But considering the endless stream of bullshit the two of you have been through, you can confidently say that there's nothing that will separate you.

You're interested to see the room's reaction when her corset comes off. Since the first time you saw her topless, you've been fascinated with it, in your own morbid way. Shock and horror from the peanut gallery will only make things better for you.

Really, that was the main motivation behind your decision to come. You love how your wife looks, and you don't think it's fair for you to have a monopoly on her. So here you are, introducing the world to the glory of Kanaya Maryam. Six foot two of stunning. And suffice to say, the critical reception has been excellent so far.

It wasn't the only motivation, though. You're curious. And you're eager to see more of your friends. Jade, for one, is nowhere near naked enough for your liking. Jane, on the other hand, _is..._ though you'd happily see even more.

It'd be nice to have someone join you for post-poker activities afterwards. You'd quite like to experiment with a third. You're not yet decided on who you'd like, though. With any luck, an auspicious dare will lead someone to you, or at least that's what your Seer of Light powers tell you is your best possibility. 

As for bringing that possibility closer to reality... the game's running out of dares. You believe Jane will be asking you for some new ones soon.

(You lapse into thinking of new and increasingly lewd dare ideas, entirely oblivious to the fact that Kanaya's jacket, formerly neatly folded on the floor beside your beanbag, has just disappeared.)

**== > Rose: Be the host.**

You return to being Jane, and now that the focus is on Roxy dealing, you can't help but wonder what her dare was. Or if she's even doing it!

Like everyone else in the room, though, you eventually switch the focus to your cards.

**You've got: 3(S), A(D), 5(H), 3(C), A(C)**

Hm. Two pair. That's good in terms of gameplay (it's almost impossible for you to lose this round), but it keeps you on your own a round longer. You could throw it all away, of course, but you feel self-preservation (specifically, modesty-preservation) getting the better of you on that front.

You see Kanaya and Jake both replacing their entire hands in dismay, though their replacement cards seem to assuage that somewhat. Regardless... time to be a turn-up for the books. 

"One card, please!"

"Damn, Janey!" calls Roxy, impressed. 

**You get: 7(D)**

Well, your two pair hasn't decided to mutate into a full house, but you're practically guaranteed safety this round regardless.

Your two ecto-children ask for three each, clearly having savored the fruits of the pair tree. At last, Roxy replaces her full five, and you hear a sort of whining "ehhh..."

"Show your hands," commands Calliope.

**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (2s) with 9 kicker**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (Ks)**  
**You have: Two pair (As, 7s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (6s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (3s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (2s) with Ace kicker**

"Losing twice in a row?" Rose remarks. "Forgive me, Kanaya, my Light powers must be playing up."

"Um," says Kanaya. "Jane, may I make a somewhat unusual request?"

"Go on." You're intrigued.

"Could I possibly remove my bralette now, and have a dare on the corset instead? It's just that... the corset matches my underwear better..."

Bralette? Is that what her one-shoulder strap dealie is called?

"Well, I don't think anyone in the room would object..." You look around, and sure enough, not a single objection. A fair few intense boob-stares, though. "I'll give you the all-clear on that, Kanaya."

"I'll get to work, then," says Rose. "Kanaya, if you could possibly turn up the brightness a little...?"

She does, and again, the garment starts to disappear. Now that Kanaya's facing her audience, you can see exactly what that's doing to the bralette: the fabric almost seems to fade, revealing proportionate (and perky) boobs - tipped with _green nipples,_ which glow as much as the rest of her! Goodness, you really do learn something new every day.

Practically no difference is made when her wife actually removes the garment in question. But there she is: corset and panties, gorgeous boobs and intimidatingly long legs. You're staring, but so is everyone else.

Rose appears to be all too happy with this turn of events. "Isn't she beautiful?" She is, and there's not a single person in this room who'd disagree.

It takes embarassingly long for you to remember: "Rose, your dare."

"Ahh, yes," she says as you slide over the three remaining dare cards (you know one of them's yours, and... you'd be interested to see that here).

She picks one, and reads it aloud: "kiss a member of the winning team ten times, somewhere different each time. The lack of capital letters threw me off momentarily, but if you really wanted to hide your identity as the writer of this dare, you shouldn't have used gray pen... Karkat."

He makes a noise resembling "fleurghmeuhrahurgh", and attempts to hide his face in Jade's jacket.

"It's rather sweet," says Rose, to Karkat's continued chagrin. "And... a member of the winning team? I believe that only gives me one choice of recipient... not that I mind."

She's looking directly at you. Oh shit, you got two pair! And as reward for winning the hand... you're about to have an amorous Lalonde all over you. Not the one you're used to having all over you, either. This should be... a new experience...!

Rose walks over to you, and as she reaches you she's standing almost menacingly above you (and you can _almost_ see up the camisole she's wearing). She kneels down to your level, and looks you devilishly in the eye.

She clasps both sides of your head, and you're surprised when her first port of call is a sweet forehead kiss. Light and chaste. The look she gives when she pulls away from that is far more tender... and then she closes her eyes, and goes for the mouth.

You catch yourself moaning involuntarily; she's got one hand grasping in your hair and the other embracing your back, holding you close to her, pressing your boobs right up against her. You taste the sweet gloss on her lips; it's strong and overpowering, filling your mouth. She opens her mouth to reposition, locks your lips with hers once more, warm and wet and... no denying it, arousing. You feel yourself starting to throb inside your panties.

She breaks the kiss, and you're gasping for more. She leaves a faint peck on the tip of your nose... which is nice, but it _isn't enough._

Seven kisses left to go.

She lowers her head, and the next place you feel her lips is your neck. She nips slightly at the skin there with her teeth, before going in and kissing it deeply. (Isn't this where Dave's tongue was earlier? And Roxy knows very well to pay this area special attention. This family will be the death of you!)

Further down, now. She drags her mouth along, breaking contact just slightly to have it count as a separate kiss, then plants down her lips again on your collarbone. More teeth here, light but adding sharp flares of pleasure to the kiss.

Then... her mouth moves to close on your left nipple. The heightened sensitivity there brings an immediate jump of pleasure, and oh god, even more when she swirls the tip of her tongue around the bud. All the while: hand tangling in your hair, another at your waist - SHIT it just moved to pinch your right nipple. There's pain, but the shock and surprise and pleasure shoots through your body, head to toe.

She removes her mouth, the hard nipple immediately cold in the open air, and visits the cleft between your boobs just quickly with a gentle kiss before moving to your right nipple. She works at it, using her tongue, grazing it with the tip of a tooth or two, groping the underside with her free hand. Your eyes have closed without you realizing. All trace of thought is gone from your mind.

Rose lets go, and you gasp with need. She's left you aching. Two more. Two more!

Tender on the soft skin of your stomach. She lingers here a little, then releases. She travels down, down... grasps your open thighs... _oh._

In front of _everybody?_ You could tell her to stop, but... fuck, you don't want her to. You're aching, you're sore, you NEED this.

She touches her lips to the front of your panties. You feel her moving around to find your clit - _there_ , right there. Fuck. She's sucking at it, then moving the tip of her tongue around it, tiny circles through fabric, dear _fuck_ it's making you quiver and shake and moan. You're hot and wet and all the focus in your body is directed _right to that point,_ and oh god, oh god, _fuck_ , you feel like you're about to -

She pulls away.

_"No!"_

"Maybe later," she says, infuriatingly coy. And with that, she leaves you a mess of arousal as she returns to her wife.

Nobody's quite sure whether to stare at you (for having just had that done to you) or her (for having just done that). The balance is tipped towards her, though.

Look at that fucking smirk. She doesn't regret a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat's dare was my idea. He's sappy as hell and absolutely mortified by it.
> 
> We've got two dares left to be chosen from, so: **suggestions for the next batch of dares are open!** More risque than last time round (like Rose just demonstrated, perhaps!), and I'd also like to encourage involving people other than the dare-doer's partner. Shake the pairings/groupings up a little.
> 
>  **Jane**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  ** ~~Dave~~**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Boxers~~
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > Dare -> Corset  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	31. Hand 29

If you couldn't think straight before, you can barely even _think_ now. Rose is the one dealing, and you _see_ those winks with which she's accompanying each of your cards, and it's _maddening._

There are a few thoughts that come to your mind, though.

One of them is "would anyone notice if I simply finished myself off here and now", to which you _know_ the answer is yes, even in this state. Even though it wouldn't take anything more than a few seconds. You're so close, it would be so quick... but as much as you hate the fact, you know you'll have to wait.

Another thought, presumably from the business-oriented side of your brain, is "I should march over there, straddle her face, and request in no uncertain terms that she _finish the fucking job_ ". This, however, would be even more noticeable. Sometime later, though, when there's less of an audience... if she's amenable to the idea... then yes, you'd love nothing better than to wipe that smug smirk off her face. Put that mouth to far better use.

One more thought: "she's finished dealing now, I should look at my fucking cards".

You muster up a single shit to give about the game, and do that.

**You've got: 9(D), 5(S), 8(H), A(C), 10(S)**

Shitty hand, keep the ace, burn the rest, whatever.

Dirk replaces four and yeah, same for you. Rose smirks when she deals them. Fucking hell.

**You get: Four really shitty cards.**

Point is, it's still ace high. Maybe you'll lose and end up back with Dave. Maybe he can help you out of the fucking mess you're in. With his fingers. His tongue. His dick.

Everyone else replaces A BUNCH OF FUCKING CARDS. You are _long past the point of caring._

"Lay down your hands," says that utter fucking _bitch_ Lalonde.

**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (As)**  
**You have: Ace high**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (Qs)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (8s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (Qs)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (2s)**

You've lost. Whatever! You've lost, and now it's time for Dave to come over and take these _soaking wet panties_ off you. AT LONG LAST.

He gets up, heads over... doesn't bother to hide his semi (it had better be harder than that by the time he's finished, _you're going to need it_ ), and hooks both thumbs into the waistband, tugging it down. First he exposes your neatly-trimmed triangle of hair, then... in case it wasn't already clear how uncontrollably horny you are, the sheer wetness of your cunt should erase any further doubt.

He drops them to your ankles. You step out and kick them aside. And fuck, he's got harder, and fuck, _you can't take this any more._

"I need the bathroom," you say, grabbing his hand. _"And so does Dave!_

Terezi protests as you dash for the door: "But what about the game?"

_"My rules!"_

You slam the door behind you.

The bathroom's mercifully close. You race in, and Dave's not far behind. The moment you're both inside, he shoves your back up against the door, goes for your mouth, kisses you needily and with breathy gasps. He's got one hand groping your ass while the other plays with your nipple, tugging it and rubbing it with his thumb.

God, it's good, but it's not what you _need._ You shove his shoulders away and glare at him: "Fuck me. _Now._ "

He doesn't need to be told twice.

One hand still grabbing your ass, the other on his dick, he lines up the head of it and slides in, too slowly, _TOO FUCKING SLOWLY,_ but oh lord it is _heaven_ all the way.

He bottoms out. Draws out a bit... and then, both hands on your ass, he _thrusts back in._ You let out a sharp shriek as he does. God, _fuck,_ you needed this. You need HIM.

He thrusts, panting, erratic but fast and fast is _exactly what you need._ You're crying out, not caring about how loud, and you try to catch his mouth for a kiss - you fail, bumping his chin - you manage it now, moaning into his mouth just briefly then coming apart.

Your hands are around his waist and one of his hands moves to thumb the flesh by your clit and FUCK, just as he thrusts, that's it, so close, you're almost there -

You _scream_. You're trembling and shaking and quivering and ecstatic in every inch of you, and with the pulsing in your cunt you feel Dave come too, inside you, cum dripping down and out of you, panting loud and exhausted.

He pulls out. He moves in, gives you one last kiss, breathless and relieved. He breaks away.

"So, uh." His breath wheezes in and out. "You on the pill, I'm guessing?"

"I've got an implant," you say. "It's fine."

"Alright," he says. "Cool."

This would have been a good conversation to have _before_ you fucked, but in fairness, both of you had other things on your mind.

You know. Like fucking.

"Let's get this cleaned up," he says. You look down, and yeah, both of you are dripping.

"Agreed," you say.

He goes to grab some toilet paper, and you take the opportunity of his back being turned to hit that nice ass he's got. He turns around and looks at you over his shoulder, smiling. God, he's cute.

"That was good," you tell him.

His face is as red as a ripe apple. "Yeah," he says, and gets on with the cleaning up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
>  END OF STRIP POKERSTUCK ACT 1  
>  **
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  ** ~~Jane~~**  
>  ~~Blazer~~ - > ~~Blouse~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Panties~~  
>  ** ~~Dave~~**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Boxers~~
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > Dare -> Corset  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > Shorts -> Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	32. Hand 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** STRIP POKERSTUCK ACT 2 **
> 
> From now on, we'll be rotating POV each round to whoever's dealing it. Starting with...

**== > Be the dealer.**

You are now DIRK STRIDER, and yeah, your bro just left the room to bang one of your oldest friends. Nice. 

Rose is looking with what appears to be _pride_ at the door they just left through. You've kind of developed a fatherly streak towards her, and you almost wanna say "atta girl". You never expected yourself to have any sort of progeny growing up, but dammit if Rose and Dave ain't the best kids you never hoped for. One busy getting laid, the other having orchestrated the events that got him laid. Now that's the kind of family heritage you're damn proud to pass down.

"What do we do now?" Calliope asks, a little amazed at all that's just gone down.

"Keep on playing, of course," you say, taking the deck passed by Rose. "They'll be back. Jane ain't gonna bail on an event she spent weeks organizing."

With a supersonic shuffle and a few of your finest flashsteps, everyone's got their cards dealt.

Jake picks up the ones you dealt for the two of you. "What's the outlook?" you ask him, not yet looking to see them for yourself.

"Not the best hand you've ever dealt us," he replies. "I'd even venture to call it the worst! Three different suits, not a face card in sight, and some consecutive cards... we _could_ ditch that party-pooper 4 of Hearts, hope for an inside straight from 6 to 10, but it'd be a doozy of a risk. If we don't hit the slim chance of an 8, we'll be left 10 high and dry! We'd do better to cast it all aside and take a stab at a fresh new hand."

You take a look at them to confirm:

**You've got: 7(C), 4(H), 9(H), 10(H), 6(C)**

You give him a nod. "Yeah, that's a damn good summary of the situation here." You've got nothing else to add; Jake's said it all for you.

You don't think Jake's ever played poker before, but apparently he had an audiobook on rules and strategy playing as he worked on something else. Sure seems to have grasped it quickly. He's a man of many talents, especially now that he's had the opportunity to cultivate it all. You wouldn't say you believed in him; that's his sort of thing to say, not yours. Rather, you _recognized_ it in him. All that potential. And in this universe, he's shown off more of it than ever.

Time to deal out some more cards. Jade and Karkat, the next pair on your left, are requesting three. Pretty obvious signifier of having received a pair first time round. Reading their faces, it's most likely just a middling pair, not really good or bad. And there's no particular reaction when you flashstep three new cards in front of them, apart from what you can deduce as simply being a reaction to the flashstep (which they're pretty much used to by now). No change in their pair, then.

John and Terezi ask for the same number. Yeah, similar sort of reaction to read from them. With the two decks of cards you're playing with here, pairs are statistically pretty damn likely to turn up. Turn up like a puppet penis when presented with a particularly plush rump. And turning up they sure as hell are.

Three requests of three cards in a row. It's Roxy who's asking for three now, and her reaction's as Roxy as ever. Grinning big and wide, she shows them for Calliope to see; she's bouncing on her beanbag, and her bare boobs are bouncing with her in a way that would probably appeal to... well, any other person in the room. (Most likely Jake, what with their current body-painted hue.) Not hard to guess what's happened with her cards. Probably not anything above a full house, though, because if it was she'd be way louder about it than this.

Finally, Rose completes the streak. Three cards for her as well, and her response when she gets them is damn near inscrutable in a deliberately measured way. That's probably more nurture than nature, but all the same, you feel as though she got those genes from you (Dave sure didn't - he's tried stoicism, but he can tell as much as you can that it just doesn't suit him). Fortunately for your gameplay, her wife (your _daughter-in-law?_ Family relationships between you guys are fucked-up, man) is somewhat more outwardly emotional, and there's a little bit of a fanged smile about what she got. You're gonna guess your new deal upped them to either three of a kind or two pair.

And now it's your turn. Go for the straight? Or full replacement?

"No matter what, it looks like we're breaking that pattern of three cards," Jake remarks quietly to you.

"I mean, we _could_ just replace three of them if you wanted," you tease. "We're the ones most likely to lose anyway. Shame to break a perfectly good pattern in the process."

"True. But fuck that, I say let's go for the five anyway! Maximize our chances of landing a handy pair, why don't we."

"Sounds good to me." You put your original hand back at the bottom of the deck, taking five new ones from the top.

**You get: 2(C), 10(S), Q(C), 5(S), 4(H)**

And there's the aspect of the game that's all down to chance. Can't win 'em all.

Jake's realized this just as you have. "Well, we wouldn't have got the straight, and that Queen's better than the 10 we had before. This is the best we could've done, by my reckoning! Going out with a little bit more of a bang, even if it's still pretty small."

There's a scream from a few rooms away. Either Jane just got murdered, or Dave inherited the Strider sexual skill... not that Jane seemed to be needing very much to push her over the edge. They may not be your type, but you recognize an extremely horny girl when you see one. Years of dealing with Roxy's advances taught you that. (And speaking of Roxy, she just wolf-whistled.)

"Now _that's_ what I call a bang," Jake mutters, eyes glazing over a little.

He looks to have been pretty distracted by that, so you guess you'll do the honors. "Lay 'em down," you call.

**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (5s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Pair (9s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Three of a kind (7s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Three of a kind (As)**  
**You and Jake have: Queen high**

Good to see your assessment was all on point. And just as you and Jake both expected, it's your turn to strip.

Kinda running out of options here. His shorts and your jeans are all that stand between you and dares. You stand up; you motion for him to follow, which he does.

Looks like he wants to go first. You let him unbutton your jeans and pull down the fly... and yeah, those sure are your orange boxers out in the open. You ain't really fussed. Nothin' really showing through 'em, since you're not too turned on.

Maybe your legs have some appreciators out there - can't deny it, you're pretty damn toned - but you don't bother with checking. This ain't the main event.

Stripping Jake is a much bigger deal. Time to get those shorts off him, gotta make way for something even skimpier. You take it a little slow, build up a little tension, and then... there ya go.

He's come to like his underwear tight and skimpy. God knows you appreciate it. Overall, it provides you (and everyone in the room) with what's undeniably a fuckin' nice view. Those strong, shapely thighs lead up to his dark green briefs; from the back, people can see the damn nice butt they're clinging to, and from the front there's the distinct shape of something big and hard inside 'em.

No doubt about it, he's the main attraction.

And oh hey, good timing. Dave and Jane are coming back in, and barely anyone's noticing because of the huge hunk of English on display.

Which they sure have noticed.

Much as you'd love to show off your boyfriend all day, you got a game to play. The two of you sit back down, just as the naked Jane and Dave pull their beanbag closer to Jade and Karkat's and sit themselves back down.

(Man. Those beanbags. All sorts of debauchery going down here... on _beanbags._ It's a fuckin' masterstroke from Jane. You're pretty sure she didn't intend them as ironic, but that doesn't mean you can't appreciate them as ironic anyway. Death of the Author yo.)

You slide the deck over, bypassing her and going straight to Jade and Karkat. Time for the next hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed there's been no Jake POV so far, even though everyone else has received one. I've been considering doing something different for his POV, but I'm not sure how I'm gonna pull it off (or if I even can). Hence the hesitation.
> 
> With that information alone, here's [Choice #17: should I do something different for Jake, or just give him a normal POV like everyone else has been receiving?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15053992)
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > Dare -> Corset  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Shorts~~ - > Dare -> Dare -> Briefs


	33. Hand 31

**== > Dirk: Be crabby.**

You are now KARKAT VANTAS, and two humans have just come in and sat down next to you. _Naked_ humans. One of which is your boyfriend. And the other being someone he's just had sex with. Which you're fine with! You've always been agreed, any of you can have any sex they want with anyone they want! You even reaffirmed this before coming here! So any jealousy you might have is _selfish_ and _unjustified_.

Fuck. You're jealous.

You don't even know _why._ Dave still loves you just as much, right? You... you know that. But you look at how he looks at her and you feel like he might never look at you like that again.

Which is bullshit. You know it is. But you can't stop fucking thinking it.

"Dave!" you hear Jade say. She's in the middle of dealing, but she's still looking at you with concern. She must have noticed you were _being like this_... no shit, she always fucking notices.

And there's Dave turning on cue to look at you, and fuck. Yeah. He loves you, and you love him, and you love the way he looks after he's had sex. Even if it wasn't with you, he's still gone and messed up his hair and his breathing's heavy and... you really fucking love him.

He rests his hand on yours. Fuck, you're glad you've got him.

"Here's our cards, Karkat," Jade says. You can tell her voice is softer than usual. Maybe she's being patronizing because she knew you were being a fucking idiot about all this, or maybe... maybe she just cares. It's sometimes hard to tell yourself that she cares.

Hey, maybe you should actually look at your cards, asshole.

**You've got: 5(D), Q(D), 5(S), 3(H), 10(S)**

Would you look at that! It's a hand that's only moderately better than some vile secretion from a musclebeast. Great!

Dave peeks. "Yeah, you're fine," he says. "Still doing fine. Hey, how come you guys keep winning shit and we're over here naked?"

You're... honestly not sure about that. It's kind of a reversal of the astoundingly bad luck you literally constantly have with everything, ever. Why do you have to be lucky in strip poker, of all things? Couldn't you exchange this for maybe being a better leader and, hey, maybe not having to watch as too fucking many of your friends died? You'd happily show your garish red nook here and all, like, two inches of your bulge, if it meant they were still alive!

Shit, you didn't answer Dave's question, did you. "I mean, however you're pulling this off, you're doing pretty damn well. Shit, didn't neither of you know how to play poker before I taught you? And here you are basically fuckin' winning this shit. As much as anyone can win in strip poker."

He squeezes your hand a little. You find yourself smiling.

"So, all we want is that pair of fives?" Jade asks, as if it's even a question. Oh yeah, she was dealing out everyone else's replacement cards, and now it's back round to you.

"Yeah. Yeah, just keep the fives. The others are trash."

**You get: 2(C), A(D), 4(H)**

Technically, it's a better hand!! But there's almost no chance that that's going to mean anything more than absolute rock bottom jack shit.

"Show your hands," you shout.

**John and Terezi have: Pair (As)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Three of a kind (8s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (5s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Ace high**  
**You and Jade have: Pair (5s)**

"Damn." The Strider who _isn't_ currently holding your hand stretches his arms up, arching his back and bringing his chest forward which you really hate that you're kind of into, fuck. "Twice in a row, huh? Looks like it's double dares."

"We only have two left," Jane remarks. "Who had them la- oh, Rose. Of course."

Rose is about to pass the two dares to Dirk and Jake, but Jane interrupts: "We can make this more interesting! I think it's about time for a second batch of dares, don't you?"

Shit, you're going to have to think of one _again?_ As if the first one wasn't embarrassing enough!

Well, you've still got your gray pen, and Jane's just given you a new blank card (she's given one to everyone, even herself and Dave), so... you're gonna have to think of something. Scrape whatever shitty idea you can salvage from the foul depths of your think pan.

Here. Here's a fucking dare. PERFORM A SOLILOQUY ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR PARTNER'S GENITALIA. There. There! Fucking _there._

You can't wait for someone to get that dare and numb you to the world once and for all with sheer fucking awfulness.

You try looking at Jade's, but: "nope!" Dave's? "Nah." Jane's? "No chance!"

Fine, then! You're left in the dark. Hallelujah.

Jane collects them all in, then presents the restocked dare pile to Dirk and Jake. You hope neither gets yours, because the last thing you want to hear today is a fucking monologue peppered with antiquated Earth bullshit regarding Other Strider's dick.

Dirk reads his out first: "For the rest of the game, you must fake an orgasm upon winning a round. Sweet. Thanks, Rose." Oh, wonderful. You simply cannot _wait_ for that to start coming into play.

"The pleasure is all mine, father dearest," Rose says as if she's a fucking heiress announcing the opening of a new monument to her own greatness.

Jake's eyes balloon when he reads his. "for the rest of the game (EVEN AFTER YOURE OUT) u gotta kiss EVERY person who takes off clothes underneath the piece they just took off. unless theyre a family member or w/e, you can nope outta those ones. Oh..."

Even better!!! As one of the people still with the most clothes on, and the only one of those who isn't directly related to him, this affects you most of all!!!! You take a good, look at Jake English's lips. May as well familiarize yourself with them now until they start prodding you all over your fucking body. Which. Definitely isn't something you might actually enjoy.

Roxy's clapping. "Ahh! That's my new one! Hell yeah, Jakey boy!"

So, nothing to be done now, but for the rest of the whole damn game you're going to be serenaded by Strider orgasms and covered in English kisses.

Which is just.

Fucking.

_Great._

Ugh. Time for John and Terezi to deal. Let's see how much they'll fuck you over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta admit, [ this](https://i.imgur.com/WsmLWdn.png) is all I could think of when writing that first bit
> 
> Roxy's dare is from [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/149419320); Rose's is one of the last of the old batch, from [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147565890).
> 
> Let's poll the POVs from now on, shall we? I'll do a few chapters ahead, because I like writing multiple chapters in one go.
> 
> [Choice #18: should the POV of Hand 32 be John or Terezi?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15064371)
> 
> [Choice #19: should the POV of Hand 33 be Roxy or Calliope?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15064375)
> 
> [Choice #20: should the POV of Hand 34 be Rose or Kanaya?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15064381)
> 
> And just to let you know: I've got a brief hiatus coming up. I'll be busy today and tomorrow, so no Valentine's Day Strip Pokerstuck... but believe me, I'll make up for it when I'm back.
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > Dare -> Corset  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Shorts~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Dare -> Briefs


	34. Hand 32

**== > Karkat: Take a whiff.**

You are now TEREZI PYROPE, and you're in the process of dealing this hand as menacingly as you can. A near miss here, a frightening fling there. It's been a lot of fun tormenting the players this game... but John's the most fun of all.

You pick up your own cards when you're done, getting your hands on them and taking a sniff before he gets the chance to.

**You've got: 4(D), 2(S), 10(H), 3(D), A(C)**

"Can you show me?" John says, trying to peer at them over your shoulder. Your antics have clearly been frustrating him.

"No."

"Terezi, damn it, we're playing as a pair. Not against each other."

"And I reserve the right to make that as annoying for you as possible."

You turn the cards in his direction... holding them at the level of your boobs, to make it as hard to look at the _cards_ as possible. You know this frustrates him even more... in two different ways.

Amateur. He should just get round to learning how to smell sights. Take a sniff of cards and boobs all in one.

People want cards now. Green skull girl on your left wants all five replaced, which you can do for her... you try to get at least one of the five cards lodged in her gnarly ribcage, but none of them take. Shame. And she seems happy about the five cards themselves, which ups the shame to double shame because no naked Roxy this round (probably).

Three for the fussy mint troll with her glowing tits out and her stomach not out. You can't wait till the corset comes off. You saw what was under it on the meteor once (the quantity of teen couples there made it difficult to open closets without being accosted by the scent of two of them mid-makeout). What's left of Kanaya's torso is both gruesome and _awesome_ , or at least it was when you got a whiff of it. You can't wait to smell how the others react.

Full hand replacement for Strider and English across the room, which the latter doesn't seem happy about (do you catch the scent of an upcoming double dare?) And three for Jade and Karkat, who react to their cards depressingly well. Why can't they just get to losing hands already?

Back round to you and your teammate. "Do we throw all our cards away?" asks John. 

"You tell me, Eggy boy."

He rankles at the nickname, but takes a look at the cards again... and you can tell he's trying his hardest to focus on the _cards._ "Well... yeah. It's basically our only option."

"Is it?"

It isn't, but you want to hear him work out the alternative himself. Which you intend to make as difficult as possible, drawing your cards closer to your cleavage. (You're pretty sure they're visible from where Jade and Karkat are, at this point. You don't care. They've already played their hand, after all.)

He stares, both at your boobs and your cards. "Hey, what's the holdup?" Dirk calls across the room, which puts him off even more.

Then, finally: "Ohhhh! Oh, shit! It's almost a straight! We just need a five or a king, right?"

"At last! But we're not going for it."

"We're - what?" he stutters in confusion as you keep the ace and grab four new cards (too quickly for him to beat you to it and go for the straight). "Then why'd you make me work out what it was?"

"Just keeping you on your toes." You leer at him.

**You get: 4(D), 6(S), A(D), 7(H)**

Excellent! Your original ace has paired itself off. And you notice that pale four making its way into your hand as the first card: even if you'd gone for the straight, you wouldn't have got it, but you'd have landed yourself with a pair of fours regardless. Looks like you had all bases covered here.

"Gimme a sniff!" you call.

**Roxy and Calliope have: Pair (8s)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Two pair (Ks, 2s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Queen high**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Two pair (Ks, 6s)**  
**You and John have: Pair (As)**

Three in a row! Dirk and Jake have lost _three times in a row!_ You think this is a prime opportunity for one of your signature point-and-laughs.

"Thank you, thank you," says Dirk, taking it in like applause. "We've still got the dare cards from last time, so... Jake?" The pair of them both draw one more. Jake nods at his, and you detect Dirk raising an eyebrow (just slightly) in response to his own. Smells amused.

"I'll go first," says Dirk. "It's a good one. the winning team puts a dog collar around your neck. you are now their LOYAL COMPANION who will listen to whatever they say!!! if your new owners lose a hand, you may protect one of your owners from this loss by doing a dare for them... which will earn you your freedom afterwards! Never realized my bro's girlfriend was so kinky. I approve."

Oooh! You like this. There's something that appeals to you in the concept of putting someone in a collar (preferably with a leash, too). The non-fatal version of putting their neck in a noose.

A Dave pops out of nowhere, fully-clothed and in a different outfit to today. He's holding an orange dog collar. "Here you go, Jade," he says, giving it to her. "Have your weird kinky fun."

He seems like he's about to leave, but looks at his naked past self: "Oh damn, this is just before _that_ happened, ain't it?" He gives a low whistle. "Enjoy it, man. Peace out." And then he disappears back to the future.

Jade makes her way over to Dirk, putting the collar lovingly around his neck. "C'mon, Dirk," she says, like she's speaking to a barkbeast, and like a barkbeast he goes over to Jade's beanbags on all fours. Karkat's eyes widen as he does.

"Good boy!" Jade trills. "Now sit." Dirk does, seating himself cross-legged on the floor next to her troll boyfriend. "Now make out with Karkat!" Karkat's shocked, but... you're surprised at how willingly he goes for it, pulling him closer in his arms with his eyelids sinking closed.

(Well, not _too_ surprised. You know Karkat has a weakness for these types. When he was five sweeps, one of his first pitch crushes was on Asshol Ninjaa from the famous troll movie In Which Three Trolls Engaged In Complex Romantic Entanglements With Each Other Embark On A Mission To... [continued, 143 words])

It's an odd sight to watch, Karkat pretty much fully clothed and Dirk down to his boxers (and with the collar marking his current ownership). You can tell Jade's enjoying the show, though. She's _giggling_.

Karkat breaks away, _immediately_ turning bright cherry. He takes his arms away from around Dirk and looks directly forward, trying to act normal (and failing).

"You're actually a pretty good kisser," Dirk comments.

"Shut up!" Karkat squeaks, and as per the terms of the dare, Dirk complies. He puts a finger on his lips and sits in silence.

"You're being a _very_ good boy, Dirk. I'm impressed," Jade says as she sits down. Dirk nods, finger still on his lips... a bit of a tent beginning to rise in his boxers. He's making no effort to hide it.

Jake's been watching the spectacle, a little dazed, and now: "Guess it's time for my dare. YOU W1LL B3 BL1NDFOLD3D 4ND SPUN 4ROUND. YOU MUST F1ND 4 P3RSON 1N TH3 ROOM 4ND M4K3 OUT W1TH TH3M 4S SLOPP1LY 4S POSS1BLE! >;]"

And here you were thinking the round couldn't get any better!

**== > Terezi: Be the dare-doer.**

You are now JAKE ENGLISH, and by gum you're going to give this dare all you've got. You don't have any particular preferences for who to end up snogging in the dark - you're just going to find someone and go for it. Give it your all! What's the point of having come here if it's not to go all in, all gung-ho?

The troll girl, Terezi, has just got up and is now approaching you with - gadzooks, god almighty - with _Roxy's bra_ in her hands. She ties it around your head, making sure your eyes are truly covered (and does a jolly good job of it, you can't see a thing), and then spins you round once... twice...

... you lose count in all your dizziness.

Forward, now. You stumble forth, hands out in front of you to ensure you don't walk into a wall, and instead nearly trip over someone on their beanbag. (Being on a beanbag eliminates Dirk, at least.) You lean down, trying to feel for their head - short hair. Further down, you feel that they're topless (and also breastless). Moving your hands to their hips... they're completely naked. 

Well, you've narrowed it down. There's only one person in the room this could be... and you're quite chuffed about who you managed to stumble into.

Time to go for it.

You get down on your knees, hanging onto his shoulders so you still know where he is, and level his noggin with yours. You miss his mouth the first time you try going in for the kiss, but that felt like a cheek to you, so you're not _too_ far off. Just a little readjustment and... _there._ He really does have quite a nice pair of lips. Soft and thick. They give way quite beautifully under your own.

You push your torso forward, holding his head in your hands, tousling his hair. You let him lean back, lying him down. He holds onto your hips, puts his legs around you and draws you in... levelling your clothed crotch with his naked one. You feel his dick twitch at your touch.

What was it that Terezi asked for? The sloppiest makeouts possible? You'll gladly oblige. You pull your lips away from his only to go back in, groping at his lips with your own. He moans. Your tongue presses forward and meets his; you circle yours around it, getting a good feel for it.

Even in the wake of his little dalliance with Jane earlier, you can feel his cock hardening against you... and he's straining to not buck up. Yours is also doing its darndest to make your boxers too tight to fit. One more lost hand, and you can take them off for good...

Dave breaks the kiss, gasping. "That was fucking amazing, but you can take my mom's bra off now."

Oh. Right.

You untie it from around the back of your head, throwing it over to Roxy (she catches like a champ), and make your way back to your beanbag... with a mind to continuing the makeout session later.

**== > Dave: Back to Terezi.**

You enjoyed that! It's always good to see a plan come to fruition. Just as it's always good to see two hot people making out. Flawless execution on both parts!

Jake's going back to his beanbag, alone... or, hm. Not quite.

You catch a faint scent of something (someONE) flickering into being beside him.

What's up with that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me starting to do the "something different" from Choice #17, is what's up with that!
> 
> Welcome back to Strip Pokerstuck: Post-Valentine's Edition. Hope you enjoyed the makeouts.
> 
> Jade's dare is from [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/149504958), while Terezi's is from [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/149440086). With the original phrasing of the dare, I kinda wanted to make a joke about Troll French (and possibly Cherub French), but didn't, like a coward.
> 
> (For reference, though, Cherub France is formally known as "Zillyhonhonhon".)
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > Dare -> Camisole  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > Dare -> Corset  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Shorts~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Briefs


	35. Hand 33

**== > Terezi: Be a little more roguish.**

You are now ROXY LALONDE, and it's your turn to deal, which also means it's your turn to _steal._ You managed to get Kanaya's jacket last time, which was pretty much unguarded. This time, though...

To the right of you is John and Terezi, and you're too wary of Terezi's sniffing ability to risk pilfering from them. To the left is Rose and Kanaya, and none of their shit's as close to you as the jacket was. That was just a matter of stretching your arm out to the left and grabbing it while everyone was focused on their cards. For anything else, you'd have to sorta-semi-crawl, and that's gonna get ya noticed.

You're gonna have to trek across the room if ya wanna get to anyone else, and if you're doing that with someone's clothes in tow... yeah, there's gonna be questions, and that's gonna be you losing your own damn dare. (Why'd it have to land on you? You were so fucking ready to watch someone hilariously try stealing shit and get busted, and then it had to be _you!_ )

You check on Callie. Still dealing, still amazing, still got all eyes on your pair, so you can't try any shit yet. Gives you more time to think this over.

Oh damn. You've got an idea. You kinda wanna see your cards first, so you can be sure it won't get interrupted by your panties coming off, but after that... yeah, you've got yourself a bonafide SCHEME in the making.

Callie's almost done dealing. Few cards more, and yep! There she goes.

**You've got: J(H), 6(C), 3(H), 3(D), J(S)**

"FUCK YES!" You punch the air.

Okay. All cool. You calm your blue tits.

"We do seem to be lasting awfully long now, on so little," Callie remarks. "Especially considering how poor our fortune was earlier!"

"Hey, we started out not losin' at all, remember? Just gettin' back on track." And now, quieter: "Callie, I got a plan for dare biz. Cover for me, yeah? Can't have people lookin' at me!"

She gives a quick nod. Absolute babe.

Alriiiiiiight. Plan time.

"Jaaaaaaaaneeeeeey," you drawl in your best alley cat impression. "I need the bathroom, can I go? Or do I gotta stay in here needing a piss?"

The naked Janey on the other side of the room sighs. "Okay, Roxy, but be quick about it. I doubt you'll be losing, but we may still need you for dares!"

"Thanks babe!" You hop up and get outta the room.

All good so far. You make your way to the bathroom and close the door, just in case anyone's got super sharp ears and is listening, then... time for The Voidy Thing.

You phase out. You look down at yourself, and okay, good, you ain't there at all. Been a while since you've done this, and sometimes you've not faded completely (and have had bumpy surprises when trying to walk through walls), but looks like you've done it right this time.

You head back into the room, phasing through the wall. Callie's in the process of dealing people their new cards. You _could_ be sneaky and peek at people's hands, but fuck that, you ain't no cheater. Just a thief. All you gotta do is steal one thing, then you're good for the next few hands.

Okay. Current plan is to scope out the status of all that potentially stealable shit in the room, then head back in as a real and tangible person and... quietly kick the chosen item along with your foot and hope nobody notices. Hence getting Callie to cover.

Oh hey, Kanaya's one-shoulder bra-top-thing is there. It'd be outta reach from your beanbag, but coming back in all you'd have to do is kick it a bit and bam, ganked. You narrow your eyes on the prize. You're a fuckin' cat burglar and you're... you're out to BURGLE THE SHIT OUTTA THAT BRA. Heck yes?

Did Rose just make fuckin' eye contact? You freeze. Shitshitshitshitshit.

"Why, hello, Roxy! I didn't expect to see you in here again so soon." There's a smug edge to her voice. Your fuckin' daughtermom knows exactly what she's doing. "Won't you take a seat? Your gorgeous cherub girlfriend must miss you so."

**_shitshitshitshitshit_ **

Kanaya gives Rose a quizzical look. "Sorry, where are you seeing Roxy? The empty patch of air at which you are looking appears to be... well, just that. An empty patch of air."

"She knows the jig's up. Come on, Roxy."

Man. Shoulda known she'd see ya. She's a Seer, it's basically in the job description. Damn Seers.

Yeah, jig's up, you become visible again. Callie stares. Rose smirks. You sigh. "Guess I should read out that dare I had, huh."

You step back to your own beanbag, and pick up your dare card: "DO NOT READ THIS OUT LOUD!!!! every time its your teams turn to deal u gotta steal 1 (one) piece of clothing from someone elses team. if you get caught... the team who caught u gets to choose a piece of ur stolen clothes to replace something youre wearing!!!"

"So what did you successfully steal?" asks Kanaya. You hold up her lacy black jacket. Shit, it's kinda see-through when ya hold it up like this. Is this gonna be all there is between your pussy and The World?

Your daughtermom and daughtermom-in-law get up. Kanaya takes it from you and gives it to Rose, who comes round to your front, positions the back of the jacket over the front of your panties, and reaches around to tie the sleeves around your hips. Then Kanaya's there behind you to pull your panties down to the ground, and... ah shit, yeah, the jacket really is almost see-through. People gettin' a good view. Good thing no one's behind you, except Kanaya, because they'd be gettin' a damn good view of your ass right now... as Kanaya's getting.

You sit back down, bare ass on the beanbag. Rose and Kanaya sit down, their job now done.

Callie deals John his three new cards, and then: "It's fairly clear what to do here, isn't it?" she says, gesturing to the lone unpaired card in your hand.

"Yep. Go for it, babe."

**You get: 4(S)**

Shrug. Your hand hasn't become a full house or anything, but you still got two pair.

"Show 'em," you say.

**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (3s)**  
**Dirk and Jake have: Pair (5s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (Ks)**  
**John and Terezi have: Three of a kind (10s)**  
**Roxy and Calliope have: Two pair (Js, 3s)**

Damn. All that trouble you went to... you know, all that trouble of getting two pair in your initial deal, troublesome as fuck... and yet you still didn't even win the round. Damn Egbert-Pyrope team. Oh hey, Terezi's a Seer, here's another thing you can blame on Seers! Damn Seers.

Kanaya lifts off Rose's camisole, and now both the wives are tits-out.

"I believe this is time for my dare?" Jake's getting up and heading over and oh shit, he has to kiss her under that now, doesn't hey? Rose presents her chest to him (there ain't much of it, you guess those are Strider genes rather than Lalonde ones), and... Jake kisses her on the right nipple. 

"Damn, Jake!" you say. 

He breaks it off quickly, but you can tell he's gonna be having a lot more fun with that in dares to come.

"I suppose it's time for my dare," Kanaya says. Jake slides over the dare cards, Kanaya takes one, and... "Hmm. Someone of your choice on the last team to have been eliminated comes and sits facing you on your lap with their legs around your waist and their chest in your face... for the rest of the game!"

Tits in face dare, huh? You look down at your blue boobs and wonder if Jake meant that for you.

"I suppose I'll choose Jane for this," says Kanaya, sounding more than a little flustered. As anyone with a liking for ladies would be with Janey's big boobs about to be in their face! Jane comes on over, straddles Kanaya, and sits down facing her in her lap. And... yeah, Kanaya just started glowing a whole bunch more.

"Rose, I think you'll be the one of us in charge of the dealing here," she says... her view definitely occupied by the two big Crockertits hanging right in front of her.

Rose is looking over, amused. "I can handle that. I'll leave you to handling _that._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxy's dare suggested [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/147177912). Jake's dare adapted from [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458828/comments/149306964).
> 
> The Strawpolls have mandated Kanaya POV for the next hand (and oh boy, her point of view just got a whole lot more... titillating), but for the rounds after that:
> 
> [Choice #21: POV character for the next Dirk/Jake POV?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15083307)  
> [Choice #22: POV character for the next Jade/Karkat (and their LOYAL COMPANION) POV?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15083318)  
> [Choice #23: POV character for the next John/Terezi POV?](http://www.strawpoll.me/15083322)
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Roxy**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Kanaya's jacket  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Camisole~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Corset  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Shorts~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Briefs


	36. Hand 34 (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two-parter the second!

**== > Terezi: Bring out that natural glow.**

You are now KANAYA MARYAM, and you're glad your wife is dealing for you this hand, because your view is Decidedly Impeded. Jane's somewhat shorter than you, but most of your height's in your legs whereas most of hers is in her torso, and the result when she's on your lap is... your chin nestled between her two naked spheres.

That's not the only thing distracting you, though. Her neck is at eye height, and you can see the tiny pulse of blood vessels. Not to mention the things you _can't_ see, but can _feel_... like the buttocks resting on your legs, or the wet warmth between her legs that's perched just above your own pelvic region. With all these effects in tandem, it should be little surprise that you're beginning to unsheathe.

Which is worrying. You're not fully able to control what your bulge does, and with a nook-like warmth positioned in such an easily accessible place above it... and when it's due to be there _for the rest of the game..._

... engaging in a certain impropriety seems almost inevitable.

For the moment, you're focusing almost all your attention on remaining sheathed. Which is proving to be easier said than done, considering the various competing distractions all vying for your attention.

(You can feel your tip poking out; it's constrained by your panties, but it's there. You're clenching as many muscles as you can in order to force it back in.)

"Kanaya?"

It's Rose.

"Kanaya, our cards."

**You've got: 5(D), 2(D), 9(S), Q(S), 10(H)**

Wanting to see for herself, Jane shifts on your lap, and the movement of her heat makes your bulge poke out some more. _"No!"_ you exhale through gritted teeth.

"No, they're not particularly good cards, are they?" Rose notes. Then she looks down and sees your... predicament. "We'll discuss that later," she says. "I have cards to deal."

Perhaps focusing excessively on the game will distract you sufficiently. Jake, sitting alone, requests three new cards.

"He's been paid a visit by the pair tree," Jane whispers in your ear, and the sensation of tickling breath in your ear gives you a need to clench your legs more tightly together.

"The... the what, sorry?"

"Never mind."

Was that pear tree she said? Perhaps topiary would be a better topic for contemplation. You're quite fond of it: carving trees into fanciful shapes. Yes, and it's _much_ more interesting than the human body parts in your face. You have some delightful specimens in your garden. Big and round... and soft... though you have been having trouble with some of them lately. One of your trees had a weak crotch-

Oh no. Never mind your trees, it appears that _you're_ the one with a weak crotch: too weak to hold back your bulge from poking out of your panties. It's yet to make contact with Jane, but regardless, you need to tell her.

"Jane!" you whisper, hurried.

"Yes?"

"I must warn you, I am reaching a heightened state of arousal, and when your human genitalia are positioned so close to my own..."

It slips _just_ a little further out, and _now_ it's making contact. Just teasing the base of her slit; it's not far enough to enter, but you can tell she's noticed. Her breathing's hitched, her eyes widened. "You... you can't control that, can you?"

"Not in the slightest. While it is biologically proven that there is no separate think pan belonging to it, I think it is widely agreed that this mere scientific fact is so implausible it is simply impossible."

She nods, looking somewhat confused, then looks down and to either side. "In this position, I don't think anyone else can see," she whispers.

"You don't... mind?"

"Certainly not, I've been wanting to see one of these all day! But... does it come out any further than that?"

You nod. "About twice as far."

"Goodness me...!" You feel Jane shifting on it, just slightly, and you can't help it - another section slides out. It's still dancing on the edge, so close to slipping right in. You're almost inclined to say "fuck it", to allow it to do as it wishes.

Jane appears conflicted. "Not here. Not now. But... we could do with moving out of sight."

You agree, and shift around to the back of the beanbag, Jane still on your lap. She shuffles back on your legs so that she can see your bulge: it's extended to five inches now, and as she strokes its slick surface it reaches its full five. You notice it glowing green, far more than it should be, and make the conscious effort to dim it.

"Jane..." There's only so much of this you can take!

She pulls her hand away, but she's still mesmerized. "No doubt about it, I'm going to need that inside me at some point today," she says, which in no way helps your current situation.

You're trying to resist.

She's trying to resist.

You both want this - but you can't do it _now_...

"If I..." She hesitates. "If I simply pull myself onto it, the resulting position will look like I'm sitting on your lap. Just as we're meant to be doing!"

It all rings true, though you suspect your current state is skewing your judgement. You'll set that doubt aside for now.

You _could_ do this. You're usually fairly quiet, so you don't have to worry about being heard. And you don't tend to... leave much evidence behind. The one thing you'll have to take care of is your glow, which tends to become uncontrollable in the heat of the moment...

"We should make haste," you say.

She draws herself in. You shudder in relief as the tip finally enters her, suddenly submerged in her wetness. She moves further... further... it's a tighter fit as she moves nearer the base, until all the length that's emerged from your panties is convulsing inside her. She's gasping in quick breaths, but doing her best to keep it quiet, and: "I don't think anyone's looking," she says. Thank goodness.

There's no hope of thrusting in this position, but she shifts about every so often and sends a new wave of shivers down your spine. You bury your head in the crook of her neck... now you're getting the urge to bite, but thankfully you can keep that at bay by focusing on other sensations. The pulsating tightness around your bulge. The rippling of her breasts as she shakes. The way she tries desperately to keep her breaths steady, trying not to be heard.

"Ay, Janey, it's your dare!"

Roxy!

People around the room are staring. Jane's stopped dead still. Your bulge does not appear to have received the memorandum, still desperately thrashing inside, making Jane quiver and desperately bite her lip.

Terezi breaks the silence. "They're fucking, aren't they? I _knew_ it!"

Oh fuck.

John, now: "Are we just gonna... let them do that? Right there?"

"I'm not sure about 'right there'," says Rose. "Jane would normally be the one to make these decisions, but as a stakeholder in this situation, I can't trust that she'll make an objective decision. So I propose that we give them a choice. Either they continue, right there, and let us watch from anywhere we wish. Or we let them abscond to somewhere with less of an audience... on the condition that Kanaya is struck out immediately upon their return, and is to be stripped entirely naked. By myself, of course."

Throughout her spiel, you're still inside Jane, and you're finding it _exceedingly_ difficult to think reasonably. Or at all. At least, about anything other than how good she feels around you, your bulge writhing about and fit to burst.

"I can't leave now," is all you can say.

"Nor can I," gasps Jane.

"Then it's decided," Rose concludes. "We watch."

No longer needing to be inconspicuous, Jane starts outright riding you, rising up and sinking down and making you shudder each time. One hand's on your shoulder and you feel the other scratching along your horn and you watch her breasts bounce as she goes, and it's all contributing to sending you into a stupor. You're shining brighter than ever and every time she rises up you're briefly dazzled with green glistening from your bulge only to see her block it out as she slams back down and sends a jolt along its length through your body

and you've got a crowd gathering but you couldn't care less

and you can't take any more

and you flash brilliant white

and your back arches and your bulge screams and your nerves shoot through with ecstasy

and your bulge feels sore still in her, overstimulated and aching, and yet even worse when Jane pulls herself off it, and it flops down anticlimactically back over your panties

and you become conscious of the gathering around you and you're _mortified,_ to think that you just did that in front of all these people, you're astounded by your own actions

And you see Rose's face hovering above your own, a look of love into your eyes. She holds the sides of your face, kisses you softly, and speaks:

"You did well, Kanaya. I'm impressed."

And it's flirty but still sincere, and you're still embarrassed, but now you're far more at ease with that.

You did enjoy it, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor decision-making: the chapter.


	37. Hand 34 (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the chapters keep not stopping from getting longer!

**== > Kanaya: Engage POV Switch + Flashback Combo.**

You are now CALLIOPE, and oh dear, your cards aren't looking good.

**You've got: 8(D), 3(H), Q(H), 10(H), 5(D)**

Roxy's wincing: "We _could_ keep the Queenie, but... ahh, no..."

"They'll all have to go, I'm afraid," you say.

It's worrying. Terezi is turning in four cards as you speak; nobody else so far has discarded their entire hand. If you lose this card, you'll have to do your final dare, whereas Roxy will be _out._

Rose is dealing, with Kanaya and Jane seated facing each other on the beanbag behind her. Their positioning means you can only see them from their shoulders up, but... Jane's face seems unusually tense...

You can only imagine what's going on below what you can see.

"Five cards, please?" you ask Rose, while perhaps peering a little too intently behind her.

She notices, and shifts a little to block your view. "Certainly. Hope this is a more fortunate draw." And there you go, five new cards.

**You get: A(C), 3(C), 4(S), 8(H), 2(C)**

That _is_ more fortunate, though it's still not guaranteed safety. At least this ace high has a chance of being on par with Terezi's hand... or Rose's, given how she's just replaced her entire hand (with no consultation from Kanaya, who appears to be _occupied_ ).

"Let's see them," she declares.

**Jake has: Two pair (3s, 2s)**  
**Jade and Karkat have: Pair (2s)**  
**John and Terezi have: Ace high with King kicker**  
**You and Roxy have: Ace high with 8 kicker**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Pair (Ks)**

Oh. John and Terezi really do have a habit of near-losses, don't they? At least Terezi's refraining from the point and laugh this time.

Your dismay at having lost the hand is interrupted by Dirk: he's panting heavily, with sharp and rapid moans coming into the mix. His eyes are screwed tightly shut, his mouth's gasping wide open and his hips are bucking wildly-

"Ah, ah- ahhhh!" He cries out, trailing off, then immediately snaps out of it back to normal, looking around as if he expects applause. 

Karkat looks disturbed, but his eyebrows have also risen up to nearly meet his hairline.

"Jake got two pair," Dirk says. Ah, yes, his dare. He would be one to make the most of it, wouldn't he?

Regardless, you and Roxy still lost, and with that: "C'mon, Callie," your partner says, graceful in her loss. "Help me get these off."

You clasp at the black-frilled waistband of her panties, tugging them gently downwards. Roxy's shaved bare, and you've always loved the look of her pussy. So soft to the touch, especially to your tongue!

Roxy does a little twirl, showing her sweet little bum to the players, and then sits back down beside you on the beanbag, her knees together.

"So pretty," you say. She smiles in that wonderful way of hers, large and lopsided, and you simply cannot help smiling back.

Then... Jake. You forgot about his dare as easily as you forgot about Dirk's. You see his eyes level with her crotch, and you wonder: where will he place his dare-mandated single kiss? Your last-minute headcanon is that he'll avoid the genital region itself, and kiss somewhere nearby-

Oh! Quite the opposite! You watch as he plants his lips upon her own _lips_ , eliciting a slight gasp from her - the contact is brief, but a sight to see regardless!

As he ends the kiss, you see him look up at Roxy and... smile and nod. You suppose he thought she needed _some_ greeting, though you get the impression he wasn't really able to think of one.

As he returns, you find yourself being dealt a different set of cards: the dare cards, again courtesy of Rose. "Draw your dare, Calliope," she tells you.

You look down at them, deliberating temporarily over whether to choose the slightly creased one or the one with the stubbed corner. Eventually, you opt for slightly creased, and: "Oooh! Spray whipped cream all over your partner's face and chest, then lick it off. Make sure you don't miss any spots! I very happily will!"

Roxy lights up at that. "Ay, Janey, it's your dare!" The two of you look over to the dare-giver in question... to see her frozen still on Kanaya's lap, looking at the two of you in horror. She shakes a little, and bites down hard on her lip.

You suspected it already, but this erases all doubt: there is definitely something going on over there!

Terezi says what you're all thinking. "They're fucking, aren't they? I _knew_ it!"

John's even more horrified than Jane. "Are we just gonna... let them do that? Right there?"

"I'm not sure about 'right there'..." Rose begins, launching into a sexually charged ultimatum: either Jane and Kanaya leave the room, at the cost of Kanaya's subsequent disqualification, or they continue right where they are, for all to see.

You quite like the sound of the latter option. From the sound of it, it's the one they're agreeing on. All the better!

As they continue as they were, now for anyone who wishes to watch, Terezi's the first one to stand up. She tries tugging John along with her, but he vehemently refuses: "No! This is _fucking weird!_ "

"Suit yourself," she dismisses him, letting go of his hand and making a beeline for the spectacle.

Jake's peering over from the next beanbag along. Dave's leaning forward from his own beanbag. "You wanna come see?" Roxy asks you, punctuating it with an eyebrow wiggle.

"Of course!" Elegant Kanaya Maryam losing her composure entirely to have sex with your occasional girlfriend, as your friends play voyeurs? You've imagined similar in your mind's eye, and at times written about such scenarios, but never did you imagine you'd see this in person...!

You wouldn't miss this for the world.

You've seen Jane in similar positions many a time, but you've never seen her on a troll's bulge. She works it almost artfully, rolling on top of it as it makes its curving movements into her, her thighs quivering all the while.

And on the other hand, it's strange - though welcome - to see Kanaya losing control. Her hair is loosening from its perfectly-coiffed state (even more so with Jane grasping at her horn). Her glossy black lips are open in a perfect, gasping "O", with her pointed fangs reaching down from that. Her light flickers and bursts, both in white and the green emitted by her bulge (blotted out occasionally by Jane sinking down on it, then beamed out again as she rises), and you're fairly sure it's rising to a point-

By Jove, that was bright!

The light simmers down; it flares up in aftershocks, but she's past the peak. And there's her wife, looking upon the couple. She's had an expression of twisted satisfaction, but now it's changed to something that's almost pride.

Rose leans down to whisper something to Kanaya, and whatever it was, it's caused some of the tension to drop from her nearly naked body.

"I'm not really sure how I'm going to top that," you say.

Roxy seizes the opportunity: "You can top me any day." Perfect timing, and sealed with a wonk.

"I think I might have to take you up on that! Jane, I presume you prepared whipped cream?"

Jane appears exhausted from that. You don't think she actually came; it seems Kanaya hit her breaking point before she did. Regardless, there's a glint of luminescent green streaked between her thighs. The evidence of what she's just been doing is clear.

"I did, yes," she says. "It's in the fridge downstairs." You head for the door, and she heads near it for her satchel, presumably fetching something with which to clean up.

You remember where the kitchen is - down the stairs, turn left, along the hallway and it's the door on your right? Yes, there it is! You may have only been inside once, but as a Space player, finding locations has always been your forte.

Goodness gracious, Jane stashed an awful lot of whipped cream in this fridge. Nine... _ten_ cans of CrockerCorp cream is far too much for a single dare! Was she planning to make dessert for you all? Or perhaps, after the original display of the dare, she anticipated people wanting seconds...

You'll take one... no, perhaps you'll want another for anything you do later. Two, then. But no more!

Cans captchalogued, you return to the room, where everyone's now seated again after Jane and Kanaya's little show.

You bring out one of the cans, and shake it enticingly in Roxy's direction. "Ooh!" she says, clasping her hands together in delight over her blue-painted chest.

Hmm. That may be an issue.

You ask him: "Jake, is this body paint..."

"It's edible," he says, a little too quickly, following it up with a squeak: "And flavoured..."

That answer raises questions of its own, but you'll leave _those_ answers to your imagination. For now, the coast is clear for you to begin.

Roxy's leaned back on the beanbag, her chest moving slowly with her breathing and her face eager from anticipating this. Time to whip up a treat.

You straddle her, seating yourself on her tummy, then bring the can to her face and spray - oh, that was a lot all at once! It's piled up on her left cheek, with a little bit having toppled over onto the bridge of her nose. With a little less pressure on the button this time, you continue the line sprayed across her face: one cheek, over the nose, to the other. Little swirls of cream on each cheek, lovely and frothy! Then a line across her forehead, down the bridge of her nose for good measure, and...

You tap the nozzle to her lips, and she opens up on cue. You spray a lovely dollop of cream inside, swirling up in her mouth, and she gulps it all up with glee.

Two more finishing touches for the face: a creamy moustache, as a tribute to Jane and her loveliest of dares, and a tiny little splurt on the tip of Roxy's chin.

You decide you'll clean up the cream on her face now, while it's all still nice and fresh. You hold Roxy's shoulder for balance (digging in your claws just as much as she likes) and lean in to her face, where you flick out your long white tongue to lick the first bit off her forehead.

She giggles! She's always said she loves the tickling feeling of your tongue tips on her skin, and you love the sound she makes when she feels it. You take it as encouragement to go further, with renewed gusto, lapping your tongue heartily against her skin. She loves it!

A delicate lick along her nose, deftly ensuring that not a spot is missed. And then - you doubt Jane will fault you for bending the rules slightly - you scatter kisses along Jane's cheeks as you clean the rosy skin there. You kiss her charming cream moustache right off, and then move to her creamless lips to give her a kiss there as well (she returns it, making all sorts of delighted sounds). Finally, you flick your tongue onto her chin, and that half of the dare is done!

And now for the chest. Curiosity strikes you, and you give a preliminary lick (earning a giggle) to the cleft between her boobs - _oooooooh!_ It shouldn't be particularly surprising, given the colour of the body paint, but...

"What is it, Callie?" asks Roxy, presumably having seen your reaction.

"It's _blueberry_ flavour!"

"Oooooh!" she squeals. "Blueberries and cream! Best meal my titties ever served up."

You can't wait to tuck in, but you need to add the cream first, which you do with characteristic whimsicality: spiralling whipped cream around the base of each blue-hued breast, spiraling up to the nipple. Counter-clockwise on the left, clockwise on the right, and a few tasteful garnishings in the shape of curled brackets to the top and bottom.

Roxy looks down at her body: "Damn, Callie, you've made _art!_ " Then, with a playful smirk and a kiss of her fingers: "Bon appetit."

You'll save the best till last. You make your way from the undersides of her boobs to the space atop them, moving your tongue's twin tips individually all the way and making her _convulse_ with laughter.

The taste of blueberry is artificial and strong, and it almost overpowers the taste of the cream... but not so much as to be unpleasant. Besides, you're a cherub of simple taste: the sweeter, the better. And of course, beneath all that is the taste you find sweetest of all: Roxy. 

Once you've licked clean all of the surrounding skin, you feel you could do with making use of the full length of your tongue: you curl two feet of it in a figure eight around both her boobs, then suck your tongue back into your mouth. It slithers around her as you pull it back between your lips.

" _Christ,_ Callie!" Roxy cries, now slapping at the beanbag beneath her. "You're gonna tickle me to death!"

"Oh, I should hope not that far!" you say. "Just the right amount."

"Yesssss. You're doin' great!"

You've cleaned around her boobs, and now... you lick stripes around each one, from the base to just stopping short of the areola, tongue pressing into the tender skin as you go. At last, all that's left is the tiniest topping of cream on each; you polish off each of her nipples with a kiss.

You look up to Roxy's face. She's gazing back at you with her wonderful mixed-up expression of awe, giddiness and adoration.

"Callie... I love you _so fucking much._ "

And you really do love her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  ** ~~Roxy~~**  
>  ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Bra~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Stockings~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Kanaya's jacket~~  
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Camisole~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > Dare -> Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Corset  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Shorts~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Briefs


	38. Hand 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [dammit guys why've you gotta vote 50/50 on my POV polls](https://i.imgur.com/udQZCVE.png)
> 
> (I forgive you, it gave me an excuse to try something weird)

**== > Calliope: Have someone on your mind.**

You are now JAKE ENGLISH, and... dude. Dude. I know you just got to witness live-action blue boob-licking, but you gotta deal the next hand.

I know you're really fuckin' turned on right now. I've pretty much got the live feed of it. And as much as I'm down to let you have your crucial ogling time, I can't let your brain stop functioning completely. Still a game to be played.

Well, I guess the bits of your brain that are me are functioning just fine. I can't deal for you, though. Kinda intangible here.

(There's always more blue boobs to be licked, anyway. I mean, you got enough money to pay for it to happen whenever you want. What's the point of possessing a vast fortune if you don't use it to pay for niche porn? People like you are how people like me make a living.)

Neat job on the dealing there. So, what have we got?

**You've got: 7(S), 6(S), 6(H), K(S), 3(D)**

Oh hey, you got a neat pair of sixes in there. I'd say you'll be fine with that, but that sort of thinking got you stripping before, so fuck that.

The play to make is kinda obvious, but as dealer you gotta deal with everyone else first. No, not Roxy tits. Eyes forward, English.

God damn. What would you do without me thinking all the thoughts you're too horny to think. Noticing all the things you're too horny to notice. Like the fact that Kanaya got Jane off behind the beanbag while Callie was licking off the blue paint you like putting on Dirk's dick pre-blowjob.

Fuck. Sorry, this is just getting you hornier. Go ahead and deal.

Full five cards from Jade and Karkat. Time to deal five back. God, I wish I could show off my mad dealing skills here. But, y'know. The aforementioned intangibility.

(Though maybe one day you'll be able to _make_ me tangible. And with the way you've been going lately... I really don't think you're that far off.)

Man. Karkat doesn't seem to have reacted well to that hand refresh. Maybe we'll finally see those two lose. What d'you think?

You think it'd be about damned time. And... yeah, you miss your physical tangible boyfriend Dirk, too. Wishing they'll get down to the dares already so he can take one and then come right back over to you.

I get it. It's cool.

Oh damn, John and Terezi going for all five cards as well. And no grin on that troll's face. From the incomplete results we got so far, looks like they'll be battling it out to not lose... with the added sweetener of us being safe another round.

And holy shit, two cards for Calliope! Three of a kind, right? Yeah, you're thinking that too. She sure ain't going out this round. No bony cherub boner for now, or whatever kind of thing she's got.

(You're just as curious as I am. I can tell.)

But yeah, there's a smile on her cherubic face. Roxy's peeking over her shoulder, looks all proud. Shit, that's adorable.

And damn, right back to shitty draws for Rose and Kanaya. Another five cards flushed down the toilet, or at least back into the deck. Well, if they were a flush they'd probably not be getting rid of them all. Some of them were probably flushed in the troll sense, though.

Then... well. You've got a pair and three useless others. You know what to do.

**You get: 4(H), K(S), 3(D)**

Damn, if you'd kept that first King of Spades you woulda got two pair. Not that you'd have done that anyway, because it'd be a shitty move to make not knowin' what was coming. Can't just go keeping random-ass cards and praying they got a pair about to turn up. Gotta maximize your chances, bro. Boom or bust.

And not that it matters. It's pretty damn likely that you haven't lost, and _that's_ what matters in strip poker.

"Your cards, please!" you call.

**Jade and Karkat have: Ace high with 10 kicker**  
**John and Terezi have: Ace high with King kicker**  
**Calliope has: Three of a kind (As)**  
**Rose and Kanaya have: Queen high**  
**You have: Pair (6s)**

Five aces, one round. Sounds like it could be a porno. Hey Jake, get main Dirk to branch out into cards rather than just puppets sometime, yeah? Can't let this choice idea go to waste.

"If you're ready..." you hear Rose telling Kanaya.

"Go ahead," Kanaya says, as Jane scoots back a little to make room. Oh yeah, the corset's coming off! Get ready to smooch.

That's a fuckton of red lacing round the back. Rose seems pretty experienced at unlacing it all, though. Then it's undone, and Rose is pulling it apart, and - what the fuck?

"Holey shit," says John, and Terezi elbow-jabs him in the ribs.

Yeah, she's just got a fuckin' hole where her, like, bellybutton and all that should be. God damn. I know you're creeped out about it, but I actually think it's kinda cool. And of course Rose is into it. No surprises there.

Huh. Looks like it ain't so easy to support herself without that corset, which... makes sense. Not just for gothy aesthetic reasons, then. Jane's taking up the slack, holding her upper back in her arms to keep her upright. She looks kinda disconcerted, but seems to be taking it well overall. She ain't freakin' out and screaming (for entirely different reasons to when she did earlier), at least.

And now you get a close-up! You head over to Kanaya and... you think you can see the remnants of stitching around the edge of the hole. A slight green glow is leaking through.

Man, where do you even kiss here? Oh, just going for the side of the waist? That works. 

(Your head bumps into Jane's boobs on the way down. Nice going.)

Well, you left like the tiniest possible kiss there, and now you're hurrying back to your beanbag, so... guess it's time for Rose's dare. Callie passes them over, and Rose draws one... well, god damn. That's a textbook example of a face falling.

"Ah, thank you, _brother dearest,_ " she says in an acidic tone, and you can see Dave cringing. "hey heres the deal. i get your future self and bring em back to the present, then you make out with each other. once youre done i send you back in time and you become that future self. Thank you so very, very much." 

Oh boy. This ain't a dare I'd like to get. Like, I'd kinda wanna see how good a kisser I am? Firsthand. But given that it's _me..._ man, I've had enough different versions of myself already.

Huh, you think you might enjoy it? I guess you just haven't had much experience with alt selves. Or _any._

A Dave warps in (that's definitely a today Dave, he's naked), and he's got a Rose with him. He shoves that Rose towards the other as quickly as possible, then disappears, back to the future. (You appreciate the movie reference. Heh. I knew you would, you big dork.)

Current Rose is staring at Future Rose with resigned annoyance.

Oh boy.

**== > Jake and Brain Ghost Dirk: Be Rose.**

Which one?

You'll go with CURRENT ROSE, the one who has two sides of a makeout with yourself to not look forward to. Your previous experience with an alternate version of yourself has been... less than enjoyable.

"Please tell me you won't merge with my cat and start making grossly inappropriate comments about everyone you perceive as even slightly attractive," you say.

"Inappropriate? What situation is more appropriate for such comments than this?" She's smirking. What an excellent reminder of what a pretentious bastard you can be.

You sigh. "Can't we just get this over with?"

"Aw, I thought you'd like to put on a show," the future version of you says. You can hardly imagine how you'll come to be in that position and say those words. "But alright. I've been looking forward to being on the flipside of this."

You suppose that means you'll enjoy it. Somehow.

May as well kick this off. You kick all potential Freudian analysis of this situation to the side and, still standing, you close your eyes and lean in to kiss yourself.

The touch of your own lips is a strange sensation to feel. She opens them, and your lips lock. That's your own lipgloss you can taste, flavored blackcurrant, suddenly twice as strong in your mouth as it was before. You can't quite resist groping at her lips a little more, savoring some more of it. She puts an arm around your waist to match.

Somehow (you could armchair psychologize this, but not in the moment of it), the bizarre transgression of this is simply adding to the pleasure. You're becoming aware of your heartbeat, of its increasing pulse, as she runs your own tongue inside your mouth - and you do likewise. It's a strange, overwhelming contact. Your bodies pressed together, you feel her nipples hard against your skin. Her hand's running itself along your waist, above your hips, and you meet it with your own. You run a thumb over your own painted nails, feeling their matte texture.

You don't need to open your eyes to know people's eyes are on you. The element of that (of _performing_ ) adds a whole new level, and you turn your head further to the side to get a new angle, pressing in and grasping at her lips with new vigor.

She bites at your lip; it sends a jolt through you. Fuck, she knows that weakness, of course she does. There's no pain and blood as there is with Kanaya, but it's pleasant regardless, and so you retaliate, nipping at her lip with a canine - _yes,_ you feel her twitch. One point to you... before you experience the other side of this, and gain all her points for yourself. It's you versus yourself, and you're winning.

Alright. That's enough for your side. You break it, one-upping her on that front: you're about to live this again, whereas she's reached the end. You open your eyes to see her almost glaring.

Good.

Kanaya's practically a lighthouse. Calliope's in awe. "Hot," says Terezi.

"Alright, back you go, have fun," says Dave. He darts over, grabs your arm, and you're back at the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For best effect, scroll back up in the chapter to **== > Jake and Brain Ghost Dirk: Be Rose** and reread. If you haven't already done so, that is. Don't want anyone getting trapped in any infinite loops.
> 
> But yes. Strip Pokerstuck: New Universe Plus, or "Rose Lalonde Messes With People, Especially Herself".
> 
>  **Jade**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > Dress -> Dare -> Slip  
>  ~~Boots~~ - > Socks -> Leggings -> Dare -> Boyshorts  
>  **Karkat**  
>  ~~Sweater~~ - > T-shirt  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **John**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Dare -> Boxers  
>  **Terezi**  
>  ~~Glasses~~  
>  ~~T-shirt~~ - > Dare -> Bra  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > Socks -> Jeans -> Dare -> Boxers
> 
>  **Calliope**  
>  ~~Suit Jacket~~ - > ~~Shirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Singlet~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Trousers~~ - > Dare -> Briefs
> 
>  **Rose**  
>  ~~Top~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Camisole~~  
>  ~~Shoes~~ - > ~~Pantyhose~~ - > ~~Skirt~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Panties  
>  **Kanaya**  
>  ~~Jacket~~ - > ~~Dress~~ - > ~~Bralette~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Corset~~  
>  ~~Pumps~~ - > ~~Shoe liners~~ - > Dare -> Panties
> 
>  **Dirk**  
>  ~~Shades~~  
>  ~~Wifebeater~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Jeans~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Boxers  
>  **Jake**  
>  ~~Bodywarmer~~ - > ~~Shirt~~  
>  ~~Sneakers~~ - > ~~Socks~~ - > ~~Shorts~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > ~~Dare~~ - > Briefs


End file.
